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Parent with NPD

Forum for significant others, family and friends of people with mental illness to discuss relevant issues they face.

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This is a support forum for the family, partners and friends of those with mental health issues. This forum is intended to be a safe place to discuss information, give and receive support and learn about all the issues related to being involved with a person with a disorder. Whilst it can be healthy to express various emotions, please remember to be respectful about the disorder itself. This is a place for constructive discussions, not a venting forum.

The issues experienced by the significant others of those with disorders cannot always be discussed in the other parts of the site in a way that does not trigger those with disorders. Moderators may therefore move threads from other forums into this one at their discretion.

Parent with NPD

Postby Bluechai64 » Mon Dec 10, 2018 10:08 pm

I think my father has NPD. He is incapable of showing empathy, takes out his depression on me and emotionally abuses me. He is horrible to everyone around him and has no real relationships. He a heavily alcohol dependent, is horrible to my mother and has no care about anyone’s life other than his own. He expects everyone to act how he wants and expects me to do everything he says. He tried to exercise his control over me through his money and frequently shouts at me swearing, saying how much he hates me and how he hates to live with me. I am only 17 so I have little control over everything but he is manipulative and comes back really late some nights and we never know when - he likes us not to know almost in a power struggle . It is taking its toll on my mental health and I feel guilty that it is all my fault. He takes thsi out on my mother and blames her for bringing me up supposedly badly and tells her it is her fault. However I have not actually done anything wrong, do not go out really late/do dugs and smoke and my grades are perfect. He has never taken interest in my my life nor anyone else’s and even when I was young and the problem wasn’t nearly as apparent, everything still had to revolve around him. Our relationship has been non existent for basically 3 years now however in the last few months it has gotten a lot worse. He has thrown countless insults at me yet seems to not possess the ability to apologise or ever accept he had done anything wrong. He can’t even get his head around the fact that other people can have different opinions to him. I hate having to live with him and I know that my mother does too but I don’t knwo what I can do. Any suggestions or anyone going through /have gone through a similar situation
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Re: Parent with NPD

Postby xdude » Wed Dec 12, 2018 4:06 pm

Hey Bluechai64,

You are in good company, in that many have gone through this. However the only advice I know of that is really sound is what you likely already know -

1.) Therapy for self if possible (it's not for everyone), and...

2.) Ultimately it comes down to spending less time (if any for some), around someone with NPD, especially for children of.

Obviously #2 isn't easy, but it's really the only way I know of to start getting your head and heart clear. It may mean giving up something else to take this step, and even then you may be struggling with the impact on you for many years to come, but it's near impossible to really get started until you are free of those daily triggers.

Okay well maybe a #3 to ponder -

Most people with NPD do not believe there is anything wrong with them, or they believe they are better off because of their NPD. There are exceptions, but it's rare. If that does happen, it won't be because of anything you say or do. It will be due to some epiphany, or the person with NPD reaches a rock bottom point, but learning to let go of what we cannot change (and were never responsible for to begin with), is something that can be practiced immediately. It takes a long time for most children of a narcissist to change their feelings, but it is possible to intellectually practice whatever mantra works (e.g., "I never got a certificate that says this is my job to fix").
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