Our partner

My Elderly Mom Is Newly Widowed.

A place to discuss the loss of a family member.

My Elderly Mom Is Newly Widowed.

Postby KimaK » Sat May 21, 2022 7:37 am

Last weekend, my step father passed away from Cancer. My elderly Mother lost her husband. However I need to be honest with you all on here if thats alright. My step father & I didn't get along here is why: The step father was a chronic substance abuser of all drugs from the time I was a teen. It is my belief that using drugs & alcohol in front of children damages them as it did me. He acted like a child so he was always acting immature. I feel when your a man there should be a balance as well you just need to exhibit a good example. Try as I might to be nice to this man? He seemed to be full of such self loathing & that was what affected our relationship! I won't speak ill of him but he did do inappropriate things & he stayed juvenile living in a fantasy world it would seem. My Mother of course enabled him. I didn't like him much, however listening to him dying over the phone was very heartbreaking to listen to everyone. You see my Mother is elderly & her she has problems with her hearing. So she has had to put her conversations on her speaker so thats how I know. Hearing Henry struggle with saying I love you ( Not his real name) broke my heart! No one wants anyone to die like that! Even if you might not like the person. And I did want to like him. Everyone all I ever wanted was a everyday guy who drank beer, was happy, watched football, and barbequed on the grill. *Sigh* :cry: I'm choosing not to go to the funeral. Too many issues. Now I'm tasked with moving in with Mom I'm her only child I'm an adult. I'm unsure how I'll do this I hope to have help. Mom does just fine with clothing , bathing, and going to the bathroom. I'm single, however I hope to continue my education online while being there for Mom & I have my issues with her as well. I sure hope I find me that therapist. There's a shortage in my area.
KimaK
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Sat May 21, 2022 6:59 am
Local time: Fri Jul 01, 2022 2:25 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: My Elderly Mom Is Newly Widowed.

Postby Snaga » Sat May 21, 2022 3:37 pm

Hello and welcome to the forums!

KimaK wrote: I won't speak ill of him but he did do inappropriate things


Well, if you can't speak ill of the dead on an anonymous forum... where can you? Better than letting it get bottled up inside, surely. Not saying you would, but but it's only too Human to let one's frustrations out on whoever's handy- and I'd say especially if that person also happens to be someone who enabled or continued to live with the subject of your ire. I can't recall ever being angry with my mother, but when my stepfather passed, the more I found out about him, the harder it was to not denigrate him in front of her. Tongue is a hard thing to control.

And that's why we have internet forums... :wink:

I sympathise with you. I've had stepparents that were dreadful, but that doesn't mean I wished them to die the way they did. Also doesn't mean I didn't wish that they'd been different. I wanted to like them, I wanted to feel good about it. But sometimes it's just too hard.

Good luck on caring for your mom. And after having to sit with one of my parents for a while, be thankful she wants to bathe! was the first thought I had when reading how she's still relatively independent. Those items you listed are a blessing. Fingers crossed you can find a therapist to help you not just process your stepdad, but also deal with caring for an elderly parent.
Tell someone you love them today, for Life is short. But scream it at them in Klingon, for Life is also confusing and terrifying.

We do not delete posts.
Let it go.
Without (forum) rules, we all might as well be up in a tree flinging our crap at each other.
User avatar
Snaga
Site Admin
 
Posts: 19248
Joined: Fri Jun 27, 2014 1:58 pm
Local time: Fri Jul 01, 2022 5:25 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: My Elderly Mom Is Newly Widowed.

Postby KimaK » Sat May 21, 2022 4:39 pm

Thank you for your reply, I never think anyone reads what I post. I just only registered last night on here after Mom went to bed. 'Henry' was one of the most difficult men I've ever known & I've known him for a couple of decades. Mom was responsible for him getting his military pension cause he was in danger of getting 'kicked out' due to displinary action he just didn't give a ****. As well as his bus driver pension.
Thank you for your encouragement. I'll save what I will say about 'Henry' for the therapist couch.
However, Mom was older than 'Henry' but he went first. I agree with you on step parents though. For me step parents seem to be the hardest to get along with!
KimaK
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Sat May 21, 2022 6:59 am
Local time: Fri Jul 01, 2022 2:25 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: My Elderly Mom Is Newly Widowed.

Postby Snaga » Sat May 21, 2022 5:20 pm

You're quite welcome.

KimaK wrote:I agree with you on step parents though. For me step parents seem to be the hardest to get along with!


Not always. Admittedly, I had a dreadful step-mother who started out hating my existence- at least that is my impression of it. I was tolerated only to the degree I was not seen as a threat to her, after I reached adulthood.

Out of several stepfathers, I can think of one that I favored. Naturally I loved my dad- but if I was to rate 'husbands' my dad would lose to that one. So it's not always so bad. It's not like I even did a whole heck of a lot with him, he was just a good guy once you got past him channeling a little Red Forman.
Tell someone you love them today, for Life is short. But scream it at them in Klingon, for Life is also confusing and terrifying.

We do not delete posts.
Let it go.
Without (forum) rules, we all might as well be up in a tree flinging our crap at each other.
User avatar
Snaga
Site Admin
 
Posts: 19248
Joined: Fri Jun 27, 2014 1:58 pm
Local time: Fri Jul 01, 2022 5:25 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


Return to Family

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest