Our partner

Some things are as bad or worse than gambling

Gambling Addiction message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Some things are as bad or worse than gambling

Postby blue_green_lake » Sun Sep 16, 2018 4:14 am

I am not making this statement here to encourage gambling. I am only writing because I want to share a related problem. When I was in the world of casino gambling, I was sacrificing my health for what I thought was a good chance to earn some money. Actually, I lost a large amount (for me) of money, after a bit of beginner’s luck. But even if I had been a successful card counter in blackjack, the gambling lifestyle was too destructive to health and sanity, and would not have been worth it.

However, what I am doing now is even more destructive to my overall health, shockingly. I moved from the US to Canada to get a PhD. The department that I am in at this school has a toxic culture. Crazy requirements are like hazing rituals. They are essentially unmerited stress tests. The degradation that seems inherent in this process is crushing. I never had high blood pressure before, now it is high; and I’ve developed other stress symptoms.

My funding has run out. I don’t see myself being able to able to earn much income until the dissertation is done, because of time constraints. My supervisor is not a supportive person and has contempt for me it seems, as my sensitivity comes across as “weak.” I don’t have much of a choice here for getting someone else in my department, given my subject area.

I ended up in the ER last week. I was seeing flashing lights in my one eye, they took my blood pressure and it was up in the danger zone. I am afraid that all this stress makes me more likely to have a stroke. The frightening experiences I’ve had lately feel like wake-up calls.

I find myself doing the very thing that my recovery from gambling has taught me not to do. I am sacrificing my health for a worldly value. It’s disappointing that I feel compelled to do such a horrible thing to my body for any reason (money, position, etc). It’s self-abuse. I don’t know how much longer I can live like this.

I know that no one here can solve this for me. I just needed to share. I am sad. But don’t worry! I will not gamble! I can no longer pretend that gambling leads to anything good.
blue_green_lake
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1237
Joined: Thu Jun 14, 2012 4:44 am
Local time: Thu Sep 20, 2018 9:48 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: Some things are as bad or worse than gambling

Postby NewSunRising » Sun Sep 16, 2018 9:01 am

Hugs BGL , if you want some . That sounds like a horrible , toxic environment . I hope you can salvage what you can and get out of there quickly .

I'm so glad you're secure in your recovery and you're right - the stress and effect on your health isn't worth it . I'll keep you in my thoughts !
User avatar
NewSunRising
Moderator: Consumer
Moderator: Consumer
 
Posts: 3691
Joined: Mon Feb 17, 2014 12:44 am
Local time: Fri Sep 21, 2018 1:48 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Some things are as bad or worse than gambling

Postby Notlookingback » Sun Sep 16, 2018 1:58 pm

I have to disagree with you about your situation being as bad or worse than compulsive gambling. You are still building towards a better future, instead of tearing down relationships, money and everything else. It may seem as bad right now. Being treated unfairly and negatively is awful and like you said toxic. Yet, compulsive gambling is a life long addiction which has led to the largest suicide rate amongst all addictions, divorce, and poverty. Right now, you can still do things to get away and maybe enjoy something. When in the midst of this addiction, there is no joy.
Notlookingback
Consumer 2
Consumer 2
 
Posts: 42
Joined: Mon Nov 09, 2015 5:32 pm
Local time: Thu Sep 20, 2018 7:48 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Some things are as bad or worse than gambling

Postby blue_green_lake » Mon Sep 17, 2018 12:43 am

NewSunRising wrote:Hugs BGL , if you want some . That sounds like a horrible , toxic environment . I hope you can salvage what you can and get out of there quickly .

I'm so glad you're secure in your recovery and you're right - the stress and effect on your health isn't worth it . I'll keep you in my thoughts !

Thanks so much, New Sun!! I appreciate the hugs very much.

You write, " I hope you can salvage what you can and get out of there quickly ." Yes. I can't believe how this process diminishes a person and how rapidly things have become horribly toxic and crushing (killing) for me. I have some big decisions to make, and very soon. This is an unsustainable situation. Thank you so much to keep me in your thoughts. I need all help I can get right now.

Notlookingback wrote:I have to disagree with you about your situation being as bad or worse than compulsive gambling. You are still building towards a better future, instead of tearing down relationships, money and everything else. It may seem as bad right now. Being treated unfairly and negatively is awful and like you said toxic. Yet, compulsive gambling is a life long addiction which has led to the largest suicide rate amongst all addictions, divorce, and poverty. Right now, you can still do things to get away and maybe enjoy something. When in the midst of this addiction, there is no joy.


Notlookingback -- I get what you are saying, that gambling addiction is extremely destructive. But what I am going through, this health state and these feelings are worse than anything I have ever felt before, even when in the middle of a gambling addiction. It is giving me health problems that contribute to early death, so to me it is as concretely destructive as any addiction. Perhaps I should not have compared the two things in the heading. I certainly don't want to diminish gambling problems and the harm they bring. But I am going through a hell is life threatening and scary.

<< Right now, you can still do things to get away and maybe enjoy something. When in the midst of this addiction, there is no joy >> oK, yes to a certain extent I can enjoy myself at times. But stress takes over the brain, and it has affected me greatly, and in my free time as well.
blue_green_lake
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1237
Joined: Thu Jun 14, 2012 4:44 am
Local time: Thu Sep 20, 2018 9:48 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Some things are as bad or worse than gambling

Postby Fund Manager » Mon Sep 17, 2018 12:55 am

blue_green_lake wrote:I moved from the US to Canada to get a PhD. The department that I am in at this school has a toxic culture.


Wow, sounds like York University. :(

blue_green_lake wrote:I find myself doing the very thing that my recovery from gambling has taught me not to do. I am sacrificing my health for a worldly value. It’s disappointing that I feel compelled to do such a horrible thing to my body for any reason (money, position, etc). It’s self-abuse. I don’t know how much longer I can live like this.


Highly recommend you PROACTIVELY deal with the situation rather than end up in the ER again. Perhaps re-evaluate your career/life goals as well. Is a PhD absolutely necessary for your future? Can you secure good employment with your current credentials? There is a steep learning curve for many professions---medical, legal, accounting, finance, etc.---and only you can decide if the long-term rewards are worth your time, effort, and stress. Best of luck OP! :D
Fund Manager
Consumer 1
Consumer 1
 
Posts: 33
Joined: Tue Apr 05, 2016 7:40 pm
Local time: Thu Sep 20, 2018 8:48 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Some things are as bad or worse than gambling

Postby 58gambling » Mon Sep 17, 2018 5:57 pm

BGL: Someone once told me that stress can kill you faster than a lot of diseases or health problems.
With that in mind, I would strongly suggest you extricate yourself from that situation which is causing this, which has put you in the hospital. You say you are limited in your situation as far as options for your goals, but I believe that is only in your mind. There must be thousands of options out there; you just don't know about them or exposed yourself to them. Remember, health always comes first; without it, nothing else matters, not money, not position, not anything else.... if you are incapacitated or dead.
58gambling
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 603
Joined: Fri Jul 24, 2015 8:01 pm
Local time: Thu Sep 20, 2018 5:48 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Some things are as bad or worse than gambling

Postby Notlookingback » Tue Sep 18, 2018 12:20 pm

Blue Green Lake I hope I didn't minimize you health issues. It must be very serious.
Notlookingback
Consumer 2
Consumer 2
 
Posts: 42
Joined: Mon Nov 09, 2015 5:32 pm
Local time: Thu Sep 20, 2018 7:48 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Some things are as bad or worse than gambling

Postby blue_green_lake » Tue Sep 18, 2018 5:27 pm

Fund Manager wrote:Highly recommend you PROACTIVELY deal with the situation rather than end up in the ER again. Perhaps re-evaluate your career/life goals as well. Is a PhD absolutely necessary for your future? Can you secure good employment with your current credentials? There is a steep learning curve for many professions---medical, legal, accounting, finance, etc.---and only you can decide if the long-term rewards are worth your time, effort, and stress. Best of luck OP! :D

Fund Manager: Thank you for your regards and the wish of luck! btw, I am not at York, rather another comprehensive university. In my field, a PhD is almost required to get a good job afterward. I already have an MA though, so I could probably still teach at a community college if I don't complete here. This program is run by unthoughtful people, who make us jump through hoops and trials that they themselves have never had. It makes the experience far more brutal than the typical PhD in my discipline. I am mulling over the below:

58gambling wrote:BGL: Someone once told me that stress can kill you faster than a lot of diseases or health problems.
With that in mind, I would strongly suggest you extricate yourself from that situation which is causing this, which has put you in the hospital. You say you are limited in your situation as far as options for your goals, but I believe that is only in your mind. There must be thousands of options out there; you just don't know about them or exposed yourself to them. Remember, health always comes first; without it, nothing else matters, not money, not position, not anything else.... if you are incapacitated or dead.

58gambling -- Your comments are very helpful. I need to really take stock of what is important. I am no good for anyone if I am incapacitated or dead. You are right that I am perhaps viewing my options too narrowly. I know that part of my hesitancy to leave this program is that I want to stay in Canada and I do not have Permanent Residency yet. A PhD would help that. But health does come first. I am on the verge of asking for a leave of absence, at minimum. This process is fraught with horrible injustices, and I want to fight them, but I don't even have the strength to stand up for myself and the other students, though at times I have tried. I also worry "what will other people think" if I don't progress in my degree, but I know that I cannot be beholden to the opinions of people in higher up positions who don't know my true situation. I think that at this point, my first priority should be to extricate myself from the harmfulness. Thank you for helping me to clarify this situation to myself.

Notlookingback wrote:Blue Green Lake I hope I didn't minimize you health issues. It must be very serious.


Thank you for your words, NLB. Re: prior post, no problem. Yes, it is serious right now for me.
blue_green_lake
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1237
Joined: Thu Jun 14, 2012 4:44 am
Local time: Thu Sep 20, 2018 9:48 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Some things are as bad or worse than gambling

Postby RicardoG » Wed Sep 19, 2018 8:27 am

Hi blue_green_lake,

I have been there before too. Doing my masters before.
Sounds like you have been stressing out yourself to the max.

Maybe you should rethink what you are doing currently...is it really worth risking your life for it.
RicardoG
Consumer 3
Consumer 3
 
Posts: 62
Joined: Fri Jul 07, 2017 9:34 am
Local time: Fri Sep 21, 2018 9:48 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


Return to Gambling Addiction Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 24 guests