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Is this what npd looks like, me or him?

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Is this what npd looks like, me or him?

Postby Myusername12345 » Fri Jun 07, 2019 9:41 pm

Me and my husband met, fell in love and from there it all happend so fast. We got engaged, married, had our baby. I had my daughter from a previous relationship.

But there has also been so many issues. Everytime I disagreed with him, fx about parenting or I didn’t do things as he liked, he got very mad at me. Calling me all kind of things and mentally ill. In general he had a problem with other people’s expressions of emotion, negative emotions, and all emotions like sadness was a sign of mental illness according to him.

But we had our baby, things were on and off. He told me I was sick, and needed to leave the baby with him. So I left the house with my two children of course. Since I moved back and he moved out and we have been living apart since. In the beginning he did everything to make it difficult, reported me to the social services for child abuse and neglect (lies). But then he softenend up and we have been working on us

It is still on and off, fx he got mad because I asked if we could spend more time at my house as all the kids things are here and we don’t have time and it is confusing to run back and forth between two houses. He threw a fit, calling me mental and filled with hatred and very difficult. He then started talking about just the kids coming. I asked if he wanted to live with me or divorce me, he says he doesn’t care and I am too much. I feel it is me doing everything, planning everything, he gets mad over the smallest things and then refuses to talk to me and insults me. Saying he doesn’t care and if not together he is going to enjoy himself.

So I get confused because sometimes he softens up, says he knows he hurts me and it hurts our family what he is doing. That he loves me. Also before he has apologized out of the blue. He is not mad for that long. He always spends all his time with us and is there for us, supoorting me and letting me have time for my hobbies and helps at home. He compliments me, talk good about me, can joke about himself, can accept he can be moody sometimes brags about me, etc. Last time I got really touched because he did all I was missing, he apologized, promised change, said he was open to talk and I could tell him anything and that he will support me, he took me out to eat, surprised me with this thing I love, took me for a trip spending time together, and invites me to hang in the part and holds me. That was one week ago and today he is acting like none of that happend and that he hates me. He is also 17 years older than me, lied about it, has nothing steady going on in his life, had many younger girlfriends and fast relationships, wrote with a girl at the time he met me and continued for a littlw while while with me.

Is that what npd looks like?

Or am I the one with npd? I like when he gives me attention. And I am ao down these days because of us, I lash out and I am scared why I am so aggressive and mad, my family is tired of me complaining about him while getting back to him evertime which i can’t understand it is a bit indecisive, my economy is dead and my mind is only why he is like that with me and why we can’t talk, so confused. I should use that energy on my kids. But i have no energy. And normally i am so enthusiastic, for my kids, i think my life is good. But i can’t know myself after this.

I am scared to leave. Because what about the kids? Do I need to see him every week. And who will ever want someone like me, kids with two different men, i am not getting younger or more attractive and i have never had a relationship that was normal (only had two relationships in my life). I see no way out of this, only sucking it up and staying with him accepting it is how it is and will be and just subject to him, and just fight for the kids, leaving everything with kids and never see him again (which is impossible as that would be wrong and kidnapping) or just killing myself because I am never getting rid of this guy. It has been like this in cycles for years.
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Re: Is this what npd looks like, me or him?

Postby xdude » Sat Jun 08, 2019 1:17 pm

Hey Myusername12345,

Could be a NPD relationship. They tend to start off with quick idealization. It's very confusing after that, and if it's at all possible, talking it out with a close friend, or therapist is worth doing if you have someone you can talk with.

It happens too, that in such relationships both people can end up behaving in extreme ways, but I don't think that means you have NPD; it can just be you are trying to keep your head above water.

For whatever it's worth, I don't think you have to make an immediate decisions what to do, just talk it out with someone who will listen. What to do, you'll figure that out in time.
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