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Now I have some clear (?) questions (aspd)

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Now I have some clear (?) questions (aspd)

Postby Dahliaa » Wed Apr 04, 2018 12:18 pm

I have written here about my friend who has aspd. I don’t doubt the diagnosis anymore. I guess I just wanted to believe it is wrong but I understand it is not. I have read some materials about aspd but there is many things I don’t totally understand. Maybe someone here can give me more clarification.

- What does it really mean someone doesn’t have a conscience? I cannot totally understand it. Everyone have to have some kind of conscience because it is one of the most important thing in the humanity? How could it be even possible to manage to live without it? Do aspd people have some kind of part-time conscience? How does it feel if you don’t have a normal conscience?

- What kind of values does a person have without conscience? I mean basically values have a connection with the conscience. But all people have to have some kind of values because if you don’t have them who are you really? Or does this mean a person with aspd has totally different kind of values? If so what kind of? Is it possible someone does lie about their values or does pretend they think likewise others for years without no one noticing? And if someone does pretend for years, does it mean eventually it is same as a genuine person?

- What kind of personality do people with aspd really have? Do they have kind of two sides or many sides or what? Which side is the most genuine or are they equal? How do others know which sides or traits are genuine? Do aspd people feel they are not complete? Do people with aspd also have genuine personality traits which are not connected with their disorder?

- What kind of emotions do aspd people have? Are the emotions very flat? How does it feel? What do they have instead of emotions or do they have some kind of empty space in their head? How can you live without normal emotions? I mean the life is basically in the emotions. I cannot imagine any life without emotions.

- Do all people with aspd have very intensive aggressions and rage deep in their minds? Is it possible to totally hide that aggression and be calm? Is it possible that aggression suddenly to break up without any intention?

I cannot help these things bother me because they are important things. I have to admit even writing all this made me feel anxious. But I have to know, haven’t I?

Thank you for reading!

Dahlia
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Re: Now I have some clear (?) questions (aspd)

Postby xdude » Wed Apr 04, 2018 12:47 pm

Hey Dahliaa,

That book I mentioned to you before, is a deep dive into your questions. What does it mean to have a conscience, and what might it be like not to have one (the author can only speculate on the later).

I want to give an imperfect analogy that I use to sort it out.

On rare occasion children have been born that lack the connections (brain or somewhere in their nervous system) to feel physical pain. If that sounds like a blessing, well I guess that depends on how you look at it. They invariably end up hurting themselves as they grow up, and as they become stronger, hurting others. They may not care much that they've hurt themselves, depends on the injury, but without the pain, the cost, it's all too easy to take risks and actions without thinking about it.

Okay it's not a perfect analogy as people who lack conscience may still be well aware of what hurts them (e.g., someone steals from them, they typically do understand that's wrong), but without that internal meter, that sense of right/wrong, guilt and remorse (both painful emotions) as a cost, sometimes the only thing left to slow someone down is tangible consequences (e.g., jail, loss of something, etc.).

What is difficult is that some people who lack conscience, apparently, perceive this as a benefit, a kind of super power. What would it be like to not be 'weighed down' by guilt and remorse? A blessing or a curse? Point being, they may see no reason to want to change. Who would want to give up a super power?
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Re: Now I have some clear (?) questions (aspd)

Postby Dahliaa » Thu Apr 05, 2018 8:01 am

Thank you for reply. I do not have that book yet but I have read some other texts. I am waiting that book. Maybe it has all answers but I doubt that.

I understand your analogy but I feel I cannot understand this whole disorder really deeply. It feels very unfamiliar for me, like they would be some totally different kind of human beings. We usually think it is good to read because of knowledge but I do not know anymore. Maybe I cannot never understand.

"Super power" is a game for children.

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Re: Now I have some clear (?) questions (aspd)

Postby xdude » Thu Apr 05, 2018 5:43 pm

There is an interview floating around on YouTube with a self-confessed female sociopath. Quite enlightening, but one thing she said I really remember...

So she recalls some event in her life at a young age where she had beat some other kid up (or something like that). She also recalls that the 'adults' wanted her to feel bad about it, and that she just didn't. That is eye opening because odds are we all did something as kids that our parents (or a teacher) told us was wrong, but maybe we didn't feel that way, or not as intensely as the adults implied. Is conscience learned, innate, or a mix of both? Who knows, but -

Point is if you can recall something from childhood, having done something wrong, but didn't feel it was wrong (other than the punishment part), I suppose that's a window into what it's like to lack a conscience.
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Re: Now I have some clear (?) questions (aspd)

Postby Dahliaa » Fri Apr 06, 2018 11:09 am

I have to watch that interview. I will try to search it. I have watched some interviews but they happened to be about quite extreme people.

I do think conscience is innate partly at least. For example I have been told I was very kind child yet at the beginning. I always wanted to cuddle all animals and I never fought with other children. I also did usually obey rules without asking. I have been told I tried to confort others if they cried also. I think quite many children are like that. I do not know for sure but I believe I always have known which is the right thing to do. I knew it in my heart even when I was very little.

This is very complicated.

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Re: Now I have some clear (?) questions (aspd)

Postby xdude » Fri Apr 06, 2018 12:32 pm

If I recall the interview is about an hour long, and that it's a female sociopath made it stand out a bit, so you'll know if you find it.

Also interesting is that she communicates she just never felt bad about much that others told her she should. It's kind of hard to tell if she has an obstinate mind (I won't feel guilt), or simply doesn't (can't feel guilt) as others do. Not sure she knew either, but yea it would be different to grow up without what the rest of us call a conscience.

You could almost argue it's a kind of mental blindness from an early age. Their thinking and hence all their experiences are different. Of course they may learn to avoid actions that have negative consequences, but that's not the same as an internal sense of this is 'wrong' because it hurts others, and I feel guilt or remorse for doing so.

Problem is... even people born physically blind may be able to imagine seeing, and wish for it. A lack of conscience seems to be different. I guess the thinking is why would I want to feel guilt, remorse, feel bad? In truth it is rather difficult to describe the benefits of a conscience ;)
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Re: Now I have some clear (?) questions (aspd)

Postby julllia » Fri Apr 06, 2018 1:24 pm

^That is the interesting thing That people who have it don't mind feeling it ,they like it.
Is those who don't have it that are afraid of it like is something terrible
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Re: Now I have some clear (?) questions (aspd)

Postby xdude » Fri Apr 06, 2018 2:15 pm

julllia wrote:^That is the interesting thing That people who have it don't mind feeling it ,they like it.
Is those who don't have it that are afraid of it like is something terrible


Agree. A conscience is also related to having a connection to others, and there is much positive that goes along with that. I guess another analogy then is -

If you can see physically (i.e., your eyes work), there is always the risk you might see something terrible, but for the most part, we see a lot of amazing things too, beauty, and that is emotionally fulfilling. I guess then if you've mostly only seen painful things (or fear seeing painful things), eye sight could seem like a curse, who would want that?

Not a perfect analogy of course, as it's nice to just be able to get around without stumbling, but for someone who lacks a conscience they may not know (or care) that they are stumbling around others. It may not affect them at all, or indirectly (e.g., it requires a tangible consequence to self to be of concern).
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Re: Now I have some clear (?) questions (aspd)

Postby Dahliaa » Mon Apr 09, 2018 11:57 am

Thank you for replies. I cannot find that interview. Is it possible you tell the name of that video? I found one very odd video about woman who was a cannibal and I couldn’t watch it. I don’t know why I always tend to find very extreme videos. Almost all videos seems to be about men but probably people with aspd are quite similar regardless their gender. There are also many educational videos maybe I should watch them.

I am very tired. I cannot sleep well because of this process. This is very stressful, everything just goes around in my head. You wrote: “it is rather difficult to describe the benefits of a conscience”. I still cannot imagine any life without conscience. What kind of life it would be. That kind of person is basically alone. And how do they see others? What kind of limits do they have without conscience?

I feel I will probably "snap" soon and ask something straight for her.

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Re: Now I have some clear (?) questions (aspd)

Postby xdude » Mon Apr 09, 2018 12:30 pm

The interview is here -

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bcnpfYaYwAQ

The interviewer tries to keep it reasonably clinical, and her responses are well explained. Hopefully provides you some answers.
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