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Spouse with Delusional Disorder

Forum for significant others, family and friends of people with mental illness to discuss relevant issues they face.
Forum rules
This is a support forum for the family, partners and friends of those with mental health issues. This forum is intended to be a safe place to discuss information, give and receive support and learn about all the issues related to being involved with a person with a disorder. Whilst it can be healthy to express various emotions, please remember to be respectful about the disorder itself. This is a place for constructive discussions, not a venting forum.

The issues experienced by the significant others of those with disorders cannot always be discussed in the other parts of the site in a way that does not trigger those with disorders. Moderators may therefore move threads from other forums into this one at their discretion.

Re: Spouse with Delusional Disorder

Postby badrollercoaster » Tue Mar 17, 2020 2:18 am

I'm really sorry Jemma. I stayed until she divorced me in September last year. I kept hoping against hope that she'd someday get help. And it never happened. Her parents also didn't help. Which I sort of resented and yet kind of understood at the same time. Bottom line is they need mental help and you or i or their parents can't make them get it. You gave it your all and stayed as long as possible. For that you deserve a lot of credit.
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Re: Spouse with Delusional Disorder

Postby Stronger » Tue Sep 21, 2021 3:39 pm

I have been reading all the posts with great compassion and understanding. I also have a spouse with DD. I escaped that marriage (been in a divorce case for over 3 years now with three kids and temporarily have had full custody of the kids for over two years now). I understand how hard it is to leave your spouse. I only left mine after she started calling the police on me for no reason. I have been in therapy for almost 4 years now and have gained a lot of perspective that I would like to share with those on this thread who are struggling with a spouse with DD.

The painful truth is that you are just as unwell as your spouse. If you were healthy, you would not have trouble leaving your spouse. The thought that you "have to make the marriage work" is just as irrational as your spouse's delusions. (Where is the proof that you have to make it work? Is there any law of physics that requires this, like the law of gravity requires a ball to fall to the floor?) Ask any good therapist and they will tell you that healthy partners do not pick unhealthy partners. It just doesn't work that way. By focusing all of your attention on what is "wrong" with your DD spouse, you hide from yourself the painful fact that there is something "wrong" with you.

So what is wrong with you that makes you believe that you "have to make the marriage work"? It could be many things, but from my perspective it is a lack of self-love and self-value. The longer you stay with an abusive spouse (yes DD spouses are incredibly abusive), the more damaged you will become and the less self-love you will have.

It is never too late to start over. What you need to do is very simple. Very hard, but very simple. Get a good therapist and do exactly what they tell you to do. Period. They know how to help you navigate from where you are to a place where you will be safe and you will be loved, by you! No matter what you think (or tell yourself), you cannot actually love your DD spouse because a person who does not love self, cannot love others.

I hope at least one person out there finds this helpful. Do not worry. There is an amazing world out there for you. There is incredible, deep and abiding happiness (and even better, acceptance) out there waiting for you. Take courage (heart) and start moving toward self-love. You have to love yourself at least as much (if not more) than you love others. Anything else is a state of mental unwell. Peace and love.
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Re: Spouse with Delusional Disorder

Postby imena » Tue Oct 12, 2021 11:58 pm

Dear all,

Thank you for sharing your stories </3

My spouse heard voices twice but he said that he is certain that they are not from his head. I began photographing hourly for him. Today he first requested video call then just a video, unfortunately my file didn't go through until I got home, but it was still time-stamped. NOTHING is enough, he refused to tell me what happened except that "time will tell", and threatened to leave again.

He believes in conspiracy theories, but his idea of solution is to kill all the bad guys :|

He also thinks that someone is messing with him in this building, which, in all likelihood, can be true. Honestly, I just think he is easily triggered, but as a scientific person, I cannot rule out what has not been disproven. When I was considering the possibility of "recording", this seemed like a likely hypothesis that would explain multiple things. He is also legally involved with someone else, and that person can, for all intents and purposes, have connections in this neighbourhood. Last but not least, he thinks someone in this building plays the same game that he does is involved, and showed me the same "bass" (supposedly game background music) from outside. I heard something, but I am not great with listening, so it is hard for me to discern one way or the other.

With his other conditions, I thought he was being abusive before, I now realized that he is traumatized with little coping skills.

He threatens to kill me and the adulterer if he catches me---which is never going to happen as that person isn't me. I can't talk to anyone without them thinking that this is abusive or he is worried that they will take away his guns. (I think his solution is to vow to kill us without guns... does that really make a difference to the professionals/ gun agency?) I do support gun rights.

He does not like medications in general due to their side effects. He finally plans to see a psychotherapist (for depression?) but he does not plan to address this. I am not sure how car accident insurance works.

In addition to sharing the commitment to the vow, I also believe in miracles.

I sobbed the entire afternoon reading your posts, pitying myself, I guess.

A part of me almost wish that someone IS messing with him, or this is all a spiritual attack. While I pray that he will never suffer severer forms of delusions, I also pray that I will have your strength and grace to hold onto him and our marriage.

I have spent the last two years of counselling on how to cope with him, this week I will spend my last sessions on something else. There are two more marital/ relational resources I plan to access.

I wonder if support groups will take me when he doesn't have a diagnosis.
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Re: Spouse with Delusional Disorder

Postby myusername77 » Tue Apr 05, 2022 4:04 pm

I am happy to have found this thread.

I can finally understand what is wrong with my wife.

I had alot of stuff typed up but it disappeared because I am new here and took too long to post so it time me out.

Maybe I will come back here and type more.
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