Narsissists parents ruined my life

I was born in toxic family, where parents always caring only about my school grades. If I wanted to show my mother something that I was proud of, like my first 3d model in blender or website on which I was working hard I always heard this: "You're just wasting time, you need to make homework" or "It's good, but you're wasting your time, so it's better to you to start working on a homework". Where there are was no homework to do, she always know what she will say: "Do homework for another day", "Read another article" and there are was always exists executes for me to do since we has final exams in the school. I have a little brother and laws in family do not touches him at all. I don't have my personal time to relax, play videogame or something like that because my room is like not mine, but also mother's with brother's. My dad has a storage of clothes in my room. This is all when we have enough space in the house not to be like this. When I'm playing, mom can just walk trough and say: "You're an idiot, you must doing homework right now". This why I got very good skill at ALT+TAB in the Windows 10. When mother comes, or another person, I can hear it by steps even trough headphones, I just minimize window what I'm using right now not matter what it is: youtube, game, book, mine homework to do or school stuff. I'm pausing my process and wait until she'll leave the room.
It's pointless how parents is killing thier apportunities. I thought every parent would be happy to see how his child is happy...
I got sick of it. OCD, noise in the ears, tiredness, insomnia, a lot of other illnes and problems and just #######5 mood. It looks like I'm right now jelous to everyone: to people who smiling, who can show emotions, who can just be happy, who has family...
And I can't do anything... Sometimes I wish to die to myself how lonely and painful it can be. Actually, what I'm doing for the past years is only diyng. Maybe I'd commit suicide without a hope that I can find good people, find my life. And Skillet, Linkin Park music groups helped a lot, too. Like... A LOT. But I'm scared to become an abuse to good people, because of my painful past.
I'm in the position when I can't trust to anyone. Articles about this always telling you: go ask for help you're teacher or go to your psychologist. I can't do this. So, everyting I can do is just waiting and hoping? Die from one day to another?

Ok first of all she is right. The video games you're playing are a waste of time and so is 3d modeling in blender. You remind me of me quite a bit. I evolved past a lot of what you're doing. I go out every day these days. I wasted all of my 20's sitting in my room making youtube videos since 2009 that never made any real money. I could have worked at McDonald's and made 100000x more money than I ever did maknig youtube videos isolated in my room. I wasted time making 3d models in lightwave, 3ds max, and yeah even blender. None of it amounted to anything. Those skills don't matter unless you get a JOB working for someone else. Guess what? In order to do that you have to focus on SCHOOL NOT BLENDER. making little projects and models by yourself will do nothing unless you're actually making something right now that you can show to companies for a demo reel that you know will impress or you ARE wasting your time.

Secondly, I used to research narcissism A LOT in my 20's. I've stopped using that word. Turns out none of them were narcissists. I was just emotionally weak and placing blame on people for not being as weak as me. I went from a INFJ personality type to a INTJ and I'm sure its evolving into something else these days.

So yes. Accept the fact that youre dwelling in video games because youre antisocial. accept the fact that your hobbies locked alone in your room will waste years of your life. Accept who you are. Stop looking around labeling everyone so that you can think theyre all dumb and youre not. odds are if youre alone in your room tinkering away by yourself unhappy and frustrated that's your problem that you are stuck in. one day youll look in the mirror and say hey everyone has a life except me! Maybe I'm not as smart, cool, and clever as I thought I was because I sit on my butt and play video games and tinker away at polygons all day and am socially retarded! Good luck. If you have OCD and video games and other nerdy hobbies it wont end until one day you realize youre not growing, not making money, and everything you do has no value at all. At that point youll wish you went outside. Went to school. Worked jobs. Met people. Got relationships. Instead of reading about your social defects on yahoo answers (like I did) ...you said you do similar. Just stop all this behavior youre doing. Listen to your mom shes right. Delete blender. Delete the video games. Look at yourself in the mirror. Are you fat? Unhappy? Apply for jobs start working out. Focus on school.

Hey Myusername,

Tough one, but some thoughts -

It's normal enough that some parents push their kids to do their school work, plan for their own future as adults, to become self-sufficient. As to whether or not that is narcissistic, or well meant, OR some of both, depends on who you ask.

I think many programmers, and computer graphics artists, tend toward being introverts, and some end up with good paying jobs, or are content to just work on ideas for the joy of doing so. The downside for these types is that it is also possible to get trapped in state of near total self-isolation. Balance lost.

Suppose I told you about someone who only wanted to socialize, party, hang out with friends. Someone who stopped creating, learning, whose parents were pushing them to get their school work done. Again, without balance, odds are against them.

It did come across that you are feeling depression, so understood it's hard to get motivated to make a change. You wrote that reaching out for some help is not possible for you. May I ask why?

justpostingafewtimes wrote:Ok first of all she is right. The video games you're playing are a waste of time and so is 3d modeling in blender. You remind me of me quite a bit. I evolved past a lot of what you're doing. I go out every day these days. I wasted all of my 20's sitting in my room making youtube videos since 2009 that never made any real money. I could have worked at McDonald's and made 100000x more money than I ever did maknig youtube videos isolated in my room. I wasted time making 3d models in lightwave, 3ds max, and yeah even blender. None of it amounted to anything. Those skills don't matter unless you get a JOB working for someone else. Guess what? In order to do that you have to focus on SCHOOL NOT BLENDER. making little projects and models by yourself will do nothing unless you're actually making something right now that you can show to companies for a demo reel that you know will impress or you ARE wasting your time.

Secondly, I used to research narcissism A LOT in my 20's. I've stopped using that word. Turns out none of them were narcissists. I was just emotionally weak and placing blame on people for not being as weak as me. I went from a INFJ personality type to a INTJ and I'm sure its evolving into something else these days.

So yes. Accept the fact that youre dwelling in video games because youre antisocial. accept the fact that your hobbies locked alone in your room will waste years of your life. Accept who you are. Stop looking around labeling everyone so that you can think theyre all dumb and youre not. odds are if youre alone in your room tinkering away by yourself unhappy and frustrated that's your problem that you are stuck in. one day youll look in the mirror and say hey everyone has a life except me! Maybe I'm not as smart, cool, and clever as I thought I was because I sit on my butt and play video games and tinker away at polygons all day and am socially retarded! Good luck. If you have OCD and video games and other nerdy hobbies it wont end until one day you realize youre not growing, not making money, and everything you do has no value at all. At that point youll wish you went outside. Went to school. Worked jobs. Met people. Got relationships. Instead of reading about your social defects on yahoo answers (like I did) ...you said you do similar. Just stop all this behavior youre doing. Listen to your mom shes right. Delete blender. Delete the video games. Look at yourself in the mirror. Are you fat? Unhappy? Apply for jobs start working out. Focus on school.

xdude wrote:Hey Myusername,

Tough one, but some thoughts -

It's normal enough that some parents push their kids to do their school work, plan for their own future as adults, to become self-sufficient. As to whether or not that is narcissistic, or well meant, OR some of both, depends on who you ask.

I think many programmers, and computer graphics artists, tend toward being introverts, and some end up with good paying jobs, or are content to just work on ideas for the joy of doing so. The downside for these types is that it is also possible to get trapped in state of near total self-isolation. Balance lost.

Suppose I told you about someone who only wanted to socialize, party, hang out with friends. Someone who stopped creating, learning, whose parents were pushing them to get their school work done. Again, without balance, odds are against them.

It did come across that you are feeling depression, so understood it's hard to get motivated to make a change. You wrote that reaching out for some help is not possible for you. May I ask why?

Thanks for answering.
justpostingafewtimes, sorry, but I think you don't get it. I physically feel bad when my mother is yelling at me. This happens all the time, even when I'm doing homework, because she don't trust me at all. Past years my heart is beating very hard everyday just because of morning with screaming from my mom, sights from other people, laugh from classmates, questions from teacher. I feel very bad. Also, I'm not fat, exactly opposite. And I'm not playing videogames all the time, my favorietes is games with strong story, like from TellTale, also I like puzzles and a bit of shooters. I have a channel on youtube where uploading videos about games. When I was streaming, it gave me a good amount of money. Mother noticed this and said something like: "You're what... absolutely stupid? What are you doing with your PC and why you're speaking with machine?" When I said that I earned ~$20 under 4 hours of streaming, she said that I'm crazy and I'll not be playing games at all while my little brother around. She took my PC from me and returned this in the second month of summer.
xdude, I really want to socialize. But I'm scared and while mom is pushing me it isn't helping, but doing exactly opposite. I remember time when I was thinking: "I just need some rest and will be speaking with people and will be socializing from day to day", but right now it's changed. Changed to: "I need a social pension ". I hope I still can socialize when will be far away from parents, but it'll be a way harder. I really want to be social person, that's why it's so terrible for me keep silence all the time I want to say something, because I know it'll be looks awkard and everybody will be noticed by that and saying: "Look, he can speak", "He has a voice, wow", "Aahahaha".
Why I'm writing this? Maybe because I want to people to know about this, for someone at least in the internet.
I think I have a way to make some distance with my family. I can give up and leave school and work in McDonald's. It will be enough if I would be able to pay for a room, internet, some clothes and food. At least I won't be in the hell. Should I do it?

It would be awful advice to suggest not finishing school. No, you are going to want that else risk being stuck in low paying jobs for life. Once finished though, getting out on your own can be a goal to look forward to.

I think it's fine that computer graphics interests you, even if it doesn't end up becoming a career. Unfortunately it's a reality that many parents are of a generation that simply do not see the potential of developing computer skills, but of course that's no guarantee either. Sometimes parents mean well, but don't express that well.

I also think it's true that computers come with a downside. They can become an addiction, and it's easy to fall into the habit of living life behind and through a computer screen (for some it's their phone, or game console). For that, there is really no good solution but to force ourselves to spend more time away from the machines.

Maybe there is something practical you could do like spend an hour a day working on homework at the school library (if there is one), which would give you some time away from home, sort of socialize without over doing it, etc.

Your parents don't sound like narcissists. Just maybe a bit strict or traditional. Maybe they are not very emotional but this do3snt sound like narcissistic abuse. Narcissistic parents don't care about you or your well being. They will tear you down emotionally and abuse you. They seriously mess you up and rarely do they teach you anything good and worthwhile. So be thankful for what you have.

In my case for example, my father can be mean and even abusive but I wouldn't call him a narcissist. Narcissists are extremely bad tempered.

justpostingafewtimes wrote:Ok first of all she is right. The video games you're playing are a waste of time and so is 3d modeling in blender.

Hey there. I'm new to this forum. I wasn't going to get in to debates about things like this, but I noticed the draw dropping ignorance of this poster and felt like it was necessary to say something.

My guess is that your family situation is quite common. Your parents mistakenly think that good grades are the only things that will lead to prosperity and happiness. The is quite obviously wrong, and your parents are not helping you by telling you that your hobbies are a waste of time. I don't know the cultural background of your parents, but your hobbies like 3D modeling and web design are in high demand - so much so that by the time you finish school, if you're good at these, you may even land a job.

I work in the software industry, and I can tell you that beyond a shadow of a doubt, these are useful skills that are much needed in today's society, and people will pay money for these skills. If your parents don't see this, then they are simply cut off from the real world.

The person's post above is also very unhelpful. This clearly either extreme ignorance about the real world, or simple trolling. I don't know how a forum can be useful to people if people like this run rampant, but either way, don't listen to people like this.

My advice is simple. Find a balance between socializing, finishing school, and pursuing your hobbies. Perhaps continue on with your hobbies without trying to get the attention of your parents. They don't understand the value, so don't worry about what they think. Don't give your parents a reason to worry about you not getting through school. Then, when you're old enough to support yourself, get a job doing what you love. It's pretty easy. The world is made for people who like doing creative stuff with computers.

I know this is gonna sound trite, but it's true:

This, too, will pass.

You won't be with your parents forever. Stick with the schoolwork to pass grades and do what you love doing. You're not going to be able to convince your mother the value of what you do on the computer--she likely has no understanding that ppl do make a living with online or computer skills.

And your parents aren't narcissists, far from it. They're concerned about you and how you display potential to take care of yourself and gain independence as an adult some day--soon. You already have potential to make a good living for yourself, your mother doesn't see it--yet. As for socialization, xdude's suggestion of going to a public or school library is a good way to start.

ANormalPerson wrote:Hey there. I'm new to this forum. I wasn't going to get in to debates about things like this, but I noticed the draw dropping ignorance of this poster and felt like it was necessary to say something.

Haha welcome!

ANormalPerson wrote:My guess is that your family situation is quite common. Your parents mistakenly think that good grades are the only things that will lead to prosperity and happiness. The is quite obviously wrong, and your parents are not helping you by telling you that your hobbies are a waste of time. I don't know the cultural background of your parents, but your hobbies like 3D modeling and web design are in high demand - so much so that by the time you finish school, if you're good at these, you may even land a job.

I work in the software industry, and I can tell you that beyond a shadow of a doubt, these are useful skills that are much needed in today's society, and people will pay money for these skills. If your parents don't see this, then they are simply cut off from the real world.

I agree.

@mysername

It sounds like your mother has issues of her own. Could be narcissism. Her relentlessness at having things her way and intrusiveness could point toward disordered traits.

Your introversion may be a reaction to this, a form of protection. Not that there is anything wrong with introversion in itself.

Also keep in mind that victim blaming is the norm when confronting narcissism. People know about the social consequences of being exposed as a sexist or racist, but with narcissism, it's different. There isn't a lot of social awareness of this so people keep blaming the victim. If your parents were narcissists, be prepared. This may happen over and over again. Even on this forum.

First of all, parents need to accept and discover who their children are. Everyone has unique talents. Tony Hawk just wanted to skateboard all day. His father supported him. And look what happened to him. He is an American icon. 3D Models in blender is a great skill, many people make a ton of money on. Bill Gates dropped out of college. Paul Allen worked on founding Microsoft while playing acid rock. I mean we are all different and have our own way of being successful. So I think you had an unappreciative mother, and it is very sad. I had a similar situation with a mother who wanted to plan everything out in my life, and when (yes i said when) it didn't work, she now wants to sabotage everything in my life.