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why cant i stop??

Gambling Addiction message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Re: why cant i stop??

Postby Oliveira » Sun Dec 15, 2013 9:03 am

Welcome to the forum mileslee66.

The road to recovery begins with the decision you have just made. Congratulations -- it is the right one. We'll be here if you need to share how things are going or ask questions.
Currently working on my upcoming signature.
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Re: why cant i stop??

Postby Benz1980 » Wed Feb 05, 2014 4:32 am

Ok so here it goes, I am a 33 year old cArpenter that has been gambling since I was 15 ish. I have pissed away more money, relationships, jobs, family, and friends than I care to mention. I have done illegal activities to get money to gamble/chase my loses after a big loss or just when I lost all my money.then repeat. I have banned myself from 4 states of casinos and still find ways to gamble. And not on line either. I have spent more than half million in the casinos, and tired of this crap. I have said I was done at least 1000 times especially after a big loss or a bunch of big losses in a row. My latest has been that I have been going to gas stations and playing the slot machines. In my state they have decided to legalize gaming in a ton of locations so now that has been my new nich. I am about to lose the greatest support in my life due to this ... I know that all I can do is except and move on but since she decided that my gambling is not going to ruin her life any more it's drawn me back more and I am tired .... I can't lose the best and only support I have. Family is supportive of me but it's not the same as your partner spouse gf etc... It's crazy how much I would do for this woman but bottom line is my gambling has to quit I am not sure how to keep to the no gambling. I can go for weeks without it then I get theses urges to just go and try to win some extra money so I could buy something nice that I wouldn't buy then I go balls to the wall and blow it all... Currently making about 1200 a week and donating about 1100 to these jags... I am so done and just want to keep it that way. I hope this helps and just to let everyone know , I have ruined my teeth because I am to cheap to spend money to get them fixed, I am to cheap to buy clothes shoes etc, but then again I can go blow 1000 a week or more on gambling go figure, don't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of but I can be so ignorant as to blow all that money for all these years...no more though let's keep doing no gambling one day at a time. Give our spouses control of finances cuz worst case scenario they spend it on having nicer things for us and our lives any ways so better they do that and have something to show for it rather than us to take and have nothing the rest of our lives... Would we give our money away to a bum on the streets, then why keep giving everything the rest of our lives to the casinos and be the bum on the street!
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Re: why cant i stop??

Postby ssaassaann » Mon Jul 07, 2014 7:48 am

Hi Everybody,

Certainly, I am not happy to see you here (and to have problems similar to mine); but I feel being supported and connected to you cause I can talk to you openly about my condition.

I am an online gambler; I play no-limit poker. I used to enjoy it when I was playing live and I did not have the feeling that I am drowning in it.

But I feel that I can not stop myself playing online. I have lost like $5-6000 throughout the last 6 months. I have not won ever and after reading your comments I am pretty sure that I have become addicted to losing. I wanna change that today because I know there are much bigger problems waiting for me if I continue playing.

I have lost $650 over this weekend (and it is like one third of my monthly salary and thanks to God I do not have anyone to ask some money from!!). I was really angry with myself, but now that I am writing to you (and knowing that it will be read by you) I feel much relieved.

Anyway, you wont never find yourself reading the story of my loss again. Instead, I will keep posting about how my life goes without online gambling.

Please keep sharing your stories. You may not know that, but it really feels that we are connected and we have to keep in touch - at least for me it is the case.

Hope we all learn from our mistakes!

Have a good time
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Re: why cant i stop??

Postby scthomas122 » Wed Nov 19, 2014 12:05 am

I have the same problem. I was something like £4000 up and have just lost £2300 today.

Although I am still up from gambling, this loss makes me both angry and so disappointed in myself. I know that the maths of gambling are always stacked against the player but the feeling of winning big makes me feel like its not that hard to do again and so is so hard to walk away from a loss.

I try and and make myself think its not my money I'm losing rather it's the bookies, but these are just excuses for my addiction. Online blackjack has made me a recluse, cornering me in my room, in the work toilets and on my lunch break.

I need to stop before I lose it all.

It should be both simple and logical, the odds are stacked against you therefore unless you don't want to lose more money in the long run, don't gamble.

From today, I am not going to gamble. I am no longer going to risk losing my money, my time, relationships with other people (either due to my mood depending on how much money I have won or due to the time spent on gambling).

I am going to work. I know its not going to be easy, but I am going to force myself not to. After this it will then come natural, don't gamble and you will be happy consistently, independent of how much you win that day, you will start enjoying life and money won't be your first thought when you wake up in the morning.
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Re: why cant i stop??

Postby butterbean11 » Thu Dec 04, 2014 10:54 pm

Reading this is a real eye opener for me. I have recently discovered online poker sites and I seem to be regularly throwing away a huge portion of my paycheck each week. I promise I will play within a budget and then next thing I know I am just playing to try and win back all the money that I have just lost. I know that I am an addictive person, if I do something I enjoy then it sucks me in but I just cant help it. Everything seems fine, as if I'm not bothered about losing the money... until I hit zero and then I suddenly feel sick. Poker used to be a fun past time for me and my friends and now suddenly it is my dirty little secret. I have it in my head that I am going to have a big win so I can go out and buy something awesome but in reality I would be far better off just putting the money I spend on poker into a savings account. I would have a deposit to buy a house by now! If anyone has any tips on how to block sites that would be great. the only thing that keeps me away from poker sites is my girlfriend, if there is a night when she is working later I am straight on the laptop. I hate it, I should be living a comfortable life with no kids and no ties yet I am broke just days after payday. I am at the very early stages of addiction but I know it will only get worse if I don't get a hold of it. Reading everybody's experiences has really helped me to see how bad things can get but If you guys can stop after 10 -15 years of addiction, then I really have no excuses. All the best everybody, It feels really good to get this off my chest.
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Re: why cant i stop??

Postby buster1969 » Fri Dec 05, 2014 6:48 am

butterbean11 wrote:Reading this is a real eye opener for me. I have recently discovered online poker sites and I seem to be regularly throwing away a huge portion of my paycheck each week. I promise I will play within a budget and then next thing I know I am just playing to try and win back all the money that I have just lost. I know that I am an addictive person, if I do something I enjoy then it sucks me in but I just cant help it. Everything seems fine, as if I'm not bothered about losing the money... until I hit zero and then I suddenly feel sick. Poker used to be a fun past time for me and my friends and now suddenly it is my dirty little secret. I have it in my head that I am going to have a big win so I can go out and buy something awesome but in reality I would be far better off just putting the money I spend on poker into a savings account. I would have a deposit to buy a house by now! If anyone has any tips on how to block sites that would be great. the only thing that keeps me away from poker sites is my girlfriend, if there is a night when she is working later I am straight on the laptop. I hate it, I should be living a comfortable life with no kids and no ties yet I am broke just days after payday. I am at the very early stages of addiction but I know it will only get worse if I don't get a hold of it. Reading everybody's experiences has really helped me to see how bad things can get but If you guys can stop after 10 -15 years of addiction, then I really have no excuses. All the best everybody, It feels really good to get this off my chest.


Welcome aboard Butterbean. There is software out there that blocks online poker sites that is fairly effective but the best way to stop is to email them and tell them to exclude you. I got so down when I was gambling that I told them that I was suicidal and that if they didn't block me I'd end up dead.

You also need to know that your story is EXACTLY the same as countless other people. The good news is that you haven't spent years and years of your life struggling with this addiction. If you can be honest enough to admit this here you can do it in a GA room and get the real help you need. I can tell you first-hand that GA rooms work and if you want to stop gambling they are far and away your best option. You'll either end up in one sooner or later so why wait and waste years of your life and miss out on a lot of good times when you can do it now?
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Re: why cant i stop??

Postby arvegas » Wed Mar 04, 2015 6:01 pm

I'm writing this from a "comped" suite at Cosmopolitan in Las Vegas. I walked in here a couple nights ago following 25 successive blackjack wins totaling around $17000 during a month long outing that began in San Diego Casinos and has now led me back to Vegas. Two nights ago, I lost all my recent winnings that took 25 sessions to accumulate and I am in the hole an additional $15000! The loss is one thing, but the manner in which it occurred affirms my belief that I cant control myself so don't see the point of continuing even though a part of me wants to gamble right now. I was down $14000, then got even here, even going up a few thousand; kept playing then went down $25000, then got even again. Then after no sleep and a "why not" stupid attitude, I got down $30000 and stayed there, too tired and demoralized to fight back. I'm in now over $30k at Cosmo. And that's just this latest binge. I have lost like this in years past too and have lost in the stock market as well. I estimate my gambling losses at over $250,000. I called the GA hotline yesterday while staying in the hotel and a fellow member picked my up right from the Casino and we went to a GA meeting. It was a good meeting. But with the few thousand in cash in my satchel this morning, really want to go back out to try to build up my bankroll again. Im wrestling with my conflicting emotions. I came back to Vegas to try to start over and have fallen into gambling as quickly as I got here. Its shocking how little control we have over our gambling. I was on a serious "high" just a few days ago and thinking I could edge out the casinos...a few hundred per day or more...but...alas, the odds and poor money management caught up with me as deep down I knew they eventually would. I have been in and out of GA a few times always doing more damage than before. I also have serious employment problems and have trouble obtaining and keeping whatever crummy jobs I have had over the past few years. I'm in a pretty crappy place. And when it rains it pours because I found out yesterday that I need an expensive root canal. So Im homeless, unemployed, with a small bankroll and action in the form of comps keeping me off the street. I really dont even know how this day is going to play out or if I get out of here with any money at all. Scary indeed.
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Re: why cant i stop??

Postby Kewell_007 » Sun May 10, 2015 11:01 am

Hi Guys,

Wow it seems i am not alone on this! My story is very similar to everyone elses, and I am in the beginning stages of trying to beat this life altering addiction! I have banned myself from online sportsbooks and from the local casino...baby steps i guess, doesnt mean i dont think about gambling all the time! Even as we speak I am looking at the odds for some arb tennis fixtures..pathetic!

I have just withdrawn the little i had left in my sports betting account and have vowed that it is the last - guess its going to be alot easier said then done, as this is not even near my first time taking these "steps" to stop myself!

My story began when i was about 19, i had just returned from London - moved back to a place i knew noone and found myself searching for things to keep me occupied. I joined 2 sports teams that occupied me pretty well! Until one day the guys decided they are hitting the casino - me just wanted to go with the flow - joined them and kind of enjoyed it. It was before payday so didnt have much to go crazy. Played a few hands of blackjack and was instantly hooked at the ease i was winning hands and found a comoradary with the people at the table. As the story goes, this was a place that i found acceptance! Payday came and my first stop was to the casino - this time alone, as I wouldnt have anyone telling me what to do when to leave etc..flip i wish i had tho!

This became a daily habit...at casinos until early hours of the morning, going to work exhausted, borrowing cash, getting salary advances, credit cards, loans whatever i could to keep up the facade. The day that rocked me was when i had a huge win. I left the casino up about 50 fold what i started..no small change..to end up there the next evening losing all of it plus an additional 50,000. I banned myself the next day and vowed to never gamble again...the one good thing that came of it was now that Casinos were not part of my everyday routine! However i found a more intising and overly addictive way to get my thrills!!

Sports betting, easiest thing was it was all on my phone...id go days losing 10k-20k and wouldnt even feel it until i actually looked at my bank account. Im 29yrs old now and still have the same problem, backing the underdog and playing huge on a "sure" bet that always finds a way to get beat!
29yrs old about 500k-600k flushed down the drain, live with my folks when i easily could have my own place and alot more successful in my career...i have lost relationships over this adddiction, lost friendships and hurt the people closest to me. I find myself lying about what my plans are, why im in so much debt, i have just become a really good liar!!

This has to stop and as of today 05May2015 is stops!

I am done with being this shady guy that can shout out every fixture today, and along with that the odds overs and unders...I just need to live a normal life and focus on the day to day things that make us as humans truely happY!!

Thanks for listening/reading guys...i appreciate any support!!! And good luck on your paths to recovery!
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Re: why cant i stop??

Postby shart1135 » Mon Jun 15, 2015 7:39 am

Hi all you out there struggling with the same story......I too, started slots/pokies as they're called here is Aus, for some stupid reason. It was when I was at uni....why? dunno. I was having some sort of panic thing and I found that I could just sit at a machine, play and escape. Then I won.......you know the rest of the story right? I won and the irrational thinking of "hey, I could just sit here some days and make my fortnightly scholarship payment in a couple of hours" which happened.....sometimes. Anyway, 12 years and two kids later, I am still playing, albeit online - it's easier, quicker and well...I am at home (nice and safe) NOT!!!!!!!!!!So God knows how much I have spent....don't want to think about it. I have pawned my very expensive engagement and wedding rings and Tag watch fifty million times............taken my kids savings, stole from friends, used money for food for dumbass electronic robbing machines. I currently am "blacklisted" from my family. They think I am sick, which I probably am. They think I am being stupid (which I am) but they don't understand or use the right words to help me. I keep thinking "if I could just get the big one, I can make it up to the kids, husband, me.....we could go on holidays. I could do "normal" things". I don't even know what that is anymore. I am so disgusted in myself, I have three freakin university degrees and I am still doing this. I don't know why. I have given control over my account to my husband who ensures I don't blow my good pay, ( still have a secret side account) I beg him to hide my jewellery but I always find it.....I manage to investigate ways to get money from lenders and get money easily. I always have the best intentions to make a bit, withdraw and pay off debts but it never happens so........I am going to ban myself from the online pokies and see it that helps. There's a free blocker on the internet somewhere if you look. Even if you have to pay, it would be worth it. I don't know why I keep going back even after losing so much.....my kids need new clothes etc I need new clothes. God, I need a life. I don't understand this. anyway, I have been to therapy etc and all good for a couple of months then BANG! here we go again. Don't know what to say anymore, felt suicidal but can't do that to two beautiful little girls who love their mum. I am going to see the Dr as I believe that this may have something to do with a chemical imbalance, I will let you guys know what happens, if I get put on something an if it works. Love and peace to you all. xxxxxWe are all suffering, wish we could all get together and just have a drink, tell our dumb stories and mentor each other more than the forum.
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Re: why cant i stop??

Postby yuripavlov1958 » Tue Nov 03, 2015 9:23 am

Interesting reading all these comments.....I can relate to and feel for everyone...

I remember the day clearly 11 years ago....I started with 400 GBP on online Blackjack and somehow got it up to 60,000, with some extraordinary luck that I have never had or will ever have again... but I stayed and stayed online for hours and hours and playing hands of up to 4k each...eventually I cashed out at only 20,000. It was still a huge huge win, but that was ground zero. Every time I went back thinking I can win 60k again, every time I usually lost. I had a decent senior management job in a software company, but I would take my laptop to the meeting rooms secretly and pretend to be on conference calls, instead I was gambling. And always losing. The 20k went within a few months....then my life savings in a few more months, then credit cards, then loans, then stealing from parents. Then eventually I fled the country, lost my job, friends, family....been close to death a few times, each time survival instincts take over. You wish you were dead, but like most say on here, the pain and anguish that would cause your loved ones stops you from doing it. Even stealing from my own flesh and blood and they still love you and care about you, how can you cause them more pain by killing yourself?

The hardest thing to fight when being addicted is this notion that you are always (usually) up before you go down and lose it all. You think the next time you can cash out when you've doubled your stake, but when you get to double, you can't stop, you think you can win a few quid more. You've built up the pot by betting small, then suddenly you bet one big bet and it goes against you....your mind thinks $#%^, one more just to win this one big bet back then I cash out still in profit. Even if you win it, you still want to do it one more time....it's a vicous circle that you can't get out of. Win and you want to win more....lose and you want to win it back. And when you get back down to your initial outlay you will do the stupid thing and say all or nothing. Maybe this time you are lucky and hit a blackjack...and you stop sweating and cash out 2.5 your outlay. But what about next time?? You're never going to hit a blackjack on the last hand all the time. And when you lose your last hand because you got a 20 and the dealer hits 21, you scream and slam your laptop down then walk to the shower banging your head on the wall. The feeling is the worst thing in the world....people think about heroine addicts as the no good pieces of $#%^ in society that they are....I'm no different to them.

I'm still an addict to this day. The other day I was 1700 down, then slowly playing on my phone over a few hours I made back the losses by depositing another 1000, I prayed just to make back the losses and then cash out, but I didn't...even at 600 up I kept on wanting more....then off course lost it all again, 2700 in total. I self exclude myself and then will join other sites. I swear if God helps me make back last weeks losses then I will give up...but I never do. There's not enough losses for me to make up. I've been to support groups and it doesn't fully help. I don't know what the answer is....I know the easy way out...but that's not the answer.

Good luck all.
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