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why cant i stop??

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Re: why cant i stop??

Postby blue_green_lake » Thu Nov 05, 2015 6:39 am

Even though I have been a member of this forum for years, this was the first time I have ever read through this thread.

So many posts on this thread of people who only came here once ... wow. This thread I think so much epitomizes the futility of gambling.

Welcome to this gambling addiction forum, yuripavlov1958. You have to believe that you are worth it. You are worth more than money, worth more than "getting it back."

Gambling is ultimately not about money. It is a way to chase a rush of brain chemicals. That is why a gambler has a hard time stopping even when ahead. The gambler wants more of the drug.

To me, the only way I have found to stay away from gambling is to look at it logically. There is no winning in the long run. You are playing against the equivalent of loaded dice.

Gambling is the equivalent of paying someone else big bucks to let one temporarily feel "lucky." So sad when looked at in the cold hard light of day.

Yuri, at G.A. you will find other people have been where you are.
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Re: why cant i stop??

Postby GmblrMomNoMore » Thu Nov 05, 2015 1:09 pm

Even though I have been a member of this forum for years, this was the first time I have ever read through this thread.


it's the first time I've seen it as well. I checked, and I've on on here about 11 months now.

It is sad to see so many that are on once never to be hear from again, I do wonder how things are going for them. Hopefully the all found help.
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Re: why cant i stop??

Postby uskat » Sat Nov 07, 2015 9:00 pm

powerful testimony of the insidious nature of my pathology

I too win, and I don't stop either, thus end w/ loss.

Times when I HAD to leave a casino to get somewhere I might leave up -- but I ALWAYS went back on that "UP" in addition to all the times going in on the "DOWN"

I was thinking about cash the other day. I NEVER had cash on me in adult years. Always used credit cards/etc. Just never carried it.

When I was w/ a husband, or dating it always felt to powerful to have a guy open his wallets w/ loads of cash to pay for things (prob cause they didn't have credit ha :shock: )-- felt so decadent.

W/ casino -- all those hand pays in CASH -- fanning out the money in the room after -- so much cold hard cash Euphoric Unreal DELUSIONAL

The bank statement with numbers didn't come close to that cash in hand My experience trained me to have a strange relationship with the fresh Benjamins.

1 week no gamble today. Glad I am not alone. Coming out of the shock of what I've done.
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Re: why cant i stop??

Postby buster1969 » Sat Nov 07, 2015 10:50 pm

uskat wrote:powerful testimony of the insidious nature of my pathology

I too win, and I don't stop either, thus end w/ loss.

Times when I HAD to leave a casino to get somewhere I might leave up -- but I ALWAYS went back on that "UP" in addition to all the times going in on the "DOWN"

I was thinking about cash the other day. I NEVER had cash on me in adult years. Always used credit cards/etc. Just never carried it.

When I was w/ a husband, or dating it always felt to powerful to have a guy open his wallets w/ loads of cash to pay for things (prob cause they didn't have credit ha :shock: )-- felt so decadent.

W/ casino -- all those hand pays in CASH -- fanning out the money in the room after -- so much cold hard cash Euphoric Unreal DELUSIONAL

The bank statement with numbers didn't come close to that cash in hand My experience trained me to have a strange relationship with the fresh Benjamins.

1 week no gamble today. Glad I am not alone. Coming out of the shock of what I've done.


One of the worst triggers that I remember from early in my recovery was thinking about how I was always up at some point. During my ten years of trying to quit it probably was the main reason I failed so many times. The killer was that it wasn't me lying to myself, I wasn't kidding when I said that I was almost always up at some point. I literally still think that if I could have always just left when I was ahead I would have made money. And if I could have stopped gambling when I was losing or left when I got back to even I could have made a living doing it.

But the truth is that I can't stop. Somebody in GA once said "you can leave when you're way up or when you're broke but you can never leave when you're close to even" and it is so true. If I could have left when I was up $200-$300 or when I was only down $300 I never would have had a problem. But I never could.
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Re: why cant i stop??

Postby blue_green_lake » Sat Nov 07, 2015 11:23 pm

uskat wrote: W/ casino -- all those hand pays in CASH -- fanning out the money in the room after -- so much cold hard cash Euphoric Unreal DELUSIONAL


I never had a hand pay. But I do recall the euphoria of walking out with several hundred dollar bills (for me a lot of money). At one portion of my life when I won several trips in a row, I kept the hundreds in a shoe box at home. I felt rich. If a homeless person asked me for money, I had no problem raining cash on them. But we all know the rest of the story. After winning for several trips, I started an inexplicable, horrendous run of losses. It was inevitable, and is known in statistics as "expected value." And I should have known better, being a student of statistics myself.

So now that I am no longer gambling, what I do is intentionally keep more money in cash on hand than I did before I started gambling in life. I feel that psychologically it helps me to carry around more, to have less of a feeling of deprivation. I know that for some gamblers carrying cash is dangerous, but for me it works the opposite. It makes me feel like I already won and it lessens the urge.
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Re: why cant i stop??

Postby riseNfast » Sun Nov 08, 2015 12:34 am

I had experience a hand pay before. That was my one and only hand pay during my 2-year gambling experience on slots. After the casino gave me the money, I felt so invincible. I feel like I can beat the casino and recoup my losses. But, Lo and behold, the moment I stepped out of the casino that day, I lost that hand pay amount. :roll:

Lesson learned: If you are a pathological gambler, you will never win. Even if you win in some occasions, you'll definitely gonna put it back up to the last penny.
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Re: why cant i stop??

Postby blue_green_lake » Sun Nov 08, 2015 12:52 am

riseNfast wrote:But, Lo and behold, the moment I stepped out of the casino that day, I lost that hand pay amount. :roll:

Lesson learned: If you are a pathological gambler, you will never win.


How did you lose your handpay when you walked out?
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Re: why cant i stop??

Postby buster1969 » Sun Nov 08, 2015 1:25 am

blue_green_lake wrote:
uskat wrote: W/ casino -- all those hand pays in CASH -- fanning out the money in the room after -- so much cold hard cash Euphoric Unreal DELUSIONAL


I never had a hand pay. But I do recall the euphoria of walking out with several hundred dollar bills (for me a lot of money). At one portion of my life when I won several trips in a row, I kept the hundreds in a shoe box at home. I felt rich. If a homeless person asked me for money, I had no problem raining cash on them. But we all know the rest of the story. After winning for several trips, I started an inexplicable, horrendous run of losses. It was inevitable, and is known in statistics as "expected value." And I should have known better, being a student of statistics myself.

So now that I am no longer gambling, what I do is intentionally keep more money in cash on hand than I did before I started gambling in life. I feel that psychologically it helps me to carry around more, to have less of a feeling of deprivation. I know that for some gamblers carrying cash is dangerous, but for me it works the opposite. It makes me feel like I already won and it lessens the urge.


From our weekly readings:
This is another common characteristic of compulsive gamblers. A lot of time is spent creating images of the great and wonderful things they are going to do as soon as they make the big win. They often see themselves as quite philanthropic and charming people.
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Re: why cant i stop??

Postby riseNfast » Sun Nov 08, 2015 2:31 am

blue_green_lake wrote:How did you lose your handpay when you walked out?


After I received my hand pay, I went back and played more slots because I was thinking that it was my lucky day, the perfect time to beat the casino, and recoup my losses in the past. I ended up losing my hand pay. :|
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Re: why cant i stop??

Postby uskat » Wed Nov 11, 2015 3:54 am

YOU ARE NOT ALONE

YOU ARE NOT STUPID

YOU ARE NOT WEAK

You have a brain that craves the rush you get when you bet, win, nearly win.

It might as well be a drug giving your brain the rush, or drink, or another addictive substance or process.

I just saw OVER 70,000 people have viewed your POST!!!! your title why can't I stop?? resonates with EVERYONE who looks at this board.

Hopefully the pain/damage won't be too great when you make the choice to make a change.

I thought I could stop 2 yrs ago, then again 1 yr ago, and I've put it down again 10/30. If I can help/talk happy to. Otherwise, please keep showing up whether you quit or not, try for a GA meeting, the board forum, anything to reach out to us who get it.
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