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So bored of life

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So bored of life

Postby holly20 » Thu Jan 06, 2022 9:06 pm

Hi all,

I realised why I gamble it's because I find life so mind numbingly tedious and boring. I don't remember ever not feeling this way, I've always HATED life and wished I was never born. Gambling is the only thing I enjoy it's just something to fill the time mostly. I'm mid 30s and refuse to have kids so not sure how to kill the next 20 years of life like most people do.

I'm not in too much dire straits with gambling as I don't have credit cards or loans (I'm well aware of how bad things could get if I did) but have borrowed and lied to family about why I need money and owe a few hundred or more to them.

I'm so so depressed and this is why I gamble, I cry on the way to work nearly every day I hate it so much and hate being out in the world. I can't remember not being close to tears most days, I've hated every job I've ever had and everything about life. All my wages are gone straight away so my days of hell are usually for nothing anyway.

I want to quit gambling but it's the only joy I have in life I don't get what else there is to possibly enjoy. Makes me wonder why people have kids when half of them will probably end up addicts of some sort, is that what people want for their kids? I have 2 siblings and we are all addicts, me gambling, the others are alcoholics, we have addictive personalities and need something to help get us through life else we'd be dead from boredom already.

How do I find any joy in this tedious horrible world? Think I'll quit gambling and just go to work and then go sleep when I get home and sleep my life away instead of gambling it away.
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Re: So bored of life

Postby Aries411 » Fri Jan 07, 2022 3:58 pm

Welcome to the forum Holly,

I can see your despair clearly in your words and I feel for you. I understanding the feeling how gambling can be the greatest joy in you life. You look forward to it, you enjoy, you constantly think about it and its the only thing you want to do. As the same time, we know it also makes us liars, hurts our conscience and hurts our sleep since we always thinking "What am I going to do now?!" after each loss. Perhaps the movie Owning Mahowny said it best:

- Psychologist: How would you rate the thrill you got from gambling, on a scale of one to 100?
- Dan Mahowny: Um... hundred.
- Psychologist: And what about the biggest thrill you've ever had outside of gambling?
- Dan Mahowny: Twenty.

I used to feel like that also, but I eventually found things that gave me just as much joy in life.
The best advice I could give is to find that 'joy' in life (easier said than done). Travelling? Exercise? Volunteering? Cooking? Socializing? and try to incorporate more of it in your life. I would like to give advice for you to quit, but it doesn't seem like you are ready yet. Forcing and giving advice to someone who isn't really ready to quit isn't very successful.

When you do find what you enjoy, please post it on the forum because I'd love to hear what you found!
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Re: So bored of life

Postby holly20 » Fri Jan 07, 2022 5:23 pm

Hi Aries,

thanks for the supportive reply, must admit I was expecting a bit of a grilling after my rant lol.

Yes that movie probably sums up how I feel about gambling. I've stayed away from all other addictions like alcohol and drugs etc. (tried to learn from my older siblings mistakes) never thought I would end up an addict anyway but it's happened.

I'm an introvert so that is also part of my problem, the things that give joy to other people are something I shy away from. I've never got anything out of socialising so I don't do it anymore and travelling is not something I'd enjoy for the same reason. I don't think someone like me can ever enjoy life, EVER. It's just the way my brain is wired.

I've just taken steps to cut down on gambling- I've put very low deposit limits on most of my accounts now so we'll see how that goes. I think it''ll really help because the amount of deposits was getting out of control and now I know I won't be able to just waste money thinking I can just deposit again.

It's definitely an escape from life just cos I really don't wanna be here.
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Re: So bored of life

Postby Aries411 » Fri Jan 07, 2022 10:33 pm

Hey Holly,

When I read your post, it kinda sounds like depression, which can be difficult to get out of. At the same time, it also seems like it is the type of mentality you've been feeling for so long that you can't see any other outcome. My heart goes out to you. There must be something that brings you happiness. How about animals? Do you like pets? Movies? Music?

I am happy you put a restriction on you account. Online gambling is quite difficult to overcome. I would suggest self-exclusion if you really want to stop. Anti-gambling software can also be very useful as well. The more barriers we put in between us and gambling, the higher the chance of success for our recovery.
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Re: So bored of life

Postby holly20 » Mon Jan 10, 2022 5:21 pm

Nah I don't have any happiness in life, none at all. Too many major downsides to everything. Pets I used to love having but when they get sick it's too much stress and worry. I have major guilt over making wrong decisions in the past so now I don't have any animals. Yes I like music but it's still not worth having to be born for, nothing is. Life is a gamble my parents made and I'm the one who loses and has to go through it. At least my gambling for the most part doesn't affect anyone else! I think I'm hoping one day to just hit the big one and quit my job and just live on my own so I can't make anymore bad decisions, I suck at my job anyway.
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Re: So bored of life

Postby NewSunRising » Wed Jan 12, 2022 11:00 am

Holly , if you hit " the big one " your life would not get better . I can almost guarantee it would get worse . Gambling is a progressive disease . The longer you gamble , the harder it is to stop . Winning a lot of money only fuels the urge to gamble more . Whatever you won would soon be gone .

I'm not a medical professional but really think you should see one . There could very well be a physical or mental reason for your unhappiness with your life . Nobody is deliriously happy 24/7 . Equally , being miserable 24/7 isn't always normal either .

holly20 wrote:I don't think someone like me can ever enjoy life, EVER. It's just the way my brain is wired.


What if there was a way to change that ? I think you owe it to yourself to find out the answer .
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Re: So bored of life

Postby holly20 » Wed Jan 12, 2022 5:58 pm

NSR yes that's true I've won lesser amounts before and the money can disappear in one binge session of just a few hours. Sometimes I can't even tell you what I spent it on, the slots can eat £100 in 10 minutes without you even knowing what you're doing.

I started out just playing bingo, and that led to a slots addiction which is never what I planned-it's a scandal they allow slots on these sites. Bingo can be addictive too and I've lost large amounts on it but it's nowhere in the same league as slots addiction. They have all these measures in place limits, exclusion etc. but nowhere can you just block the casino/slots side of these sites. How many addicts are they making this way.

I've finally decided to go on antidepressants, I never thought they worked or might even make things worse but I'm hoping they might numb my emotions a bit. Kind of like how I can spend £500 gambling and it doesn't even faze me now because I'm numb to it and don't care, that's what I need for my emotions. I've had some horrible things happen to me in life, I don't see it as odd that I'm depressed, just a natural reaction to the stuff I've gone through, life isn't a bed of roses. It'd be odd if I was happy after the things that have happened to me.
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Re: So bored of life

Postby NewSunRising » Thu Jan 13, 2022 12:52 pm

I hope the meds help you Holly .

Gambling was my " escape " from depression . I wasn't diagnosed as clinically depressed but I had the same kinds of feelings that you do . Gambling made everything so much worse . I played slot machines to numb myself try and escape my life . The result was that I ended up even more depressed because now I was broke on top of everything else . It was a vicious circle that financially ruined me in a remarkably short period of time .

Do some research on slot machines to see how they are actually engineered . I recommend a book called Addicted by Design . It details how these machines are deliberately constructed to get ( and keep ) us addicted .
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