[ First of all, sorry for my english. It's actually my third language. I hope this is understandable. ]
So, I have severe ocd. I have obsessed about all kinds of sexual thoughts, namely the fear that I am a pedophile, or that I enjoy rape, incest, underage girls... everything.
Nothing turned out to be true.
Now, I worry I might like bestiality. Not as a "real" fetish, seeing as I would never want to act that in real life, but as a "fantasy", I guess.
I'm 17, female, and I admit I have seeked out bestiality stories in the past, just once or twice. But almost never as a first choice. I honestly didn't think much of it at the time. (I thought it was an harmless fantasy...)
But this, I know for sure: I was never attracted to the animal in those stories. I almost didn't even notice the animal. I only liked them because of the vulgar language and I only looked at the women.
The animal was just a "sex toy". I never ever even thought of having sex with an animal! It feels so disgusting even now.
I mostly read about horses because of the sizes of their genitals, and about dogs because I liked the humping, I guess? But I like those things in normal porn, too.
Now, I checked with a story about a woman and a dog. It was kind of arousing, because of the "taboo" and the sex being "wild"... but when I thought about the dog, I couldn't go on.
I got disgusted. I didn't want to go on.
I just really like animals. I couldn't think about them that way. I don't want to.
I really don't want to seek out those stories again. Even if they were kind of arousing I can't get over the fact that there was a dog involved. I'm so scared I might actually start liking having fantasies about dogs... I'm scared I might be in denial, too.
So, what do you guys think? Is this a fetish, a fantasy or something else? How can I get rid of this? I sure as hell don't want this, it's disgusting and i feel so guilty and i'm sure i don't actually like animals.
btw, feel free to move this to the ocd forums if it seems more appropriate... i don't even know anymore.