Our partner

Uneasy About Malignant Narcissist Mom and Sister

Forum for significant others, family and friends of people with mental illness to discuss relevant issues they face.

Moderator: thegentlepath

Forum rules
This is a support forum for the family, partners and friends of those with mental health issues. This forum is intended to be a safe place to discuss information, give and receive support and learn about all the issues related to being involved with a person with a disorder. Whilst it can be healthy to express various emotions, please remember to be respectful about the disorder itself. This is a place for constructive discussions, not a venting forum.

The issues experienced by the significant others of those with disorders cannot always be discussed in the other parts of the site in a way that does not trigger those with disorders. Moderators may therefore move threads from other forums into this one at their discretion.

Uneasy About Malignant Narcissist Mom and Sister

Postby optimist1234579 » Thu Jan 02, 2020 8:41 am

For almost 5 months now, I've gone no contact after coming to the painful realization that my incredibly psychotic, annoying, and evil mother and sister are malignant narcissists (sister being the golden child of the family).

Learning this ugly truth about them is in a way liberating to know what's REALLY going on with them since previously I always had felt anger and frustration towards them but never really knew what their problem was and was confused--I would always question my methods of trying to have civilized conversations with them, giving myself false hope that maybe they can learn to respect, treat me better, and not start stupid fights over nothing if only I could sit down and have alternate types of dialogues with them. Well THAT ugly mind*uck is now out of the way after I've learned that they can't change and I have no intention to.

However, as happy as I am now that I've gone no contact with them, I am still very much troubled and mentally preoccupied with these two snakes. I definitely ADMIT and ACCEPT that they are what they are and won't ever change, but my biggest struggle is coming to terms with how my mom and sister (not even the fact that they are mine and that I feel life's dealt me unfair cards), but how ANY mom and sister could just be so plain evil with their son/brother? I just cannot understand, and in my head it's the voice of "how could your mom/sister treat you so terribly?" vs. "doesn't that suck that you've decided to not talk to your own mom/sister who are your own blood? that's kinda messed up!" The second voice isn't out of guilt, and I have NO DOUBT they are terrible people, but it's just kind of an acceptance thing where I'm still having trouble coping with this harsh reality.

They are currently at the campaign smear stage and have attempted throwing in a flying monkey or two, and from what I've heard, they've gossiped absolutely DISGUSTING lies about me and my wife. Fortunately the folks at the receiving end of this bullcrap is my extended family who knows my mom for years and right off the bat told me that they know what a drama queen liar she is and that they didn't believe her. So I'm not worried about any potential damage since there aren't any other intermediate people she and my sister can lie to, but still, the thought of HOW disgustingly lying and evil people could be really makes me uncomfortable.

Any advice to better cope with this two-headed snake?
optimist1234579
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 8
Joined: Tue Jul 30, 2019 6:25 pm
Local time: Thu Nov 26, 2020 12:40 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: Uneasy About Malignant Narcissist Mom and Sister

Postby xdude » Fri Jan 03, 2020 6:13 pm

I don't know of any quick fix, but I do think you are on the right track.

Your focus is no longer on how to change their thinking, to adjust yours so you see their motives more clearly. The rest just takes time to settle in.

All I can add is that it REALLY IS TRUE, some people's entire minds are purely about how do I benefit, and others do not enter their picture except as tools, a means to an ends. It takes time for people who are empathetic to accept this and embrace. The good news is not everyone thinks that way :)
We do NOT delete posts

Read the forum rules before posting here. If you are having any doubts about what you are posting, if you are thinking in the back of your mind, "I am going to want to delete this, or these details, later", remove those details, or step back and don't post until you are sure.
xdude
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 8662
Joined: Thu Dec 23, 2010 3:41 pm
Local time: Thu Nov 26, 2020 3:40 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Uneasy About Malignant Narcissist Mom and Sister

Postby optimist1234579 » Fri Jan 03, 2020 8:00 pm

Thanks xdude.

Thinking about it more deeply, I think the biggest issue I have is a battle between my logos vs. pathos. The logical side of my brain sees it all and understands exactly what's going on--they're narcs! And all the symptoms are there, and their behavior is consistent by definition. In the meanwhile, the human emotions in me keep arguing and have an extremely difficult time accepting how savage some people could be. It's just uncomprehending! I know the whole point of moving on and healing is being compassionate towards them, or risk becoming narc-ish or savage like them filled with resentment, but how can I be compassionate towards something I can't really understand?
optimist1234579
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 8
Joined: Tue Jul 30, 2019 6:25 pm
Local time: Thu Nov 26, 2020 12:40 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


Return to Significant Others, Family & Friends Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 7 guests