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Enough is Enough

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Enough is Enough

Postby NotFunAnymore » Sat Aug 31, 2019 12:57 pm

On my very last trip to the casino I decided enough is enough! My husband and I went to the casino so he could place a sports bet for himself and a friend from work. He has no issue with the casino or gambling so it's just fun for him. We go and as soon as he has his sports betting tickets he's ready to go. I am never ready to go until I have lost it all.
This particular day (8/17/19), we arrived and I asked him to drop me off at the front of the casino where the slots are. I get out and immediately went the bank machine to get more cash. I told my husband I would only spend the $140.00 that I had in cash (LIES). I took out $260.00 more because I need at least $400.00 to gamble (RATIONALIZE). I sat down at my favorite machine and within 5 minutes I hit a $2,000.00 jackpot. The frenzy begins. The lights and sounds of the jackpot music were so loud that I had forgotten my plan.
The plan I rehearsed in my mind for the next time I won a jackpot was to get paid and exit out the side door before I had a chance to give it all back. (FALSE SENSE OF CONTROL). Needless to say, the plan didn't work. I once again let the "monster" take over. The attendant couldn't pay me fast enough. Now thinking back, I couldn't hear my thoughts...only the music.
The attendant came back with the cash, she finally turned the music off and as she was placing the hundred dollar bills in my hand, all I could think about was recouping the taxes I allowed them take out from the jackpot (CHASING) - and it was "on" from there. I was running around like a maniac going from slot machine to slot machine.
I was noticing physical changes too. At one point my fitness tracker read 130 beats per minute for my heart rate however, I was standing still at a slot machine. I was hot, irritable, stressed, super tense and mad. I was so tense I could feel my body stiffening . I used to enjoy playing slots but I just kept thinking to myself that this was not fun.
This continued until I lost it all. While I was losing I kept making deals with the "monster" that I would not go below $500.00 of what I had won but I lost that and $700.00 more of my own money. This all happened within an hour.
When I met back up with my husband he asked me if I had fun and I replied "No, it's NotFunAnymore!".
The very next day I called a gamblers help hotline and asked for some help!

Today, I have 14 days gamble free!!!

As I write this I can tell you All that I am so very proud of myself for so many reasons:
1. For admitting I have a problem.
2. For asking for some help.
3. For no longer stalking this site and finally becoming a member.
4. For confessing just how much of a problem I have to my husband.
5. Accepting that I can never gamble again because I am wired differently than everyone else and that's ok.

Thank you all for your stories and allowing me to stalk the blog before joining. Thank you for providing a safe space for me to share. Success to us all!
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Re: Enough is Enough

Postby Aries411 » Sat Aug 31, 2019 1:21 pm

Welcome to the Forum NFA,

Wow! Since two weeks ago, it seems like you have learned a lot and begun to change your life around. You have admitted you have a problem, told your feelings to your husband, called the gambler's hotline and understand that we cannot risk gambling again or else we will fall into the same cycle. Amazing!

I think the more barriers we put between ourselves and gambling makes it harder for the addiction to take over. Since you are into slots at the casino, I would recommend self-exclusion if you haven't thought about it already. Secondly, perhaps GA (Gambler's Anonymous), but it seems like it has been a roller coaster for the last two weeks and I don't want you to burn out your recovery. Just consider it for the future.

Other than that, what an awesome update to the start of your recovery!
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Re: Enough is Enough

Postby NewSunRising » Sat Aug 31, 2019 2:14 pm

NotFunAnymore , your determination shines throughout your post . You have every right to be proud of your 2 week milestone and your decision to live your life free of that madness .

I am also addicted to slot machines and every word you wrote is my story too . Be prepared for the addiction to fight back . It will not go away quietly . Aries has given you some very good advice , self exclusion is a powerful weapon against this disease .

Keep us posted and keep going ! :D
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Re: Enough is Enough

Postby NotFunAnymore » Sat Aug 31, 2019 3:04 pm

Aries and NSF,

Thank you both for the warm welcome. I have self-exluded from my state. After I paid all my bills and fueled my vehicle, i popped in some ear plugs and put on the darkest sunshades I could find. I had no more money and No ATM card. I blocked the sights and sounds and my access to cash and then I went to the casino to self exclude. It was easy in my state. I told the person at the door I wanted to self-exclude and instead of walking my through the casino an agent came out to meet me and walked me through a door where I was able to complete the paperwork without being tempted by the casino floor.

I was thinking about GA too but the counselor I am working with cautioned me against doing too much too soon. I told him about this forum and we decided this was good for me for now.

I know two weeks is not a lot of time. So, I have read the strategies thread for ideas for things to do to destract me from gambling. I am trying to be as proactive as I can. I made a list and at the top of that list is painting the interior of my house. That's going to take some time. Next is purging of duplicate items (kitchen first), then placing all of my family photos in order by date, completing a certification for work and building a laundry center in my basement. Those things should keep my busy for a while.

I will keep posting because I need the accountability, encouragement and comradery. I also want to share in the hopes that my posts will help someone else as everyone's posts helped me.

I have tried quitting before but always with the goal of getting it under control so I could return to it but this time is different. I'm tired of allowing myself to be controlled by gambling and I finally realized I have a choice. I don't have to do this anymore. I have better things to do with my money and especially my time. I am so done with gambling.

Gambling can kick rocks!
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Re: Enough is Enough

Postby NotFunAnymore » Sat Sep 07, 2019 1:44 pm

Good morning everyone,

Here's my update since last week. I have completed one paint job in the house. Who knew painting a straight cut in line was so hard? It took the entire weekend to finish the job but what a great distraction.

Monday was a holiday, hubby had to work so I would have spent the day in the casino, but instead I got my car serviced. I sat and waited with my car. I had a nice lunch, got a pedicure and I read this blog on my phone. When I got home I had just enough time to freshen up and make dinner.

I prepared myself for the urges NSR warned me about. I read through the strategies thread again. I find something new each time.
So, I was driving to work and heard a casino commercial on the radio. They made it sound so positive. I thought about the casino and even saw myself waltzing into the high dollar section, I could even smell the fragrance of the casino and feel my pulse quickening. It's been three weeks since I last gambled and I realized that I don't care for the casino fragrance and I don't like the rushed, tense and stressed feeling. I used to fool myself into believing those were feelings of excitement but now I know those were feelings of panic and my mind and body telling me this was not good for me and that I needed to fight or flee the situation. I know now that I much more enjoy being calm and without worry. I don't enjoy being overly stimulated like that.
Back to the urge, as I imagined myself strolling into the casino and to the section of high dollar slot machines the lights began to dim. I've been telling myself that the casino is a dark place for me and I will only lose if I gamble.
It's amazing how powerful the mind really is. Just as the lights dimmed in my vitural casino I smiled to myself and said "I have a choice!".
After that one the urges came like little annoying flys that needed to be swatted away. Nothing as intense as the casino commercial. But each time I repeated "I have a choice!".

As crazy as it seems I had allowed myself to believe that every time I received a promotion to pick up a free set of pots, free play, or free food credits that I had to go redeem it. I equated not redeeming those items to leaving free money on the table. The casino didn't force me, they tempted me but I made the choice. This is so simple and I wonder why I didn't I think of this before? I HAVE A CHOICE! I guess I just wasn't ready? I won't cry over spilled milk. I am just thankful that something finally clicked to snap me out of that madness. That one little statement has totally changed my perspective. I feel empowered and strong.

I've still got to get through the rest of this day because it is Saturday which used to be my day to gamble. I have a fun day planned to keep me distracted and a class to finish for work. I can do this! I am doing this!

Have a good and gamble free day everyone!
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Re: Enough is Enough

Postby rainbowcolor » Sat Sep 07, 2019 9:47 pm

You are doing great Not Fun Anymore, your handle remind me the main reason why I stopped gambling was because when I crossed that line into compulsive gambling and chasing losses, all the fun went out the window.

It is very smart of you to listen to your inner voice and know what is good for you and block out all the noises telling you it is a good day to go to the casinos and get the “goodies”.

The truth is that no matter how much we win, it is never enough and it is sad to get stuck in this vicious cycle of winning and losing, so stressful and unnecessary, life is more than that.
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