Online Gambling Is Worse Then In Person

As low as low gets...former drug addict turned gambling addict who has now lost it all. My fiancée was diagnosed with brain cancer in March of 2023...during our time at the hospital after seeing ad after ad for online casinos I made my way into online blackjack. Winning a few bucks here and there helped bring in donuts and snacks for the nurses during our stay. Little did I know it would turn into a full fledged addiction, an addiction that would be worse then any benzo or opiate problem in existence. March, April, May have came and went with weekly hospital and doctor visits and still no answers or progress to our Cancer problem. All along while my warrior fiancée is fighting for her life I'm gambling away every penny l've ever had and taking multiple loans out with a plan to pay back not realizing I've just created a hole can no longer climb out of. Ive managed to ruin it all from the seat of my cell phone, I didn't have to step foot into one casino or lender... the internet and my cell device powered it all. I work a 9-5 and each day I am trying to plot on how to come up with another dollar just to survive. Ive ran out of borrowing power and Ive finally hit the wall of defeat. My fiancée has no idea where I am financially and how I will not be able to help her is daunting on my soul. Bills are piling, food is scarce and I've sold all I can sell just to get us rent. I was blinded by the chase of getting back the money I lost the first couple weeks back from the hospital...it has now spiraled into another beast on its own. Gambling has ruined my life, I have ruined my life... trial by fire has been a motto for me but this one takes the cake. I don't need the money for me, I need it for her. This is as pathetic as one man could be and I know that...im just stabbing at the dark at this point...I guess a gamblers chance the irony...

Welcome to the forum Degen,

I am sorry that you are in such a tough situation. A gambling addiction is hard enough to get over, but at the same time, your fiancées cancer diagnosis make it more complicated. It looks like you need to support your fiancée, however you can only really help others after you have helped yourself.
For your situation, I would look into gambling blocking software which would prevent access to gambling sites on your phone. If you want to go one step further, get rid of the smart phone and use an old school phone with no internet capabilities. That's what I have and my wife calls it a 'dumb phone'. It sounds like your gambling is limited to online gambling so I think the software could be a good tool for your recovery. This shouldn't be your only tool for recovery. They more barriers we put between us and gambling, the better it is. Please read our strategies thread for lots of great ideas.