Can I get some insight and advice from people with this diso

Hi, my daughter is 20 and has recently told me that a big part of her depression and attempted suicides is that she struggles with wanting to transition.

I don't know the first thing about this, but there are some things she says that have me wondering if this is something she actually wants.

Firstly, she is a very petite, very feminine young woman who seems to enjoy being female. She is bi sexual, but has a much stronger desire for men than women.

Secondly, she has told me the reason for wanting to transition started when she was a young girl. She was sexually abused by her uncle, and thought that if she was a boy, he wouldn't be attracted to her. This reason no longer exists, but the thought has stayed with her as a result.

I don't believe that she wants to transition, I think she's just trapped in the thought as a result of trying to come to terms with what happened to her.

I am seeking advice as to whether she might actually still want to, and also on how best to support her whichever way she finally decides to go.

Thanks in advance, and please note, I love her and will love her no matter what. I want and need to support her and her decision

Hello, and welcome to the forums!

I was also the moderator who approved your other opening post- my sympathies- I'll provide the link here in case anyone else comes along and they'll see a more complete backstory on your 20 y/o:

post2288506.html#p2288506

I am not Trans- quite. I was born with boy bits and while I strongly wish to be female I don't feel as if I am. Or at least, at this stage, don't see the point in trying.

I'm also looking askance at whether your daughter really desires this. My personal rule of thumb is that if a person is not intensely unhappy with their body, then they need to seriously consider whether they're actually Trans, or not. Gender Dysphoria is just that- dysphoria. It's not a mood; it's not a fad; it's not the 'In' thing; it's not gender expression; it's not merely what suits your personality- such as being female would suit mine. It's 'I hate this body because it's wrong'. The Transmen I've known via these forums (I've known a couple) were intensely, dangerously miserable in their own female skins and desperate to escape that. One I can think of in particular from the Self Harm forum- the before/after in his outlook and mood is striking- once he began transition to male, that improved his mental state by leaps and bounds.

Unless a person is bona fide really miserable- I have always advised caution.

There's a YouTube channel I watch, a transgirl named Blaire White. I might catch some hate for that; oh well. Long as I'm mod, we'll have free speech in this forum. Besides being fabulous, Blaire's not an adherent to current Trans orthodoxy. Thus the hate. But to the point here, she's done videos on, and interviews with, detransitioners- another thing that catches a lot of hate in Orthodox Trans circles these days. But such people exist. One video- that of a teen FtM who later detransitioned and deeply regrets having done so- because she came to realise she was doing it for the wrong reasons, is this one:

https://youtu.be/tPBLyb8H_iE

Another video in which Blaire talks about the numbers of teens/young people wanting to detransition:

https://youtu.be/68WyJjcazoY

That second video, I direct you right to 4:30 into the video- there's a message to Blaire from a young woman who once thought she wanted to be a man- and like your daughter, the thought began because of a perceived advantage in being a boy- in this case from being bullied in school by the 'mean girls' (personal note- this boy still got verbally bullied from 'mean girls'- so being a boy is no refuge).

Now your daughter isn't a teen- but she's still not far from it, is she? I think if it were my daughter, I'd urge her to watch those videos and just generally search on YouTube for detransitioners- so she gets both sides of it and knows ahead of time what regret feels like, and why folks who regret it, came to do so. It's a huge thing to do- kind of like stepping off a cliff. Not everything can be undone if you change your mind.