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Family implosion

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Family implosion

Postby sarahwpen » Wed Sep 09, 2020 8:40 pm

I know this is a bad year for everyone. I’ve tried to not complain too much because I know there are a lot of people out there who have it worse than me. But I am having a bad year. A very bad year. And it’s starting to really wear on me. I’m having a hard time looking for the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m wondering if I have just always lived underground and daylight was a dream. Metaphorically speaking.

In January, a good friend died. In March the pandemic hit. Then the house we were supposed to be buying fell through, and with it, my divorce plans. Then my cousin’s infant died. Then my grandmother died. Then my mom (NPD) did this thing that really kinda hurt my feelings and made me feel really discarded. Then my parents got a divorce. My dad is really weird about the whole thing. They both are really. It put a strain on my relationship with my oldest brother who is the closest of my siblings. This week I was sick for 3 days, blew a transmission seal, had to call my awkward dad (He has mental health issues but the jury is still out. Definitely bipolar, maybe adhd,maybe more) for help and listen to his gross stories, then I found out my younger brother (sociopath, and addiction issues) got arrested again and is probably going to prison for several years. My teenage kids are very upset about their uncle going to prison, and my son (also bipolar and adhd) is being incredibly resentful towards ME for not being more supportive??? Or accepting???? Of my sociopathic brother. I have tried to explain to son that brother is not always as nice as he seems but brother has been quite the manipulative person and seems to have convinced my son that brother is a victim of circumstance when he is in fact, very irresponsible and believes rules are for other people. This has caused me no small amount of distress and confusion.

My older brother (who suffers from anxiety and has a history or trauma) has befriended a family who he has become incredibly enmeshed with. My older brother has called me to vent about this family on multiple occasions over the last year. Through these conversations I have learned that this family he is enmeshed with is quite dysfunctional, and involves several types of abusive dynamics. My brother seems to have developed a hero complex of sorts and wants to keep in contact for the sake of the kids in this family, but I not sure I can support that decision unless he takes some steps to set boundaries and stop enabling their disfunction. The current situation is very obviously having a negative impact on his physical and mental health. Today he called me and the conversation took a strange turn that it’s never done before and before I knew what hit me, it was wreaking Chaos on MY mental state. I sat on my front porch and cried my way through a triggered ptsd episode like I haven’t had in quite a while after he angrily hung up on me to go have a panic attack of his own. This brother is my best friend and pretty much the only family member I want to stay in contact with at this point.

I’m beat. I don’t know where to begin. I feel like moving far far away and just ghosting them all.
This could be something I could actually do if I just say the word. I have opportunity to do so.
I have to figure out how to set some better boundaries here. I thought I was doing ok with that these days. But this week has just sent me into a spin. My daughter is driving 6 hours today to be here to see younger brother before his trial just in case it doesn’t go in his favor. I feel obligated to just nod and smile and be nice to everyone and keep on pretending this is ok....
Forums you may find me in:
Self injury

"I tell you: one must still have chaos in one, to give birth to a dancing star.-Friedrich Nietzsche
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