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A connection?

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A connection?

Postby incognitoUS » Mon Jun 15, 2020 10:05 pm

I have been mulling over whether or not there is a connection between these situations/issues. Today it finally came to me to Google the situation and see if I could find anything. So that is what has brought me here today. I struggled with whether to post this in this particular forum or one of the sexual abuse ones. As I do not feel as though I experienced abuse with my particular situation, I opted for this forum. Please, if it is improper here, let me know and I will move or remove it to the appropriate forum.

I have been overweight the majority of my life. Apparently I was of a relatively normal weight until sometime in elementary school. A comment made by a family member has always left me curious (and it is someone I fully trust, so please do not read into it as more than an offhanded comment). I had asked if I was overweight as a little kid. They said no you were a normal weight when you were little, but, "sometime in elementary school, we don't know what happened, but you just seemed to start gaining weight." Hmmm.

When I was "young" - I'm not sure what age, I don't recall - I in my parents' bedroom snooping in a drawer containing belongings of my older brother who was active military. Most of the contents was rather boring; however, there was a cheap looking paperback book that caught my interest. I still remember the name and what the cover looked like. Campus Pussy. As a voracious reader even then, I naturally had to check it out. I am confident that I need not expand on the subject matter and the fact that my body had natural (female) reactions. To my knowledge, no one ever knew I had found that book, despite the fact that I marked every page where an explicit encounter took place.

Earlier this year, I caught a portion of an interview of none other than Kanye West wherein he spoke of being exposed to pornography as a child - that there were images and magazines around their home that he would see. He went on to talk about how that impacted him as an adult with his sex addition issues, and I would suspect, other addictive behaviors we know nothing about.

Something with his interview got me thinking. COULD THERE BE a correlation or connection between my reading that very age inappropriate "novel" and my basically life long weight issues? I know often times sexual abuse and rape victims gain weight as a cloak to hide themselves and their bodies. Otherwise I have a very normal, productive life. Educated, professional job, various relationships, etc. Until Kanye's interview, it never crossed my mind that even reading that type of material as a child could have a negative impact.

I have been on every diet and program under the sun. I have had successes. I have never been able to maintain the weight loss, but I believe some of the blame lies in the dated methods used in the 1980's-early 2000's. Additionally, my mother was an alcoholic all of my life.


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Re: A connection?

Postby Johnny-Jack » Tue Jun 16, 2020 12:44 pm

This is a perfectly reasonable place for your post. If you're not already doing so, I'd suggest seeking out a good therapist to work with you. Your post sounds very well thought out, it's clear that your weight is causing you distress, and you're looking for answers. In addition, it sounds like you know something is off -- and the family member's comments seems to support that.

Do you have any recollection about when, how or why you began to gain weight in childhood? Do you remember how old you were, other people's comments at the time, how you felt? It would seem quite strange if you didn't.

I was really struck by your last sentence. You added that in an offhand way and to me, your mother being an alcoholic would be incredibly unlikely not to create significant psychology issues for you, issues which should benefit from psychotherapy. Children of alcoholics have a higher number of challenges than children of non-alcoholics. I wish you the best in your quest and your healing. Whatever has happened to date, you sound like you have the natural strength to tackle this.
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