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Cutting off the Narc

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Cutting off the Narc

Postby Breakingfreeforgood » Wed Sep 11, 2019 8:54 am

When is it really a discard?

A friend of 6 years has not spoken to me for 4 weeks - our friendship consisted of him worshiping the ground I walked on to him being rude and very offhand to me. We followed the cycle of me telling him I was upset at something he said, him being blunt followed by a U turn of apologies and I love you’s etc and me quickly forgiving.

This time is different - once again he did something that was cruel, I told him I was upset whilst he was pretending nothing had happened, he said Ok - and hasn’t spoken to me since (this is totally out of character never happened before)

He has stopped posting on his social media (he was a multiple times a day poster plus a serial ‘liker’) yet for 4 weeks nothing - but he is showing online as often as usual, lurking.

After 3 weeks of me leaving communication routes open (I felt rightly or wrongly it was his place to address the issue as he had been cruel out of nowhere), my anxiety was through the roof and for my own sanity clicked the unfriend/unfollow. I felt the silence (against me and all mutual friends) was blaming me. If he had of addressed the upset I would have as usual talked it out and fell back into the friendship again.

Therefore wondering if I have been discarded as his primary source (I’ve read extensively into narcissism and he is a-typical of a mid range narc).

I need to mention we are not immature teenagers we are 40 somethings, both married and opposite sex, we have a completely platonic friendship (with the odd flirt from him - I never enter into any flirting). He is an intelligent person, with a good job (higher management) so to anyone outside of the situation a sulk like this would probably come across as insane.

I cut him off a week ago, and there has still been no change, no contact, no social media posts nothing public however I know from mutual friends he is fine aka no illness no family problem etc - I had made sure this information was known before I cut him off.
So basically it feels like it’s been one big game.

My question is though - am I really free of him or is it only a matter of time? I assumed a Narc discarded and replaced like nothing has happened, that they carry on with total disregard and without a second thought?
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Re: Cutting off the Narc

Postby eterea107 » Fri Sep 13, 2019 6:17 am

I do not know the answer to your question, but you have the means to go no contact? That would mean blocking him on social media, changing your phone number, not answering your door if he decides to “visit,” etc.

Personality disorder labels aside - it sounds like he knows how to “push your buttons” and gets some enjoyment out of how you react. I think if you steadfastly choose to no longer interact, at all...he will move on.

In my opinion, announcing to him you will never be in contact with him again may just make it harder.
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Re: Cutting off the Narc

Postby xdude » Fri Sep 13, 2019 4:30 pm

Unfortunately we aren't qualified to diagnose, so all you'll get is opinions and guesses.

That written, it may be an over simplification to say that people with NPD are simply discarding with no thought. It is also possible that much like BPD, something happened that he felt wounded him, and in his mind he is responding by discarding. Whether or not he will be back would depend on how deeply he feels he was wounded. I don't know of anyway to know that but to ask him, but if he feels utterly wounded, he probably wouldn't be willing to answer honestly (after all that would mean another wound).

I couldn't tell, but it seems like you are at a point where you want the back and forth cycles to end? If so, I'd say do not contact him, block, etc. Stick to it, he will most likely give up.
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