*TW* The story of my HPD second cousin and I

*** TRIGGER WARNING ***

Hi all!
I've been lurking on the forum a couple of months now and decided to post my story, in order to vent, and also to present you a situation that I haven't found on the site nor the entire www anywhere: someone being targeted by an HPD relative.

First of all please forgive me if my English isn't always spot on, I'm not a native speaker.

Let's start from the beginning, the backstory is important to fully understand. It's 2008 summer and my second cousins are visiting us. I know two of them, however it was the first time I met the 3rd sibling, let's call her Beth. We were 19 and 16 yo respectively (she's the younger one). We immediately sympathized with each other, I'd say it was love at first sight (not literally though... rather a very strong attraction at first sight, but you know, that's what they say). I really enjoyed her company and couldn't wait to see her again. The second meet however was a disaster, she was extremely needy, she would say things like "I don't care in the slightest if we are cousins, I want to be with you forever", and that stare... her stare communicated that she is willing to do anything for me. I quickly decided that I don't want to be involved in this, given my age and inexperience I would've just taken advantage of her, which in this scenario is unacceptable. I wanted to be her friend though, we communicated online daily.

She started high school in the same town I was studying in and started stalking me. I didn't care much, always waved to her, but we never spoke in person anymore. We continued talking online. The stalking was getting worse and she got offended by everything, obviously because she still wanted me. I didn't know what to do, eventually I told her that I never had any feelings for her, it was all an act. Which of course wasn't true, I just wanted to end this uncomfortable situation, and being so young this was the best I could do.

We didn't speak for about a year, then she contacted me again. We became online friends again, but she still had feelings for me. Once she saw me with an another girl, and posted a pic of her cut arm on social media, mentioning me in the comments! So she was horrible at times, but I continued talking to her sometimes. 2 years later I moved to another town and our conversations got even rarer, we spoke maybe twice or thrice a year, just to let each other know where we are and what we are doing. Until this winter.

We are in 2017 December, I'm an EU national living and working in the UK, Beth is staying in our country, staying at home at the moment (she has a back problem due to an accident). She contacted me on facebook asking if I'll visit her during my holiday in Christmas (I usually travel home for Christmas). I was a little bit scared of the idea, but hell, it was all such a long time ago, she probably changed a lot and just wants to see an old friend. I didn't want to go there alone so I brought my sister and her boyfriend with me.

Well, it turned out we still liked each other very much. But holy cow, her behavior! She was constantly talking about bringing guys up to her apartment, she seriously didn't have one sentence that wasn't about sex. And she was very provocative towards me, to the point that my sister and her BF left to go to the shop, I'm sure they just wanted to leave us alone. After they left, she immediately lied on her double bed, looking at me invitingly. I lied there next to her, and we were cuddling and talking. I kissed her a couple of times and she kissed back. She even kissed me while sister and BF were in the room, looking the other way!

After the meet we were talking like 12hr a day, flirting. I really wanted to see her again before I leave back to the UK, but this whole cousin thing felt very wierd. But our chats were so amazing that I didn't care anymore, I suggested we meet before I have to go back. The conversation LITERALLY looked something like this:

Her: "And where would you like to kiss me? "
Me: "I won't tell you, close your eyes, it's gonna be a surprise! :O "
Her: "ohhhh, I want it!!! <3 "
Me: "So what would you do if I visited you tomorrow evening? "
Her: "Ohhh nooo, we can't do that!! You misunderstood me, flirting and desire is one thing, but I couldn't do it IRL, I can't even imagine it"

I was more confused than ever, she kinda pissed me off and we didn't speak for a few days. I was already back in UK when she started texting me again, now in a friendly way. I wasn't very nice to her though, and made objectifying comments to her, did the push/pull thing, to punish her a little bit because she made me all horny then left me blue-balled. To my biggest surprise, she flirted back, now in a lot more explicit way than before. I asked her why she was doing that, she told my that I was stupid for accepting her "no" response before, she wanted to see me. Well, I said there's no way I'm travelling home only for her, so she missed out on this one.

We started talking 12hr a day again, flirting more and more explicitly. Hell, it wasn't even flirt, we constantly talked about how would we ###$ the $#%^ out of each other, very intense very sexual conversations. She told me she waited for this for nearly 10 years and she now wants to make it reality, no matter what. That she never saw me as a cousin, I'm a man, end of story. She many times told me that I shouldn't lose my confidence like before, she wants this. Once she even told me, if we'll be in the same room and she says she doesn't want to have sex with me I shouldn't listen to her, I should tie her to the bed and rape her, that would make her horny AF.

But it wasn't only sex, we talked a lot about our history, what happened, what we felt, why we behaved the way we did. We both apologized for our actions. Flirting, feelings, jokes, all this 12hr a day - I don't even remember when was the last time I felt this amazing.

I told her I'd visit her in the end of Feb in secret. She said I surprised her with this, but she'd be happy to see me. A few days later she started to moan about how I only wanted sex and I don't even appreciate her as a person. After all her promises I should've said ###$ off, but I already developed some feelings for her, I tried to do my best to prove her that she means a lot to me, which was true at this point. A short time later she said we should talk less about sex because she will get scared again, let's talk about something else. OK I said, I don't want you to feel uncomfortable. Couple of days later she said we shouldn't talk about sex AT ALL, let's just meet as friends, and we all know what will happen anyway. OK I said.

That's when things started to go downhill, she became rude, disrespecting, started talking about some other guy she's texting. And she stopped texting me, I had to initiate conversation every day. But I thought OK, this is when I have to keep my confidence, that's what she was talking about. But when she said that she will tell her grandmother that I won't leave her alone, I started to question myself. I asked her directly if she wants to see me or not. SHE TOLD ME THAT I WAS SEXUALLY HARASSING HER FROM THE BEGINNING AND I DON'T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND NO! I was speechless...

No matter how hard I tried to make her admit that she LIED to me and MANIPULATED me for her own amusement, she denied every responsibility on her part, everything was my fault. I deleted her from FB and I don't want to do anything with her anymore ever.

We could say that I'm at fault too, afterall it was clear from the beginning that there's something wrong with the chick. I would've been more cautious if she was somebody else, but it was Beth... I wasn't "just a guy" for her, I was friend and family... and I fully believed everything she said, because you can't possibly deceive someone this close.

We had our last conversation 1st Feb, and she never attempted to contact me again. It April now but it hurts just as much as on the first day, despite the fact that we only texted for a little more than a month. She made me completely lose my mind for her.

Opinions welcome, and I hope to become a valuable member of the forum

Thank you for reading

Valentine

Hi Valentine89,

First, I wanted to comment that your topic may trigger some strong reactions due to the ages involved, and family relationship. As age of consent, and acceptance of relationships with cousins, varies by culture, I want to put that aside though and comment on the HPD aspect.

It would be very unusual, some professionals would even say unethical, to diagnose someone in their late teens with a personality disorder like HPD. In that age range hormones, life changes, social mimicking, etc., are such strong factors that it could all just be a 'phase' she will grow out of.

More important...

As you know, to whatever degree this goes wrong, as the older one (and in some cultures, as the male), others would hold you to a higher level of responsibility. For your sake, and hers, you already know what needs to be done.

Thank you for your input xdude! But I think you missed something in my post, we recontacted each other just recently so we are 28 and 25 respectively at this point. I started with the events of 2008 as a backstory, it just turned out to be a little bit longer than intended

Your last paragraph is very reasonable however, and that's the exact reason I decided not to get involved with her back then.

Hi Valentine89,

Ah, okay so the later history in your story is more recent.

We aren't qualified to diagnose anyone, but a guess of HPD is possible (as are other possibilities). Regardless, you can see that her thinking is erratic, and for your own sake, you don't need your life turned upside down over this. Sexual behavior can fog our brains

Thanks for the replies guys, I really appreciate it!