Thank God for the internet and this forum.
In the past three or four weeks, I've digested volumes on the subject of Delusional Disorder, but by chance, I found this board and read a number of the posts.
At first, I thought my wife's insistence that she smelled foul odors was due to her sinuses infections and allergies. I have the same problems and can attest to smelling odors that's really inside your head. Even when she swore that she was giving off offensive odors from various body parts, which I would dutifully sniff up close and personal, I tried to convince her that all was well and it had to be her sinuses.
When she started accusing me of having sex with every woman we knew, including all of her relatives (living and dead), i thought it was due to her jealousies and insecurities.
When she got sick the day after eating something I'd cooked and swore that I poisoned her the day before, I learned two phrases not to use: "It's all in your head." and "Calm down." These became some type of battle cry that incited her anger like I'd never seen before.
When she began confronting women about having affairs with me and confronting other people about spying on her, I began gently ushering her to a psychologist. That was out of the question, since nothing was wrong with her. The problem was me. I was just lying on her. I lied all of the time. I was the son of Satan and God would punish me and my evil cohorts. I told her she was right and I needed help. I asked her accompany me... to keep me from lying to the doctor. She agreed.
During the first session, I asked how to I convince my wife that she did not have a foul odor to be self-conscious about. She interrupted with a lengthy explanation. The doctor didn't get it and seemed a bit confused about our disagreement about body odors. He said if anyone would know my wife's body, it would be her.
Three sessions later, I asked the doctor to please help me to stop spying and conspiring with others to spy on her and to destroy her. She took the bait and jumped right in. As she laid her unreasonable suspicions on the line, as facts, she even explained how I was the son of Satan and she was the daughter of God. Eureka! He got it. He began questioning her and I slowly saw the mask of anger cloud over her face. She fell silent and glared at him as she had done at me for so many times. She asked why was he questioning her? I was the sick one! True to form, she accused him of being on my side. When he told her that he suspected that she should get evaluated for “Delusional Disorder”, the proverbial spit hit the fan. She raged in an suspicious anger that she usually reserved for only I. He should have felt honored. She called him a know-nothing quack and stormed out of his office. Of course, when I got to the car, its was hell to pay. I was setting her up. I got a doctor that was part of the conspiracy against her.
By the way, that was the first that I can recall hearing the term “Delusional Disorder”.
When the family counselor recently told me that experts seem to be convinced that Delusional Disorder is biological, I find myself in agreement. As I think back over the past thirty years with my Lady Love, I can recall subtle cues and sporadic episodes that flared and faded away. I can remember so many conclusions jumped, so many lines read-between and so many false accusations directed. It goes back before we met, as I can remember the history of her not getting along with certain co-workers and neighbors.
However, we were peas and carrots, George and Louise Jefferson, Ricky and Lucy Ricardo (sp), the sun and the moon, the sea and the wind. We were a match. We were the gloves that fit each others hearts perfectly. Unfortunately, this perfect union became stained with so many accusations of infidelity, which I unwisely dismissed as simple jealousies gone awry. Somewhere along the line, these accusations became I, along with a host of co-conspirators, was trying to poison and otherwise destroy her.
Months ago, she'd disappear. It was always to someone who'd been convinced that they were giving shelter to a woman in danger. Never did it take long for them to realize that what they were dealing with was a woman in trouble, and they would always somehow get in touch with us, her family. During her absences, not only did she pay for transportation to her flight to sanctuary, but hotel rooms and payment to people in advance to drive a rental truck and pull her car on a trailer to relatives six states away. I found this out one day when a frail old lady, who'd never driven a truck of any size, nor pulled a trailer, showed up to do the job that she'd been paid in advance to do. Rather than have my wife risk life and limb, to escape her imagined dangers, I got her safely to her relatives, while I bargained with her to get evaluated and treated. Its become clear that there's nothing I can do, legally, to force her to get treated.
Of course, her previous attempts from her imagined enemies, didn't come cheaply. To finance these attempts, she devastated our lifelong savings and maxed out every credit card we have. So, I have our house on the market, it hopes that it sells before I'm forced into bankruptcy and/or foreclosure. Still, that doesn't really matters.
What matters is that I get the woman that I've loved and been loved by for thirty years back... whole. With what the family counselor is telling me, there's only a seven percent chance of that happening. As my Lady Love will most likely harbor the delusions that our children, friends, neighbors and I are out to destroy her.
Please, somebody tap me on the shoulder and whisper into my ears that it's all a lie. Please tell me that this hellish nightmare will end and I'll have my Lady Love back... whole. Please...