Am i a gay guy or a straight woman in a man's body?

Hi. Firstly, my english is not very good. So, sorry for grammatical mistakes in my story.

I am 21 years old now.When i was 3-4 years old, i put towel my hair. I imagined towel is my girlish hair and i was a girl. I often imitated female characters on tv. My dad reprehended me because of these things so i didn't put towel my hair anymore. But i still felt like a somewhat girl. When i was 5-6-7 years old, i played playstation with a guy. When it was a fight game and included female characters, i always chose a female character. When we played wife-husband games, i was always a wife. But i didn't play barbies, try to wear female clothes or try to damage my penis. But my acts was so femimine. Also, my face had feminine traits. I had big, innocent eyes, red, shining lips like a girl.

In primiary school, i was bullied because of my feminine acts. After these bullies, i tried to control my behaviors. I tryed to acted like a guy. And in elemantary and high school, i didn't encounter any problems. I was attracted to only guys since i was 5/6 years old, especially masculine guys. Thinking of kissing a female disgusted me. I masturbated to think only guys. But i couldn't do classic masturbation. When i did classic masturbation, i felt a weird pain. I couldn't ejaculate. I rubbed my penis against the bed. And i didn't it when i was nake because i felt a weird pain again. I only did this masturbation when i was dressed(underwear, tracksuit) I was only sexally aroused watching straight porn, man/woman kissing. Man/man kissing, sex didn't turn on me so much. Because i liked imagining myself a female. I tried to anal sex a man as a bottom, but it hurted very much. Sometimes i imagined myself having woman breast and vagina and wished i was a female. I really don't like anal sex. I thought I wish i was female and have vaginal sex.

İ entered puberty very earlier. I became hairy and had a beard very earlier. My feminine face turned into a very masculine, macho face. But i still felt somewhat a girl. i didn't like my hairy body and beard. I didn't have a problem wearing men clothes except suit, pants and tie. I also didn't interest in women clothes, makup, shopping, fashion. I liked wearing plainly. T-shit and jeans. That's all. Since i was elemantary school, my voice was neither very feminine or very masculine. But i didn't use any cusses when i was talking. Using cusses felt me weird. I also didn't interest football, basketball, cars. Now, i asked some people i am feminine or not. They all say i am not feminine. Even when i say i am attracted to males, they are surprised. But i was very confused my sexual identity in my whole life time. Maybe i supressed my feminine side since i was bullied in primiary school. Maybe i also wanted to wear woman clothes and be a real woman but i supressed it too. I don't know.

Do you think am i a gay male or a straigt female in a man's body?

Maybe stop trying to fit yourself into a box. Just be who you are. If you are sexually attracted to guys, just accept that without trying to label yourself as gay.

If you like something that women tend to do, just accept that you like doing that without trying to label yourself as a woman (in a man's body).

Just accept that you are a complicated person - you are, so its not surprising that you are confused. Certainly from external appearances the world outside your mind looks much simpler. But don't forget inside heads of all the other men and women you see, is struggles and confusion you can't see also.

Just accept the details of your tastes and gradually you will find yourself where you need to be. If you've got over the need to pretend to be a woman, don't try to drag it out again. If you've got over the need for something else, same. Just be yourself as you are today in all your uncategorisable complexity.

Since you are attracted to me and don't like anal sex, maybe you can try to persuade your lovers to do other things instead and save yourself the pain.

A few months ago i saw an excellent move about transgender people. It was made in thailand by the BBC. There was quite a bit of discussion about the surgical vagina. It is disappointing to a lot of men. Apparently even the men who had sex with it, didn't like the fake vaginas - because obviously they don't behave like normal vaginas - they wouldn't have the muscle control or the natural lubrications and so on. It would be just like a tight ot loose sock of skin - and therefore nothing like a real vagina at all. IT seemed the guys who were happiest sexually were the ones who didn't have the sex change.

Of course if you didn't like your male bits, then maybe chopping them off is not so terrible but i certainly wouldn't think it a good idea. btw i am writing as a woman. But i'm older and therefore old enough to be able to respond to your question.

its actually probably good that you are comfortable wearing a suit because this means you don't have to struggle with a lot of the pressures and problems that cross dressing men have to experience.

I hope you can learn to live with who you are. Enjoy what you enjoy and so long as it doesn't hurt anyone, don't be ashamed. And do'nt let anyone else take advantage of you either. Look after yourself. Respect yourself and eventually you will work it all out and find a degree of happiness in the world.

btw way one more little anecdote. When i was at art school, the woodworking shop was run by a man in his 50s dressed like a tart in heels, tight skirt, boobs, lipstick and longish, paroxided blonde hair. I don't think he was trying to look like an old tart but it was hard to hide his potbelly and his age and so on. His voice was a man's and his so were his manners. But there he was, having come to dress and go to work as he wanted to do and no one gave him hard time about it. It was something to get used to for sure but the culture of an art school generally accepts things a little out of the norm. He even had been married and had a child who he seemed to have a decent relationship with if i remember correctly.

sounds almost like autogynephilia. I can relate to wanting to have sex with a man while being a woman, but you're the first homosexual man I've ever heard of like this (if it actually turns you on to think about being a woman.)

Like you I really only get seriously turned on by straight porn (imagining myself as the woman.) Even though I get turned on by men I feel like it's really the femininity I associate with myself having sex with men that turns me on.

Also like you I masturbated by rubbing my penis on the bed face-down with my clothes on. (I still do this today, although I usually slide my pants down.)

Hi and welcome here

It sounds to me that your female traits are not exclusively related to sexual content but also every day life. Some people experience themselves as living in the wrong gendered body, some experience feeling like both genders (or in varying degrees), another gender or no gender. Some like men, woman, both or have other preferences (like autogynephilia described above). Any of these thoughts and feelings can really only be figured out by the person having them though. It's great you're coming here to make sense of your feelings and find what you feel is right for you.

I think some things for you to maybe ponder is:
do you feel like a woman? do you feel like a man? if no to both, what do you feel like?

Because i liked imagining myself a female. I tried to anal sex a man as a bottom, but it hurted very much. Sometimes i imagined myself having woman breast and vagina and wished i was a female. I really don't like anal sex. I thought I wish i was female and have vaginal sex.

I'm not sure if I am reading you entirely correctly but I wanted to just point out that there are other ways to have sex that does not include neither anal nor you having a vagina that you might find more fulfilling.

Do you have a T you could work with about these thoughts and urges? A T who has worked with trans or LGBT people might be able to better assist you through the process of self discovery and understanding yourself better - no matter what your answers to your questions are.

I hope you're able to come to your own conclusions and accept whoever you are

A straight woman inside a man's body? How's that work? Under your penis somewhere there's a vagina? You're whatever you say you are, but realisticly since born male, you're either a gay male or bisexual male. You are NOT a female. I dunno why people wanna make it so complicated. Simple anatomy 101, if you were born with a penis you're male, if born with a vagina you're female. How you act doesn't enter into it.

HesDeltanCaptain, it's your black and white outlook on gender that makes it difficult for those of us who feel that our true identity is at odds with our body parts identity. Gender is not defined by body parts.
I and others who are transitioning are not doing it for fun, we are doing it because our brains don't identify with what our bodies present.

Trojan, thanks to Hans unnecessary post the conversation has moved to a different topic.

Its hard for me to resist buying into but i hope that none of this upsets the OP. I wish him all the best and hope he finds happiness in who he is as he is.

However, i am a woman and i resent the notion that men who want to be women, think that they are and should be treated like women by us. To me they are still men but obviously do not fit in with the dominanent male roles in society. I am willing to accept men dressing up as women, and its their body so they can do what they want with them, even though i feel its a tragic mistake (and apparently a good number of men who get the change regret it) but none of this makes them women.

A y chromosome is what makes a man a man and not a woman. A person with a y chromosome is never going to be a woman.

Certainly a man who grew up as a boy is never going to be a woman, though he's going to have a better chance at pulling it off than someone who lives their youth as a boy. but its still not the same as me and i would prefer people with Y chromosomes do not use the ladies loos. Sorry. There is too much that's different about us.

A few years ago i met a person who had a y chromosome and 2 Xs. I say he because he dressed and presented himself as a man. I'd probably say she if he presented himself as a she. It is really only someone like this who can make any serious claim to womanhood (apart from those of us who only have 2 x chromosomes. The rest of you are not women and cannot be.

What you feel or what you want cannot affect this fundamental fact. Its difficult wanting to be different from what you are but i've learnt to accept it and i think you guys should too. I mean i'd like to be beautiful. And no amount of surgery, make up or self-deception is going to change that fact. I can only improve on what i've got but beautiful is impossible. Just as i could not be a great artist. Or Teh President of the United States. You've got to start out with the basic ingredients.

fiftysix wrote:Certainly a man who grew up as a boy is never going to be a woman, though he's going to have a better chance at pulling it off than someone who lives their youth as a boy. but its still not the same as me and i would prefer people with Y chromosomes do not use the ladies loos. Sorry. There is too much that's different about us.

A few years ago i met a person who had a y chromosome and 2 Xs. I say he because he dressed and presented himself as a man. I'd probably say she if he presented himself as a she. It is really only someone like this who can make any serious claim to womanhood (apart from those of us who only have 2 x chromosomes. The rest of you are not women and cannot be.

Right, but it sounds like you're talking about physical sex here. I'm pretty sure the OP is referring to their gender.

Here is the definition of gender according to Merriam-Webster: "the behavioral, cultural, or psychological traits typically associated with one sex."

So.. if you still can't accept that someone born in a male body can be female it doesn't really matter. It doesn't make it so. Male and female may be physical states but they are also mental states by definition whether you accept it or not.

The member above me is quite correct, and the issue is far more complex that the chromosomes a person was born with. Gender identification concerns itself with many things - emotions, thoughts, behavior, feelings, intuition and gut instinct, attitudes etc. The issue is not so black and white as fiftysix suggested. It is not a matter of either/or. There are so many areas in between.