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At My Wits End

Forum for significant others, family and friends of people with mental illness to discuss relevant issues they face.

Moderators: mark1958, xdude

Forum rules
This is a support forum for the family, partners and friends of those with mental health issues. This forum is intended to be a safe place to discuss information, give and receive support and learn about all the issues related to being involved with a person with a disorder. Whilst it can be healthy to express various emotions, please remember to be respectful about the disorder itself. This is a place for constructive discussions, not a venting forum.

The issues experienced by the significant others of those with disorders cannot always be discussed in the other parts of the site in a way that does not trigger those with disorders. Moderators may therefore move threads from other forums into this one at their discretion.

At My Wits End

Postby Chnchilla » Sun Jan 13, 2019 6:39 pm

I have been married to my husband for almost 17 years and when we first met he was the loving husband who always complimented me, was so good to me, who couldn’t do enough for me even though I did see some warning signs but at the time he would lie to me( I was stupid enough not to realize this) and talk his way out of it and I stupidly believed and forgave him. About 9 years ago he had been drinking and went to bed and left the computer on which I saw in the morning a conversation between him and another woman. Needless to say it wasn’t pretty and we had this huge blowout fight that ended with him apologizing and swearing nothing happened and me being naive enough to believe him. Unfortunately this was enough for me to have trust issues with him ever since, things between us are not the same nor will they ever be I don’t think. Besides this, he has a way of talking down to me, always sarcastic like and I would tell him to stop and he would for a little while but then it would start again, I am not a small person but i’m not an elephant either and just the way he would look at me made me self conscious, I won’t let him see me naked. Little things like this was happening over the years and I was blaming myself for the way he was acting towards me until only a few months ago I read an article on narcissistic behaviour and he checked all the boxes. So now I know what he is and I try to keep the peace but this morning I was at my wits end over the stupidest thing. Apparently he told me he wanted bacon for breakfast and I didn’t hear him so I got the “ you don’t listen to me” speech and I just blew a gasket, I just couldn’t take it anymore and I told him I was tired of him talking to me like that but of course it is my fault, it’s always my fault, I just couldn’t take it anymore and I told him to eff off, he said something back I can’t even remember what it was but I again told him to eff right off, his reply was “and you”, I said I would. Not sure where we are going from here but I don’t thing it will end well. I guess after this rant I want to know is counselling worth trying because I do know he will never change but I am too old to start over. Please help me.
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Re: At My Wits End

Postby sparklestars » Thu Mar 21, 2019 12:18 pm

Your husband sounds so selfish. You sound like you need some cheering up! You need to start thinking on a whole new level of "YOU". Think positive, talk to old friends, go places, get a new doo. Do new things for yourself. You sound like such a beautiful person who has very low self-esteem because of him. Don't let him get to you any more.

If he's talking down to you, smile and walk away. It's what I would do. I'd just stop listening to negative Ned. You will be fine if you just believe in yourself and sure, go to counseling and get those things off your chest!
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