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*Trigger Warning* Loss of Baby Cousin

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*Trigger Warning* Loss of Baby Cousin

Postby anamaria1623 » Sun Jul 12, 2020 9:31 pm

Well here it goes. So, in January of this year, my cousin had a stillbirth at 29 weeks. She is the only cousin that we have contact with in our family. We were all really excited and tried to be there for her as much as we could because the baby daddy was out of the picture, she also had no family besides us around my area. This was also her first baby and she is in her early 20s. It was a big deal and we were so happy for her.
I was at work when I got a phone call from one of my sisters that my cousin was in the ER because she had really bad stomach pain that she couldn't bare and they couldn't find a heartbeat. *The night before she messaged her mom, in Texas, and her mom messaged my mom. Saying that my cousin had pain and that she had a lot of fluid coming out. My sister and I, both tried to convince her to let us take her to the hospital but she did not want to. I went home, thought I should go check on her, but instead went straight home.* So, I get to the hospital. My sister is there and my cousins friends are there. I immediately comfort her. And do whatever I can to just be there for her as they give her the news of the ultrasound, that baby was confirmed dead and they believe it could have happened in the last month.
She unfortunately had to go through the labor process and have a stillbirth. I was there for the entire process, about 3 days. I was there when she got the news. I was there when her heart broke. I was there when the dad blamed her. I was there when she had contractions. I was there when he was born, when she told us she felt pressure, when we lifted up the blankets to see his head popping out. I was there when he came out in 1 push. I was there when she got hysterical when she saw him. When she begged me why it happened, why she couldn't take him home. I had no answers, only 'im sorry'. I was there when they washed him. I spent the next 24hrs watching her hold him and cry. While I held it all in. Feeling guilty for wanting to cry when it was her loss. I went home. I cried my eyes out on my girlfriends lap. Who didn't understand what I was going through. She didn't even want me to be there. She didn't understand this was the first loss in our family in 21 years, the first loss I truly felt and could process what death was. I stopped crying around her.

We had the funeral. The prince being laid to rest. It tore me up. I am still so torn up and I feel so guilty. like i shouldn't be the one feeling this grief, this deep sadness every time i pass the cemetery on my way home. i feel like i dont have this right to feel like this because he wasn't mine. i dont think i ever processed or ever will because my gf doesn't see why.

I'm sorry if this triggered anyone really bad but I deeply needed to share these feelings.
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Re: *Trigger Warning* Loss of Baby Cousin

Postby sarahwpen » Wed Sep 09, 2020 7:06 pm

I am so sorry for your loss. You lost your cousin. I’m so sorry that you have been through such an awful experience. While I understand that you were not the mother of this child, that does not mean that you have a heart of stone! Of course you are sad! That is a normal reaction.

I want to share with you what someone once shared with me.
“Feelings aren’t right or wrong, because feelings are neutral. They are like the lights on the dashboard of your car. They are there to show you information, or to help you, we just need to pay attention to them and figure out what they mean when they show up”
Your feelings of grief are natural and kind and empathetic.

My cousin lost her infant to a very rare genetic disorder this past March. I never even got to meet him because of Covid. I cried too. Just because your loss isn’t the same doesn’t mean that you haven’t suffered a loss at all.
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