Monetary Allowance? (Compulsive Saving with Gambling)

I am so tired of the markets. But i am not willing to speak about it anymore to people. It has gotten too hard. Regardless, I am still suffering through compulsive saving issues. I have spent too much time saying to myself "Every dollar i spent could have been spent buying this stock" blah blah. I, once again, withdrew everything from the market.

Anyways, I ate me a can of garbanzo beans with alfredo sauce for dinner tonight. That was a 50 cent meal. That was most of what i ate today. There is 0 reason for me to be living this cheaply. I'm so tired of it and it all is starting to feel like a crazy game where i just laugh at myself and go "well here is to the future month of rent i can fully pay for when i am like 40". Its poor thinking and its proof im not completely living in the present. I cover it all up with jokes but really i am suffering from a vitamin deficiency from being so cheap and i am needing to probably be smarter with this. I need to do better.

I was thinking of giving myself some sort of monthly allowance to assist with things. Maybe $100 a month. This is completely reasonable i would imagine? I am just so mad of not taking care of myself properly, i am neglecting myself to escape to my mind and im scared of paying for it later. This $100 will not include groceries, but perhaps be like an including of better groceries?