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I HATE MYSELF TODAY

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I HATE MYSELF TODAY

Postby BadluckLeavesMeBroke » Sat Oct 12, 2019 7:11 am

I hate myself today. I borrowed my sister's money who I love so much and lost it. I was hoping I could win and pay her back. I feel so bad. Yea, I hate myself today.

Lately I've been so broke living paycheck to paycheck. I actually used my rent money and my own mom's money to gamble to try and get ahead with some money. I almost lost it all but I was lucky to win it back plus more to work with. Risking my rent money was such a mistake.

I've been trying to beat the casino daily in baccarat with these systems I created to try and win just enough to pay for necessities and maybe a bit extra. It keeps working temporarily but eventually I come to the inevitable loss.

The bottom line is, I hate myself today. I lost $200 of my sister's hard earned money, and a total of $1700 this past week, and in the past couple of months I have lost around $5000 to $8000 dollars. I feel like crap and feel stuck.

God please help me remove this addiction from my life and also find some decent means of income that will allow me to afford necessities and also have some decent things in life without having to overwork myself (and sacrifice my health). Oh Lord do I need help. I am so disappointed in myself right now.
CORRECTION: GAMBLINGLEAVESMEBROKE
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Re: I HATE MYSELF TODAY

Postby Aries411 » Sat Oct 12, 2019 11:20 am

Hey BLLMB,

By your words, its doesn't seem like you've hit rock bottom or hit a turning point, which means this will continue for much longer and get worse and worse. I do applaud the fact that you are voicing your feelings because it was something I was never able to do. Thinking of strategies, using rent money, borrowing, praying to God... those are the regular things in the cycle of gambling addiction. I am sure you still love to gamble (Hey, I still have that feeling!), but all these thoughts and actions have been your regular life for the past few years. Those were my thoughts, feelings and actions for 17 years. During those 17 years, would I have made the necessary changes to get out of the addiction? No. Even though I wanted to stop and knew it was good for me, I wasn't really willing to make the changes. If it wasn't for my wife finding out and having my world shatter, I would be still living like that.

Bottom line, its going to get worse for a number of years until you hit rock bottom.

UNLESS... You have the strength and courage that I never had to self-exclude, stop borrowing, attend GA and pretty much do almost everything in the strategies thread.
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Re: I HATE MYSELF TODAY

Postby Rainman19 » Sat Oct 12, 2019 4:30 pm

I agree with Aries411, I don't get the feeling that you want to give up your gambling, I can see that you are really into it with strategies and feeling like you can beat the casino. This is all very well if you can afford to gamble or have some spare money but your gambling sounds totally out of control - losing 8000 dollars in the past couple of months is crazy, why are you betting such huge amounts when you cannot afford it?
The other error you are making is that you know all casino games can never yield profits long term, every casino game has a negative expected return for the players gambling - roulette, blackjack, craps, slots, baccarat, etc. As we all know, a Casino will never go out of business, the more money gambled the bigger their profits. The only casino game you could possibly make money from is poker as you are playing against other players and if you are skilled you can make money long term but it is a very hard game to master and be at a much higher level than most of your opponents.

I am a gambling addict but I have it totally under control, I work on strategies and bet sensible amounts. When I see a strategy or type of gambling doesn't yield profits I move on. I can never get my head around lumping on these games with a negative expected return, it is impossible to make money long term in such games, so there is simply no point.

I am probably not the best person to be offering advice to people who want to give up gambling as I would never give up gambling, but what I would say is that there is an alternative - if you cannot give up at least get your gambling under control, for starters stop gambling crazy amounts of money and if you are like me in experimenting with different strategies - test your strategies out at either low stakes or without money to see if over a respectable sample (I think a sample of 1000 bets is the right size - recording every outcome) to see if your strategy shows a profit. Only if you know you have found an edge should you then be betting larger stakes, but even then it has to be in line with what you can afford.
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Re: I HATE MYSELF TODAY

Postby Fund Manager » Sun Oct 13, 2019 2:13 am

Rainman19 wrote:I am a gambling addict but I have it totally under control, I work on strategies and bet sensible amounts. When I see a strategy or type of gambling doesn't yield profits I move on. I can never get my head around lumping on these games with a negative expected return, it is impossible to make money long term in such games, so there is simply no point.


Virtually every casino game has negative expected return in the long run.

Rainman19 wrote:...if you are like me in experimenting with different strategies - test your strategies out at either low stakes or without money to see if over a respectable sample (I think a sample of 1000 bets is the right size - recording every outcome) to see if your strategy shows a profit. Only if you know you have found an edge should you then be betting larger stakes...


Your advice is well-intentioned but recklessly dangerous to 99.9% of compulsive gamblers.

There is not a single casino game which offers a genuine edge opportunity to the player. The enticing quest for the holy grail of casino gambling ("finding the edge") has brought nothing but endless misery and financial destruction to millions of gambling addicts. Unless you engage in clever and sophisticated cheating (see recent Mike Postle poker scandal) your supposed "edge"---should it exist, even temporarily---would be quickly negated by casino management (adding more decks, changing the rules and payouts, etc).
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Re: I HATE MYSELF TODAY

Postby NewSunRising » Sun Oct 13, 2019 7:44 am

Fund Manager could not have said it better .

Rainman19 wrote:I am a gambling addict but I have it totally under control,


I strongly believe that only half of this sentence can be deemed correct - it doesn't matter which half . For a gambling addict , control is an illusion . For a person who can gamble in control , addict is not usually a term someone would label themselves with .

Either way , this is a support forum for those who want ( and need ) to stop gambling completely . Your advice , although well-meaning , is not in line with that purpose . Please refrain from encouraging any member here to continue to gamble .
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Re: I HATE MYSELF TODAY

Postby Wally58 » Sun Oct 13, 2019 11:09 am

NewSunRising wrote:Fund Manager could not have said it better .

Rainman19 wrote:I am a gambling addict but I have it totally under control,


I strongly believe that only half of this sentence can be deemed correct - it doesn't matter which half . For a gambling addict , control is an illusion . For a person who can gamble in control , addict is not usually a term someone would label themselves with .

Either way , this is a support forum for those who want ( and need ) to stop gambling completely . Your advice , although well-meaning , is not in line with that purpose . Please refrain from encouraging any member here to continue to gamble .



My name is Wally and I am a recovering alcoholic. It would be very arrogant of me to state that I am a "recovered alcoholic" or had any aspect of this disease "under control".
It would be very dangerous for me to entertain the fantasy that I had this disease of compulsion and addiction licked and never to relapse or go back out again.
In the 12-step rooms, we hear the stories of those who have "slipped" and gone back out for another round that ends in the same way that it always ended before, even much worse, never any better (more misery, self-loathing, additional damage, etc).
We were expecting something different? We thought that we could finally get it right this time? Many never return and we wonder what became of them. There is a late-stage, point of no return.
I found out after repeated attempts to quit by myself, that I could not. At first, I considered it a personal problem and not a disease. I was wrong. I needed something to fill the hole left inside me and I needed to hear how other people did it.
It is pretty simple for me really, just don't pick up that first drink. That won't start the ball rolling again and I have a fighting chance to remain sober. I also had to stop other risky behaviors along with smoking that were associated with my primary addiction. One day at a time. Change people, places and things.
It is said that the 12-step programs aren't for people who NEED them, they are for people who WANT them. When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.
Best of luck to you. :D
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Re: I HATE MYSELF TODAY

Postby marathon » Sun Oct 13, 2019 6:36 pm

Rainman19 wrote:


I am probably not the best person to be offering advice to people who want to give up gambling as I would never give up gambling, but what I would say is that there is an alternative - if you cannot give up at least get your gambling under control, for starters stop gambling crazy amounts of money and if you are like me in experimenting with different strategies - test your strategies out at either low stakes or without money to see if over a respectable sample (I think a sample of 1000 bets is the right size - recording every outcome) to see if your strategy shows a profit. Only if you know you have found an edge should you then be betting larger stakes, but even then it has to be in line with what you can afford.


If it would not be that sad it would be funny. Some people can indeed manage addictive things quite well. Smoking only once a month, alcohol moderately and maybe even gambling as "fun night out". But such advice in an addiction forum is idiotic....EVERYONE started with low bets and thinking he knows about the edge etc. And here we are.
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Re: I HATE MYSELF TODAY

Postby Wally58 » Sun Oct 13, 2019 10:09 pm

If I knew ahead of time how much I was going to spend, how much I was going to drink, how much I was going to smoke and manage the outcome of the day, then I wouldn't really be an addict, would I?
An addict has no control of how, when or where things will end. The Disease is chronic, progressive and invariably fatal.
However, the Disease can be arrested at some point and recovery is possible.
Best of luck to you. :D
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