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Is my wife a Narc?

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Is my wife a Narc?

Postby Bigmoney25 » Thu Jul 12, 2018 1:36 pm

Me and my wife have been married almost 2 years. We got married exactly 6 months of being together and found out a month later she was pregnant. She was my dream girl. We are 7 years apart. I'm 32 and shes 25. She seemed like such a great woman and I fell head over heals for her quickly. Well it all started 2 weeks after we got married. She got mad at me because we were talking about this girl that her ex husband knows and I know. Well since they knew each other I figured it would come out that me and that girl had sex 3 years before I met my wife. Figured it was a long time ago i was honest so she wouldn't find out from her ex husband. And she lost it! Told me i was a whore and bunch of other stuff. The next day she wouldn't even talk to me. Finally that night she came home high on klonopin and i sucked up to her big time and we cuddled on the couch watched a movie and had make up sex and then everything was fine again. She loved me and everything.

Shortly after that I noticed she seemed moody a lot more. Moods were everywhere. She sleep all the time. Let her 2 boys from her previous marriage run around the house while she laid in the bed sleeping with the door closed. Not safe when they were 3 and 2. But she would say you don't like me like I love you, you don't love me and I could go on.

My son has ADHD and he would tell stories at school. Before we got him on the right meds he was a hellion. Well CPS got called and did a check on us which we passed. Some of the reports were correct as in my wife sleeping when kid are up. Well my wife got super mad because she blamed my son for CPS for being called. Started another huge fight her telling me he needs to go stay with his mom or my parents during the week because she can't handle him and so on. Since then think she had a grudge against him. She hated the fact she was put 2nd and not first. She always said she should be first best not 2nd best.

Fast forward now to after my daughter was born. She started to hate my family. It got way worse after my son mad her mad in Oct. I don't remember what it was but she said she hated me so I told her if she hated me so much to go to her moms and she left. Next day she called me telling me my son had to stay with my parents or his mom again. I have full custody of him btw. I told her no. She started telling my he has a major issue and he will never be fixed. He will always be a little fer and a pos. My mom heard this and called her a ######6 bitch. That's when this started to get very bad. I went to talk to my wife and she told me she hated my son and stuff. Well now she claims she never said that. Anyways she wanted me to text my mom and tell my mom to keep her mouth shut and to not talk to my wife like that. That was just the start of the war

She would now start telling my mom is a drug addict looking whore, a bitch, @@@@@@@, and man I could go on. Thanksgiving was hell. She wouldn't let my family see my daughter cuz they were the enemy. If I did bring her over there she would yell at me and tell me I didn't care about her feelings and stuff.

Fast forward to new years eve. I have the flu. Puking all day. She took care of me to a point. Made soup and stuff. But by evening time she wanted to go out. I didn't really want to but she threw a fit so we went out with the kids. Got into a huge fight again. We get home she started texting me telling me she told her guy friends she had no new years eve kiss and we didn't have a connection and that shes horny and wanted go have sex with someone else right now and she would find someone that would treat her better. I kept telling her that was so messed up to say. And she didn't care. She kept saying we weren't together and so on. The next day I sucked up to her and by the evening she loved me again and i was a great hubby.

Now we're fighting a lot more. I get anxiety coming home from work not knowing who it was gonna be. Jekyl or hyde. Felt like I was walking on egg shells all the time. Valentines day sucked. We got into a few fights where I'd leave for the night. Went thru a custody battle for my son because his mom didn't like what my wife was doing and stuff.

Well a few months ago my son was at his mom's and i didn't give her enough medication. So I told her I'd meet her somewhere to drop more off. We got into a argument and my wife got mad and started messaging my sons mom. Who then called the cops on my wife. My wife didn't want to meet her. She wanted me to drive a hr home and then I would have to drive a hr back. I said no I drove to the gas station which was on our way home to drop the meds off. My wife got so mad she left me at the gas station! And to this day she said that's no big deal and for me to get over it.

My parents would ask me to come help them sometimes. She would get super mad and we would get into a fight. She tell me my family is to involved and her family isn't like that. I said your family don't care she said they do to and your family just wants to have sex with you! What?! Where do you come up with that disgusting crap. Or she says I go there to suck my dad off. Which she said she never said that cuz she would never say that.

She tell me she think the reason my mom is the way she is to her is because my mom is jealous that she is banging me and not my mom. Omg that's gross

She dyed her hair blonde! Which then her ego got bigger. She would say she is so hot, shes A1, shes prime and so on. After I left her a few weeks ago she told me I'm gonna regret this someday cuz shes gonna be so hot and I'm gonna be with the fatties wishing I was still with her cuz she'll be so hot. Guys message her all the time and yes she was talking to guys during our marriage. I did talk to my ex wife like 2 times but it was cuz she had a question about something. I'd tel her to get rid of these guys but she never did.

This is some of the stuff that happened. Most of the big stuff. If I remember more I'll post em. But what do you guys think? Narc or what?
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Re: Is my wife a Narc?

Postby xdude » Sat Jul 14, 2018 11:53 am

Hi Bigmoney25,

We aren't qualified or able to diagnose, so you know, all you'll get is guesses.

From a guess point of view, what you wrote, understandably, does appear to be "Narc" like thinking.

Some definite red-flags that stood out for me reading your post -

o Annoyance with your needs, especially a day of being ill (which of course happens to all of us).
o Using jealousy as a tool (yea, that TXT was messed up).
o Above average bragging.
o Bragging, possibly with the intent to incite jealousy.
o Lack of interest/annoyance in the children's needs, including to the point of it overriding their safety.
o Insulting others, and I assume if the tables were turned, she'd not tolerate it.
o Overly threatened by your past relationship (p.s., though I assume it was said/meant in a way that was not to incite jealousy in her).

Anyway, yea, maybe.

So if she does have extreme narcissism, that's unlikely to change unless she chooses to do so. What is important then is what do you need? Your needs/wants matter every bit as much as hers.
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Re: Is my wife a Narc?

Postby bunnyhabit » Sun Jul 15, 2018 6:12 am

seems just an average girl seeking attention from you and other men that gravitate toward outward beauty and extrovert personality
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Re: Is my wife a Narc?

Postby xdude » Sun Jul 15, 2018 12:25 pm

bunnyhabit wrote:seems just an average girl seeking attention from you and other men that gravitate toward outward beauty and extrovert personality


This is certainly something to ponder. There are many books and articles to be found that suggest there has been a rise in 'narcissism' in some cultures, a new normal.

What is mucky is that people may fall for someone because of their 'narcissistic' traits (i.e., they are fully aware and even approve/encourage those traits), and then later, want to change them into a not-a-narcissist. It happens.

@Bigmoney25,

Thing is in your post, this stood out too...

Bigmoney25 wrote:...Well it all started 2 weeks after we got married. She got mad at me because we were talking about this girl that her ex husband knows and I know. Well since they knew each other I figured it would come out that me and that girl had sex 3 years before I met my wife. Figured it was a long time ago i was honest so she wouldn't find out from her ex husband. And she lost it!...


It stood out because I have no idea how you said it, if it was wise, etc., but it implies that this was an ego blow to her that started a downward spiral. And that is the thing about narcissists too, one unexpected ego blow that triggers a deep painful emotion, is all it takes. After that, it's over. Everything is ruined for them. Now I am not saying she is a narcissist, again that takes a professional to diagnose, just that this one event appears to be the beginning of what has followed.
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