Quitting for Good

Day 46 of GF.

Just a few days ago, I was running through some ideas of a side hustle, so that I could supplement my current income and finish off my debt sooner. And while doing this, the thought of gambling came up. I felt lousy thinking of it. It has done so much of damage to me, yet why do this thought still appear.

It is good to have someone to converse with and to share out without holding back any secret, like when I attended the previous GA. I should look for this avenue in the online space.

I'm not in bad or desperate situation, but I do want to stay GF forever.

RicardoG wrote: I felt lousy thinking of it. It has done so much of damage to me, yet why do this thought still appear.

We can't control our thoughts, but we can control our actions. I have had many thoughts of gambling over the years. This is attributed to the gambling habit and mentality I had for such a long time.
However, once those thoughts enter my head, I consciously remember all the bad times it brought and how I don't want to go back to that every again. I don't entertain those gambling thoughts anymore, which can lead to urges and may eventually lead me back to gambling.

I've done enough gambling for one lifetime...

Good job Ricardo in remembering how much damage it has done to your life when you were in a vulnerable situation mentally. Many of us might have used it as a reason to try to gamble again.

Day 51... time flies.

Thank you Aries for your reply. I can never get bored reading the replies from either you or NSR.
Your words are positive and very meaningful to me and frankly even though I haven't met you both, I just feel that you both are "Angels" to this forum.

I'm the type of person that "forgive and forget", yet I realized that I must never forget "the bad" of the recent gambling activities, and how I keep on digging a deeper hole in my current debt situation.
Only in time, I will be able to resolve this debt through my hard work.

For those of you reading out there, especially guests...I would like to encourage you to create a profile and start posting your experience or stories. You will only understand this part once you do it.
It will also help in your journey especially most of us live in this secret world alone.

Thank you RicardoG for those kind words .

You may find that as you go forward in your recovery journey that supporting and encouraging others helps you too . At least , that's how it is for me . Addiction is so brutally hard to overcome when you're fighting it alone . It means a lot to hear someone say " I'm fighting the same battle and we can help each other . We can do this . "

And I thank you for being one of those people here .

Thank you also for your kind words Ricardo,

Just like NSR, being here and trying to help others is also part of MY recovery. Quite a very important part. I check this forum pretty much every day and it just keeps me on my toes and makes me remember that this is something I have to be aware of for the rest of my life. It is member like you and many others here that have helped me stay strong against his illness. Thank you everyone!

Lets keep on being gamble free together!

Thank you NSR and Aries for your replies.

True indeed what you both mentioned. By helping others, we are reinforcing ourselves.
I had my struggles in the past, although I still do. But I believe that when we help others, what we are doing is noble. It helps us at the same time, without us realizing it.

Day 57 of GF, my focus is on family and work. I'm not forgetting to take time off to meet friends and stay connected. I want to be on the opposite side of loneliness.


P.S. I need to be vary while drinking outside. Need to control: not to be out too late and not to be intoxicated (especially if I'm driving).

Day 66 of GF.

It has been 2 months of GF.
Life is best without the problems which this "G-sickness" can bring.
Focusing on work and other aspects of life.

Awesome update RicardoG .

Despite the relapse , please be assured that your desire to stay in recovery is now actually stronger than your urge to gamble . It's all about time . Time away from gambling strengthens our resistance the same way that time spent gambling weakens it .

Relapse is a real possibility for us all . So is recovery . It's the amount of time we choose to allot to them that determines which one will endure . You're doing great !

Thanks NSR for the encouragement.
True... my desire to be GF is stronger now.

I was going through this link the other day which is from this forum:
gambling-addiction/topic146734.html

15. Have you ever gambled to escape worry, trouble, boredom or loneliness?
18. Do arguments, disappointments or frustrations create within you an urge to gamble?

Those feelings in question 15 and 18 are the triggers that had caused me to relapse or gamble.
I need to be aware of these points, and react in the right way, so that I don't fall again.
At least once a week I need to come to this forum, (to kill my boredom/start my week) so that I can browse and read something to further strengthen me.

Day 73 of GF.

Was having a short thought of my past win. But it just stayed there.
There can't be a repeat of the past, because it was purely luck and there was a lot of uncertainty.
I can't deal with that... I have to stay clean for the longest period now....or better still, stay clean till my last breath.