Our partner

12 years later..

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12 years later..

Postby intuitivebish » Fri Mar 19, 2021 8:50 pm

I recently found out that my husband has a sex addiction. He has been visiting prostitutes and parlours for the last 4 years. He has given me a full disclosure, and is attending therapy, as well as SAA meetings. he has completely cut out sexual temptation out of his life, including porn.
Im struggling though. We have been together for so long, and he's always treated me so well. He was my best friend. and now all these images are flooding my mind. He assures me that he is completely repulsed by what he has done and has no more urges to even watch porn. He says there is no chance he will ever relapse, but I think its ridiculous to say that when he betrayed me on such a big level. he says he feels as though he has gone through major trauma with this crisis, and says a mirror has been put right in front of him showing him how misaligned his values were with what he was doing.
I see all the efforts he is putting in, he confessed to our families, and has set everything aside in his life to make it his full time job to give me reassurance. Access to all his stuff, bank account, phone, location, emails, you name it.
I have some good days, and then the bad days just completely devastate me. I worry about the future, but I am also stuck in the past

any partners of sex addicts on here that have any positive or negative stories to share with me?
I'm just exhausting all my resources.

is it really possible to recover? is it really possible to rewire your brain to completely not want it and truly be pure?
Last edited by Snaga on Fri Mar 19, 2021 11:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: moved to SOFF with link left in original forum, no edits
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Re: 12 years later..

Postby Snaga » Sat Mar 20, 2021 12:07 am

Hello, and welcome to the forums!

Technically, one forum per topic- however I've moved this to Significant Others, with a little mod cheat- a shadow link left in Sexual Addiction. This will give you a little more exposure.

It sounds as if he really means it, to give you unfettered access to everything- hoping that he continues to deal honestly with you.
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Re: 12 years later..

Postby intuitivebish » Tue Mar 23, 2021 2:22 am

thanks for you reply

do you have any rays of light to shine about any positive recovery stories?
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Re: 12 years later..

Postby Snaga » Tue Mar 23, 2021 4:37 am

Me personally? No, except that I've had minor addictive behaviors in the past, and when the want-to is enough, people can stop doing what they're doing. But you have to have the want-to, that's for sure.

He's going to therapy, and SAA meetings, but what about you? A casual glance at SAA didn't say anything about partners of sex addicts, but there's an organisation called S-Anon, which seems to be for the partners of addicts. Have you looked into a support group for yourself? I see S-Anon has a map with a lot of pins, particularly on North America, if you happen to share the same continent as I.

Might be something to consider.

Hopefully someone else will chime in on this.
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Tell someone you love them today, for Life is short. But scream it at them in Klingon, for Life is also terrifying and confusing.

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Re: 12 years later..

Postby ThinkB4Posting » Sun May 09, 2021 12:00 pm

The anonymous Programs DO WORK. I am an Alcoholic, I attend AA meetings on the regular and have helped me stay clean/sober for a year. There's no doubt in my mind that SAA will work for him (your Husband) as well.

They may be 2 different programs but the goal is the same and the step work is very similar. The support is the same. Our Beliefs are the same.

There was a reason for your husband doing what he was doing and he may not even know what that reason is. I'm sure some day it will click though, he will realize why. Then he will talk about it with his sponsor. Yes, im certain your husband has a sponsor in this. Just so you dont get worried, a female can not sponsor a male and a male cannot sponsor a female. so please dont worry about that.

But anyways, I figured I'd shine some real light on the subject and the issue. Also if your husband went through the lengths that he did. Admitting to the family and everyone of his addiction and his problems. That takes a huge amount of courage. I dont think you realize how much guilt, shame and remorse he felt when he was going through this phase.

You should be proud of your husband, he needs your support. Now more than ever. Don't give up on him. He obviously loves you and doesn't want to lose you.
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Re: 12 years later..

Postby intuitivebish » Mon May 10, 2021 3:26 pm

@thinkB4Posting thank you so much <3 I so appreciate you taking the time to get back to me on my post. Sharing a caring word with someone suffering is intensely heart warming.
I hope that you stay strong on your journey, and continue living the life that you dream of
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