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Re: Post Number Of Days Gamble Free

Postby NewSunRising » Wed Aug 24, 2022 12:37 pm

You didn't disappoint me RicardoG . In fact , as Aries said , it takes a great deal of courage to own up to a relapse and I'm proud of you for taking that step and coming back for support .

We all know the pain and humiliation of a relapse . Most of us have gone through it many times in our recovery journey and it never gets any easier to deal with or admit to .

RicardoG wrote:Thinking how my situation would be if I had only stopped when I had achieved my gambling target yesterday. I guess I wouldn't be here and would still be having a go at it, although I made a promise to myself that I would quit after achieving that target.


Ricardo , this is your addiction talking . These thoughts are intended to reinforce the idea that if you only followed your self-imposed "rules" then you could still gamble . It's the same addicted thinking that is behind your statement from your other thread :

No point of me installing software block or asking the site to close my account. They just won't do it.
It doesn't work for me.


I respectfully disagree . Anything you can do to block your access to gambling will help you immensely .

One of the biggest roadblocks I put into place was cutting up my credit card . The day I did it , my brain was bombarded by "reasons" why it was a huge mistake . My anxiety spiked so bad at the thought of doing it that my hands were shaking and I was on the verge of tears . I don't know how long I sat there with the scissors and card in my hands but it was at least 30 minutes of mental warfare with my addicted brain. Finally , I just closed my eyes and cut the card in two . As soon as the pieces dropped to the table I felt three emotions flood my mind : Horror , panic and massive relief .

It was that last emotion that stayed with me . It felt like a two ton weight had been lifted from my shoulders . And all those " reasons " why cutting up my card would be disastrous ? Never happened . The only thing that act accomplished was to put a wall between my and my means to gamble .

You can do this RicardG and we're here for you .
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Re: Post Number Of Days Gamble Free

Postby RicardoG » Wed Aug 24, 2022 8:00 pm

What you said was true indeed NSR.
The addiction was still strong. I was totally duped into the belief that I could recover some.
Instead it just got me deeper.

It was only after losing again, I realised that chasing losses is quite a stupid thing to do.
I was deeply disappointed that I had acted foolish again. WHEN WILL I LEARN MY LESSON.

I took further measures to make it more difficult for me to reload into my account (they won't close my account).

I can't seem to share about things to anyone in real life except here.

-- Thu Aug 25, 2022 4:09 am --

I can't describe the insanity level which I have.
I feel the bottom at this present time, it is almost same as when I have an misunderstanding with my spouse, just that my finances are also affected badly.
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Re: Post Number Of Days Gamble Free

Postby NewSunRising » Thu Aug 25, 2022 12:03 pm

It's a brutal disease Ricardo . Getting free from the compulsion to gamble is a long and difficult process simply because the addiction fights us every step of the way . It argues , it promises , it bargains . But it's all a lie .

My addiction convinced me that I loved to gamble , it was my escape time from stress , it was fun .

The reality was that I hated gambling because it was ruining my life . Any stress that I escaped from came back 100 times worse because I was broke and in debt after every gambling binge . No matter what I won , I compulsively kept gambling until every penny was gone . How was that supposed to be " fun " ?

Time and time again , I vowed that " This time will be different . " as I sunk myself deeper and deeper into a black hole of debt , stress and depression . At my worst moments , I knew I was killing myself and I didn't care . I almost gave up . I almost resigned myself to gambling until I had nothing left to live on and nothing left to live for and once I reached that rock bottom, I would just end it all .

But some spark of survival still lived . Some small voice of hope and sanity told me to fight for my life and my freedom . Then I joined this forum because , like you , I had no one to talk to about this . It was my horrible , shameful secret .

It helped a lot to just write about it and this wonderful community told me I was not alone . I was not a weak , stupid person . I was worthy of a good and happy life . I deserved to be free from this disease .
They told me it is possible to be free of gambling addiction and to stay free of it . All I had to do was never give up the fight , no matter how many times I fell .

I'm saying all of these things to you now . I believe you can beat this addiction . I know it won't be easy .
But I know you can do it . I want you to know you can do it . We only get one life , Ricardo . Don't put yours in the hands of a destructive compulsion . You deserve better than that .

Battle on , my friend . We're here for you .
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Re: Post Number Of Days Gamble Free

Postby RicardoG » Sat Aug 27, 2022 3:26 pm

I can relate to all everything you have mentioned here NSR.
It was horrible what I felt on Tuesday and Wednesday. I guess I was truly disappointed with myself because it was only me who is responsible for me.
I reflected back on the first time I started buy lottery ticket at a young age, back when I was still in high school.
How time and time again I get sucked it into this. In reality, I'm truly fed up of putting myself into this cycle over and over again.
I had not done drugs in my life and I never plan to even try. I wish I could say the same for gambling.
So now, I must remember these awful and horrible experience of gambling and never forget it should that temptation or voices of lies come again to my head.

On the bright side, it is day 3 of GF.
I feel way much better, focusing on my usual daily activities and appreciating the peace of mind of not thinking of gambling.

I will spend some time next week with a post mortem to understand why did I really get back into it and I need to work out a plan to prevent any recurrence of this.
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Re: Post Number Of Days Gamble Free

Postby yahoocoau » Sun Sep 11, 2022 10:57 pm

Hi All

Quick update from me, I am 1226 days gambling free today :)

Almost 3 year and 3 months.

Good luck to all.

Thanks
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Re: Post Number Of Days Gamble Free

Postby NewSunRising » Mon Sep 12, 2022 10:12 am

WOOT !! What an awesome update Yahoocoau !

I'm so proud of you - this will keep me smiling all day long . Thank you for letting us know how you're doing . Posts like yours are an invaluable source of inspiration to others .

I can't wait until your 4 year milestone . :mrgreen:
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Re: Post Number Of Days Gamble Free

Postby Cantdoitalone » Thu Sep 22, 2022 3:25 am

Hi all, hope everyone is finding a little joy in their day. I am just checking in to say I have been GF for 936 days. It's been a long road, but a positive one. I have had some thoughts occasionally, but don't miss the path it takes you on. Keep on, keepin' on one day at a time!
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Re: Post Number Of Days Gamble Free

Postby NewSunRising » Sun Sep 25, 2022 1:14 pm

Awesome update Cantdoitalone !

Sorry for the late response , I've been away for a bit but your post absolutely made my day . :mrgreen:

Thank you for sharing that . It's been pretty quiet on the forum lately and seeing old friends come around with news like yours brings more than a little bit of joy to our day .
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Re: Post Number Of Days Gamble Free

Postby RicardoG » Mon Sep 26, 2022 5:26 am

That's great Cantdoitalone. Awesome.

With you posting that number of days of GF, it kinda like motivates me.
I hope someday I will post that figure too.

Day 33 of GF.
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Re: Post Number Of Days Gamble Free

Postby Cantdoitalone » Wed Sep 28, 2022 2:16 am

Thank you for your replies NSR & Ricardo ...
@NSR I visited the forum, and you are so very right that the forum has become so much quieter, but I must say I am so happy and grateful that you are still a support network for the people here. You have always been an inspiration to me and I value your words of encouragement! You could honestly write a book on this addiction, and the path that brought you to your successes and freedoms.
@ Ricardo, I certainly understand what you mean by the inspiration that comes from others' GF days. I myself have started day ones again and again, wishing that I could abstain for periods others have. Don't discount your 33 days, my friend. Those are 33 successful days of battling a true addiction. I would make an educated guess that those 33 days brought you a better sleep and a little more pep in your step! Keep going. Each day leads to another, and for me, being GF is my only solution. I am terrified of starting over. I can live, eat and breath without it. It really only caused my family and I heartache, money problems and self hate! I prefer this path. Keep going, one moment at a time!
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