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My suicidal son

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My suicidal son

Postby superspud9 » Wed May 16, 2018 9:32 am

This post has mentions of suicide, self-harm, inpatient orders, restraints, guilt

Please forgive me if this comes across as a rant or venting, and feel free to remove it if it's not suitable for this forum, but I'm desperately needing to let off some of the steam. I'd like any advice people have, particularly anyone who has been going through something similar. I feel so alone.

One of my twins has been suicidal, horribly depressed and dipping in and out of psychosis for nearly two years now, and it's taking a toll on all of us. I'm exhausted, so completely exhausted, and I don't know how to keep myself and the rest of our family going. His twin brother in particular is becoming increasingly distressed and miserable the longer this is going on.

Life has been little more than a revolving door. I have to work five or six days a week to provide for my family, and I spend most of that time terrified that my resourceful, intelligent and very manipulative boy has found a way to seriously hurt himself again. At home, I spend most of my time keeping an eye on him and making sure everything dangerous in my home is inaccessible to him. My other sons and daughter are starting to resent him, and I feel like I am too, and it's horrible to feel that way.

Sometimes he spends time in a psychiatric ward as an involuntary patient, and I want to avoid going in that direction as much as possible. He is mistrustful of medical professions and becomes scared, desperate and agitated, and he is often placed in the timeout room or even strapped down to the bed. I can't even describe the feeling of horror when I see him being forced to the ground or tied to his bed to stop him from hurting himself. It keeps me up at night and gives me nightmares. I don't blame him for believing medical professionals are going to hurt him, because they scare me and I'm not even their patient!

He's only recently come back home from the ward, supposedly all better, but it's obvious to me that he's not. He's adept at telling people what they want to hear, and part of me really resents him. He told me yesterday that he's not going to try, he isn't going to to get better and there's nothing I can do about it, and I still haven't stopped crying. I would never give up on him, but I don't feel like I can do much more for him. He hurts himself, the ward medicates and restrains him until he calms down, then he comes back and the cycle repeats, and he is actively trying to undermine every and any effort made to help him. What am I supposed to do?
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Re: My suicidal son

Postby shock_the_monkey » Wed May 16, 2018 11:07 am

your whole post focuses on effects. but until you understand the causes, you can't even hope to change the effects. sit him down and ask him what is going on in his life. and listen. don't make assumption. don't jump in and correct him. just give him the space to let him tell you where he's at. a big part of despair is simply feeling that no one either knows or cares. simply having someone really listen can make an enormous difference.
something knocked me out' the trees
now i'm on my knees
... don't you know you're gonna shock the monkey

there is one thing you must be sure of
i can't take any more
... don't you know you're gonna shock the monkey

don't like it but i guess i'm learning

... shock the monkey to life
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