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Coping with NPD boss

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Coping with NPD boss

Postby ClusterBS83 » Tue Mar 02, 2021 3:20 pm

Have been at the job 3 years. I noticed the NPD on my first day. I would have bailed then because I was just crawling out of a full year of depression due to an NPD relationship, but I had assurances by family and friends that this was not the norm. There are family ties that make leaving difficult if not impossible. By the end of year 2 I realized the negatives officially were equal to the positives and no longer was outcome dependent, which actually made the job pretty pleasant honestly. I just shrugged sh1t off.

just prior to covid, I had a few conversations with my boss where I got the distinct impression that I was being devalued. basically we would have these bizarre conversations where some non falsifiable and completely unfounded conclusion was presented to me and I was lured into circular arguments trying to defend myself. This was somewhat different than the behavior prior to this moment, which I would say is more akin to classic narcissist rage cycles but then reconciliation. Suddenly I felt like things were moving in a negative direction, like my professional judgment was no longer respected.

However, during Covid the abuse became unmanageable. I have had two panic attacks AKA fight or flight triggering episodes. I think that work becomes a completely predominant part of your consciousness when our hobbies are no longer accessible and so work stress is much more difficult to cope with or rationalize. The workload increased significantly. The compulsion to drink or do drugs is almost unbearable due to dreading some sadistic phone call or text. There isnt much else to do, I can't go to the gym bc they are closed, and activity like that is frowned upon by older members of the company(to save their own skin of course). It became clear that the excess drinking, rapid aging, body going to sh!t, anxiety and legitimate panic attacks meant I needed to develop new coping skills or else leave. I am not willing to take psychotropic drugs that would be completely unnecessary if not for this job just to survive the job. However, ideally I would learn to manage things rather than leave, if that is an option. I am at the triangulation stage where the Narc is pitting me against others in the firm, too. I am not trying to test the job market during Covid, that's for sure, but I need to find a way to cope or else it will be inevitable.

one thing that's really interesting is that there is barely any turnover at this business. in my time here I have seen someone devalued and discarded but overall it seems like a lot of people have been able to survive and somewhat thrive in this environment. Perhaps they have just been conditioned at this point to accept behavior that is not normal and they know it is not normal too because everyone has their own stories about the treatment. Cleveland cavity of the employees here used to be something I took comfort in but I'm starting to wonder if I'm not dealing with a bunch of very conditioned flying monkeys.

I used to frequent these forums when I was in a cluster b dating relationship previously and I did feel a tremendous sense of calm just coming here and reading similar stories, so maybe I should keep that up.
Last edited by Snaga on Tue Mar 02, 2021 9:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: moved to SOFF, no edits
ClusterBS83
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