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question about HPD devaluation cycle

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question about HPD devaluation cycle

Postby MarcusRain » Tue Feb 27, 2018 5:33 pm

So I'm going to go ahead and ask a question about probably the most taboo topic here b/c I'd like some help and can handle the scathing this may elicit! But I'd still ask that you at least TRY to keep your negative thoughts to yourself. I'm no stranger to this forum and trust me, I've heard them all before!

My goal is to enter into a relationship with someone in my life who has HPD. We're both older (early 40's). I've known her for over a decade. I don't know what she was like before that obviously, but as some of you may know, personality disorder traits tend to lessen in intensity with age.

I'm looking for some advice on how to shorten the duration of a devaluation cycle. It was prompted by a perceived rejection. I eventually figured out she wanted a kiss but I hadn't felt that we were at that point yet (we're officially friends). And as is well understood, those with HPD aren't the greatest at communicating what they want.

Anyway, it's not an extreme devaluation, but I've detected it nonetheless. Do I just sit back, not contact her, and wait it out? I like to explain things but I know logic and reason will not get me particularly far. Basically I want to see her again soon but feel a little stuck right now because I don't want to elicit further devaluation.

Just looking for some real world advice. I've read multiple books on HPD, but thus far haven't found a hell of a lot of practical advice.
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Re: question about HPD devaluation cycle

Postby xdude » Wed Feb 28, 2018 7:14 pm

Hi MarcusRain,

I think that, like all relationships, the question of 'what should I do next' comes down to how far along the relationship is. People with HPD react/act more or less the same as anyone else, just to an extreme in some ways as compared with the norm.

I did note this...

MarcusRain wrote:I eventually figured out she wanted a kiss but I hadn't felt that we were at that point yet (we're officially friends).

So even in the normal development of a romantic relationship, perceived/real rejection is a factor. It's a risk for either, and the risk of rejection for either is the norm.

This sounds like a first step fail is all. HPD aside, normal choices are a.) extend an olive branch, or b.) do nothing.
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