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Major Depressive Disorder...learning.

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This is a support forum for the family, partners and friends of those with mental health issues. This forum is intended to be a safe place to discuss information, give and receive support and learn about all the issues related to being involved with a person with a disorder. Whilst it can be healthy to express various emotions, please remember to be respectful about the disorder itself. This is a place for constructive discussions, not a venting forum.

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Major Depressive Disorder...learning.

Postby VodooChild » Thu Nov 21, 2019 3:36 am

I recently got involved in a new relationship with an amazing, caring, loving woman. She has major depressive disorder and is 32 years old and lives with her parents and is on disability for it. She works occasionally part time when she can and is often busy around the house. While this is all new for me, I didn't want to give up on her because I understand battling demons in the mind as I too have my own struggles with anxiety. She has been through the ringer since she was a child. Every medicine you can imagine, she's been on. Numerous electro shock therapy sessions, etc. When I am with her she seems happy and engaged for the most part and we enjoy each others company. Active sex life. We joke and laugh together. I have noticed some behaviors and I guess I just wanted to hear from other who have this depression as well to see if it is normal. Sometimes it looks like laziness and I don't like having those thoughts about her in my head because I do care about her so much. There will be occasional days sporadically where she is just completely out of commission. Not a text or a call or a peep. This normally only lasts for 24 hours which I can live with, but I'm just trying to understand it. How she can be so fine and normal and happy one day and then the very next day can't even leave her bedroom to use the bathroom or make some food. (Her parents and I have gotten very close and this is what they tell me.) Also, when she is doing well we have deep talks about it and she tells me things like "I just stare off into space for hours and hours and hours and forget to even eat or pee" or "it feels like you're a lion in a cage pacing back and forth and you can't get out". I've noticed other behaviors too like if she has a big family trip planned or a big out of town event or something she will be all packed and ready to walk out the door but instead she will just curl up and back out last minute then isolate in her room again. There is so much more to this and I believe I am handling it all as lovingly as I can. I don't take it personally at all either. I suppose I'm just trying to understand it and see if anyone can relate to this behaviors. I understand every brain is uniquely different, but any insight in helping an outsider understand would be so wonderful! I hate that the depression looks like laziness... because than I battle in my brain .."is it real? what's going on here." and I have those thoughts etc.

Thank you kindly.
''t
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Re: Major Depressive Disorder...learning.

Postby xdude » Thu Nov 21, 2019 3:03 pm

Hey VoodoChild,

We aren't doctors or professionals, so all you'll get is guesses and opinions here.

A question first though -

Since it is not clear to you what is depression versus 'laziness', it is not clear to me either. Related, what do you perceive as lazy vs say she just needs down time to recharge her emotional batteries?
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Re: Major Depressive Disorder...learning.

Postby VodooChild » Thu Nov 21, 2019 4:32 pm

Xdude,
I like what you're saying about charging the emotional batteries. That makes sense to me.
I would consider laziness to look like laying around in bed all day, not cleaning or showering. Her depression also sometimes looks like this. That's why as an outsider who doesn't suffer with depression it can be hard to see it as depression. Does that make sense?
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Re: Major Depressive Disorder...learning.

Postby realityhere » Fri Nov 22, 2019 7:16 am

“The madness of depression is, generally speaking, the antithesis of violence. It is a storm indeed, but a storm of murk. Soon evident are the slowed-down responses, near paralysis, psychic energy throttled back close to zero. Ultimately, the body is affected and feels sapped, drained.”- William Styron

I've suffered major depression twice in my life and when I read Styron's "Darkness Visible", I related very much to what he described in his memoir of what his depression was like. He was a famous author who wrote "Sophie's Choice" and other novels. Perhaps his descriptive memoir can help you gain some understanding of this mental illness. Your public library may have the book.
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Re: Major Depressive Disorder...learning.

Postby VodooChild » Fri Nov 22, 2019 3:46 pm

Realityhere..
Thank you! Funny I'm actually headed to the library today so I will check it out.
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