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Help. NPD with HPD GF, Push/Pull for years

Forum for significant others, family and friends of people with mental illness to discuss relevant issues they face.

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This is a support forum for the family, partners and friends of those with mental health issues. This forum is intended to be a safe place to discuss information, give and receive support and learn about all the issues related to being involved with a person with a disorder. Whilst it can be healthy to express various emotions, please remember to be respectful about the disorder itself. This is a place for constructive discussions, not a venting forum.

The issues experienced by the significant others of those with disorders cannot always be discussed in the other parts of the site in a way that does not trigger those with disorders. Moderators may therefore move threads from other forums into this one at their discretion.

Re: Help. NPD with HPD GF, Push/Pull for years

Postby Seili » Mon Nov 04, 2019 8:35 pm

It might be 'easier' for you to define her every action through the disorder, but people are more complex than that. Humans are generally more receptive to kindness rather than reminding what's wrong with them.

Though that would mean not playing.
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Re: Help. NPD with HPD GF, Push/Pull for years

Postby realityhere » Mon Nov 04, 2019 9:02 pm

Seili wrote:It might be 'easier' for you to define her every action through the disorder, but people are more complex than that. Humans are generally more receptive to kindness rather than reminding what's wrong with them.

Though that would mean not playing.


Understood, Seili. But it goes both ways. If both parties are self-aware and undergoing therapy, they would both understand the games they've played and try to stop that behavior, a kindness in itself.
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Re: Help. NPD with HPD GF, Push/Pull for years

Postby Midnight1 » Mon Nov 04, 2019 9:40 pm

realityhere wrote:Understood, Seili. But it goes both ways. If both parties are self-aware and undergoing therapy, they would both understand the games they've played and try to stop that behavior, a kindness in itself.


Exactly. Since i'm going to therapy i understand myself and the whole situation. I see it clearly in a psychological way. I understand her actions too and why she does what she does. But it's simple, 2 people either grow together or grow apart.

You are right and that's exactly what i'm going to do. Focus on my exam and probably move on afterwards. After all, time is the most precious thing we have in life. Even with therapy she might not recover.
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Re: Help. NPD with HPD GF, Push/Pull for years

Postby ViniStonemoss » Tue Nov 05, 2019 8:18 pm

Midnight1 wrote:Focus on my exam and probably move on afterwards.


Why keeping her around when you could end this right away.

I agree with Seili.

We don't know her side of the story. And it does not sound like the poster is holding himself accountable in any way, shape or form.

This being said, they don't seem like a great fit. And it sounds like they would be better apart.
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Re: Help. NPD with HPD GF, Push/Pull for years

Postby Seili » Wed Nov 06, 2019 4:15 pm

The guy want's to play and accuses the girl of playing.

Not accountable behavior.

Hopefully you'll find a respectable way to break up with her. Without blame shifting and without excessively triggering her.
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Re: Help. NPD with HPD GF, Push/Pull for years

Postby xdude » Mon Nov 11, 2019 11:30 am

I have a bit of a different view.

There really is something to the fire and ice relationship that "sometimes" happens between people with cluster B disorders. It happens, and in a way it is a special type of bond, intense on a level most relationships are not.

I doubt either is the cause of any falling out. Both are, and aren't. Oh sure, after the falling out both have to take their corners and will focus on who was at fault, but really neither was/is.

My view then is along the lines of the relationship was probably doomed to start (sorry to be a bearer of bad news), but likes two ships passing in the night, no doubt both got something out of it, and because of the underlying issues, it was bound to end too. A hard pill to swallow. For the OP, if you can, think of it like say an ideal work gig, or something like the best of times at college. Those times will pass, and be replaced by something else.

I am not saying people should be treated like work gigs either, just that odds are it was going to happen. At some point the honeymoon phase between cluster B types passes, and it's not really possible to go backwards in time.
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