Our partner

question about HPD devaluation cycle

Forum for significant others, family and friends of people with mental illness to discuss relevant issues they face.

Moderators: mark1958, xdude

Forum rules
This is a support forum for the family, partners and friends of those with mental health issues. This forum is intended to be a safe place to discuss information, give and receive support and learn about all the issues related to being involved with a person with a disorder. Whilst it can be healthy to express various emotions, please remember to be respectful about the disorder itself. This is a place for constructive discussions, not a venting forum.

The issues experienced by the significant others of those with disorders cannot always be discussed in the other parts of the site in a way that does not trigger those with disorders. Moderators may therefore move threads from other forums into this one at their discretion.

question about HPD devaluation cycle

Postby MarcusRain » Tue Feb 27, 2018 5:33 pm

So I'm going to go ahead and ask a question about probably the most taboo topic here b/c I'd like some help and can handle the scathing this may elicit! But I'd still ask that you at least TRY to keep your negative thoughts to yourself. I'm no stranger to this forum and trust me, I've heard them all before!

My goal is to enter into a relationship with someone in my life who has HPD. We're both older (early 40's). I've known her for over a decade. I don't know what she was like before that obviously, but as some of you may know, personality disorder traits tend to lessen in intensity with age.

I'm looking for some advice on how to shorten the duration of a devaluation cycle. It was prompted by a perceived rejection. I eventually figured out she wanted a kiss but I hadn't felt that we were at that point yet (we're officially friends). And as is well understood, those with HPD aren't the greatest at communicating what they want.

Anyway, it's not an extreme devaluation, but I've detected it nonetheless. Do I just sit back, not contact her, and wait it out? I like to explain things but I know logic and reason will not get me particularly far. Basically I want to see her again soon but feel a little stuck right now because I don't want to elicit further devaluation.

Just looking for some real world advice. I've read multiple books on HPD, but thus far haven't found a hell of a lot of practical advice.
MarcusRain
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 7
Joined: Tue Dec 26, 2017 9:34 pm
Local time: Thu May 23, 2019 7:46 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: question about HPD devaluation cycle

Postby xdude » Wed Feb 28, 2018 7:14 pm

Hi MarcusRain,

I think that, like all relationships, the question of 'what should I do next' comes down to how far along the relationship is. People with HPD react/act more or less the same as anyone else, just to an extreme in some ways as compared with the norm.

I did note this...

MarcusRain wrote:I eventually figured out she wanted a kiss but I hadn't felt that we were at that point yet (we're officially friends).


So even in the normal development of a romantic relationship, perceived/real rejection is a factor. It's a risk for either, and the risk of rejection for either is the norm.

This sounds like a first step fail is all. HPD aside, normal choices are a.) extend an olive branch, or b.) do nothing.
We do NOT delete posts

Read the forum rules before posting here. If you are having any doubts about what you are posting, if you are thinking in the back of your mind, "I am going to want to delete this, or these details, later", remove those details, or step back and don't post until you are sure.
xdude
Moderator: Consumer
Moderator: Consumer
 
Posts: 7333
Joined: Thu Dec 23, 2010 3:41 pm
Local time: Thu May 23, 2019 7:46 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


Return to Significant Others, Family & Friends Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 5 guests