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Confused. Unsure whenever trans or just a fetish

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Confused. Unsure whenever trans or just a fetish

Postby maximusda » Sun Jun 15, 2014 5:06 pm

I ve been having trans thoughts for a while now. There was even a period where i seriously thought I was trans which was triggered by exposure to some trans material.

I am 22 year old biological male. Not really the most manly guy but i never wanted to be a "femboy" or be feminine in any way.

The idea of being a woman is first of all very arousing for me, i had this fantasy from young but it was just like 10% of my fantasies. When i was younger(like 15) i did wear female underwear because it was arousing me but i slowly stopped in time.
I always knew i was 100% gay, i never felt any sexual interest towards women and i actually disliked women.(Mostly because they were the center of attention of men and i was feeling jealous). Sexually i am 100% submissive bottom and i really dislike using my penis, i even had fantasies of being a male that had surgery to have a vagina instead. It is not like i hate my penis, i still use it when alone but when i am with someone else i dont really find it useful and dont want it.

When i started thinking i was trans i was scared for some time and tried to search for answers. Though through that time there was a pretty big sexual arousal. I didnt really feel any body dysphoria unless i was masturbating or i was with another man and i wanted to have a female body and parts for him.

I realized that i was not trans and it was just somekind of fetish. The problem is instead of masturbating to that fantasy a little like before(10%) i use it almost 95% of the time. If i am feeling aroused and fall into an image of a female or anything female i cant stop myself from fantasizing myself as a woman.
Edit: Also I feel like if i find a boyfriend who pushes me into becoming his girl i wouldnt hesitate to try to transition whenever it is a fetish or not...

Also in my free time i have been somewhat extra misogynistic and negative towards women after i realized that this was just a fantasy and i wasnt trans.

Feel free to ask any kind of questions you might need in order to understand my situation better.
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Re: Confused. Unsure whenever trans or just a fetish

Postby arlette » Mon Jun 16, 2014 12:26 am

I realized that i was not trans and it was just somekind of fetish.

First, transgenderism is a spectrum, not only transsexualism. What you mean about "being trans"? In trans* spectrum is place both for transsexual people and for occasionally crosdressers. When we understand this term as spectrum, you can be trans. Also fetishism don't exclude even being a transsexual, some amount of fetish is often present in MtF and FtM transgender people - when we understand fetishism as sexology does, it's nothing surprising.

Second: fantasies about being a woman pretty often occurs in gay boys, so there is nothing strange in it.

Sexuality to be honest isn't the most important thing in being transgender. The most important is your view about yourself in relationships with others. If you're not transgender, any form of testosterone blocking probably would suppress your fetish and then you would start wonder what your indentity actually is. Personally I think you're surely not transsexual person.

Basically if you don't have any dysphoria, you can be everything you decide.

I have strong dypshoria and my sexuality is different than yours (but I'm also oriented only to men): I simply can't be guy in any relationship. Actually I didn't have and relationships with anyone before transition, only when I feel that I can be a girl I feel safe.
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Re: Confused. Unsure whenever trans or just a fetish

Postby maximusda » Mon Jun 16, 2014 1:16 pm

arlette wrote:What you mean about "being trans"? In trans* spectrum is place both for transsexual people and for occasionally crosdressers

Well when i was referring to trans i probably meant near the end of the spectrum where i could be an mtf and transition.
Not sure if i am that.
And i do crossdress sometimes but mostly for the sexual arousal.


arlette wrote: fantasies about being a woman pretty often occurs in gay boys, so there is nothing strange in it.

I had them when i was a kid but they were just like 1 weird fantasy that i used 10% of the time and didnt particularly care about it or was worried about it. But not it is a fantasy that is used almost all the time and i dont like that.
Maybe that is a reason as to why i am acting somewhat misogynistic online after i decided it was just a fetish.

arlette wrote:Sexuality to be honest isn't the most important thing in being transgender. The most important is your view about yourself in relationships with others.

Well i could see myself both ways in a relationship with others, but sexually i feel a lot more arousal from being someone's woman

arlette wrote: If you're not transgender, any form of testosterone blocking probably would suppress your fetish and then you would start wonder what your indentity actually is

So this fetish is likely to be caused by testosterone? Or high sexual drive?(Though technically unlike most males my age i dont have a huge sex drive. I might masturbate like 1 time every 3-4 days while many do it everyday.)

thanks
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Re: Confused. Unsure whenever trans or just a fetish

Postby maximusda » Mon Jun 16, 2014 1:21 pm

arlette wrote:
I realized that i was not trans and it was just somekind of fetish.

First, transgenderism is a spectrum, not only transsexualism. What you mean about "being trans"? In trans* spectrum is place both for transsexual people and for occasionally crosdressers. When we understand this term as spectrum, you can be trans. Also fetishism don't exclude even being a transsexual, some amount of fetish is often present in MtF and FtM transgender people - when we understand fetishism as sexology does, it's nothing surprising.

Second: fantasies about being a woman pretty often occurs in gay boys, so there is nothing strange in it.

Sexuality to be honest isn't the most important thing in being transgender. The most important is your view about yourself in relationships with others. If you're not transgender, any form of testosterone blocking probably would suppress your fetish and then you would start wonder what your indentity actually is. Personally I think you're surely not transsexual person.

Basically if you don't have any dysphoria, you can be everything you decide.

I have strong dypshoria and my sexuality is different than yours (but I'm also oriented only to men): I simply can't be guy in any relationship. Actually I didn't have and relationships with anyone before transition, only when I feel that I can be a girl I feel safe.
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Re: Confused. Unsure whenever trans or just a fetish

Postby Ada » Mon Jun 16, 2014 3:23 pm

Autogynephilia is a fetish where men are aroused by the fantasy of being female. And I don't know that fetishes in general have a biological linkage. [I don't have any evidence either way. But I've been reading here a while now. And I would have expected it to come up if it was there.]

maximusda wrote:Also in my free time i have been somewhat extra misogynistic and negative towards women after i realized that this was just a fantasy and i wasnt trans.

:|
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Re: Confused. Unsure whenever trans or just a fetish

Postby maximusda » Thu Jun 19, 2014 5:29 pm

Ada wrote:Autogynephilia is a fetish where men are aroused by the fantasy of being female. And I don't know that fetishes in general have a biological linkage. [I don't have any evidence either way. But I've been reading here a while now. And I would have expected it to come up if it was there.]

maximusda wrote:Also in my free time i have been somewhat extra misogynistic and negative towards women after i realized that this was just a fantasy and i wasnt trans.

:|

The problem is that i cant get rid of such a fantasy. It always comes back no matter what, i am trying to stop it but i cant.

And honestly, i think my mysoginy has increased after i realized it was just a fetish. So it might be connected to by main issue somehow
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Re: Confused. Unsure whenever trans or just a fetish

Postby lostdoll » Sat Jun 28, 2014 8:12 pm

I had it the other way around. I spent my early life in denial that I had transgender feelings and I explored the world of bdsm, delving very heavily into being a submissive sissy.
After masturbating to the idea of someone forcing me to be female I would sit in the bath and tell myself that I was a freak, that it was a one time thing.
I was very anti transgender as everyone around me was, (strangely I was very anti Sissy when I started my transgender journey, I denied I had ever been one).
I wish that I had explored those feelings then instead of calling it simply my fetish. Years later I regret the time I wasted in denial.

My advice is that if you cannot picture yourself as female in your day to day life then you are dealing with sexual feelings.
I have met others who wanted to do change their gender because of a sexual desire but each turned back as they realised this is a long and painful journey.
If however you get a warm feeling from being female without it being rude then I would encourage you to explore those feelings.
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