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$55k Gambling Debt in 3 Months

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Re: $55k Gambling Debt in 3 Months

Postby sportsguy86 » Thu Mar 29, 2018 4:15 pm

to the OP. SELF EXCLUDE from casinos, focus on your job and your budget for the next year. Gambling effects dopamine so you need to abstain for a while to get your brain to calm down. Then just knock away at your debt, and once you start gaining momentum with no gambling and reducing your debt, mentally it gets much easier and you will get past this faster than you think. Youre in a manageable situation now but will get unmanageable if you don't take action now.
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Re: $55k Gambling Debt in 3 Months

Postby kwarden13 » Tue Jul 10, 2018 6:08 pm

Update: So the money part is proving the easiest to get through. I am down to $29k in debt. However, my fiance does is now saying she does not want to get married because her trust is broken from all the lying. My gambling only last 6 months and I self-excluded from all casinos. I feel so broken right now and wish I could erase this period from my life. This is the only time I have messed up and it just feels awful to have hurt someone so much in that short amount of time.
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Re: $55k Gambling Debt in 3 Months

Postby Aries411 » Wed Jul 11, 2018 11:12 am

Yeah, the money is the easiest part (hard to believe), but rebuilding the trust, changing the way we think and re-establishing the connection becomes the hardest part.
Trust with your finance may take a lot of time and perhaps never come. My wife found out about my problem 6 years ago and since then I had two relapses. My last bet was over two years ago and we have also gone through 12 sessions of couples therapy. The trust is still not there... I may have gotten 10 percent back. I know that it will never be the same as it was and that she is also on her own path of recovery. Many say that time heals all wounds, but some wounds never close... Here are some things that I found that helped rebuild some of that
- be totally accountable with money. Keep every receipt and tell her what you spend your money on
- Show that you are willing to change and tell her the things you are doing (I use a blog that I update every week).
- Print out the consumer report each year to that she know you aren't taking on more loans
- Therapy was very useful. Probably without it, I wouldn't have gotten 10% back.. more like 2%
- Help her try to understand the addiction. It could have happened to anyone under the right circumstances. Many blame the gambler 100%. I think its mostly 50% us and 50% the circumstance.

Don't get too down on how she feels. She is on her own path and it will be slow. We have no control over it and all we can do is change ourselves and hope they see it.
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Re: $55k Gambling Debt in 3 Months

Postby kwarden13 » Wed Jul 11, 2018 7:08 pm

I just don't know how to go back to feeling normal. I feel I am on an emotional roller coaster and it is not good for me or my fiance. I will be happy for a few days/weeks and then get depressed thinking about what I have done.

Also, since not gambling, I have been hyper focused on my relationship which is creating issues. I just feel so lost in life right now and am trying so hard. I have a good job, go to crossfit in the afternoons, and try to stay occupied. But don't have many friends and I feel I am driving my fiance away. It is awful. She doesn't trust me and I am responsible for that. It just sucks knowing that I caused this pain in my life.
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Re: $55k Gambling Debt in 3 Months

Postby housealwayswins » Thu Jul 12, 2018 3:31 am

Don't try so hard. Give your fiance space. The past is gone. Let things be. The more you try to fix it, the more intense focus you put on it and the more things strain. Relax. You're on the right track, time fixes things.

Do not over do anything.

-- Thu Jul 12, 2018 11:33 am --

Don't even discuss marriage either. Only control what you can control and even then, do NOT over control things. Should your fiance want to walk, so be it. You can't control them or the way they feel nor should you want to.

Look after yourself in a safe and healthy fashion.
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Re: $55k Gambling Debt in 3 Months

Postby NewSunRising » Thu Jul 12, 2018 1:19 pm

Recovery is a process , Kwarden . It would be great if life just returned to normal after we stopped gambling but it doesn't work that way for most of us . I was well over a year into recovery before I learned how to forgive myself for what I deemed " my incredible stupidity " .

It's just not that simple . The mood swings , the self-recrimination , the urges that come out of nowhere after being gone for weeks or months - it's all part of the process . One day at a time isn't just a saying , it's the reality . Be patient with your fiancé and most importantly , with yourself . You're doing everything right and you're committed to never gambling again . Let that be enough for now .

Normality will come again but it will always be tempered by the fact that we were once controlled by an addiction and could very easily be again if we get complacent . You'll get through this .
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Re: $55k Gambling Debt in 3 Months

Postby sorin » Mon Aug 20, 2018 9:47 pm

hey guys! It took a long time for me to accept that I am addicted to gamble.. It all start many years ago with loses of 10-20$ in a time when that kind of money was a lot for me.. after I finished the navy academy and start working onboard the comercial ships was the moment when the real income start to appear. I'm 29 years old and I am sailing from 2013.. after my first contract of 5 months I came home with 15k $ and lost all of it in 2 months on playing online poker.. it was hard but I accepted that all that hard work was for nothing and in 3 months I was back onboard.. it is 2018.. I think you all understand what I was doing all this time.. going and working hard(i will not make you bored with what means hard work,just let say 4-5 hours sleep during 24 hours every day 5 months :D ).. this summer I had a 2 years break from any gambling.. and I was thinking that I am clean :) I tried few dolars on casino online and in 40 min I lost 20k.. all my savings.. I had to tell to my girl because we plan the wedding for autumn and there is no more money for that.. now she is insisting to go and visit a psychoterapist.. is very hard to accept that I am in such a big $#%^ after I was realy thinking that I am ok.. sorry for my english!
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Re: $55k Gambling Debt in 3 Months

Postby betterchange » Fri Aug 24, 2018 9:07 am

Hi Sorin,

That sounds like some pretty rapid losses there for sure! I hope you can get some help with your gambling as it does sound a big problem and out of control. I presume, as you mention poker online, you were using much too high stakes and couldn't control your losing? That does sound a problem that you need to completely avoid any playing if it does that to you each time. I hope you can get help and great that you've told your girlfriend too - I wish I'd been that brave a long time ago.

All the best with getting some help.
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