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am I a heartless bitch?

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am I a heartless bitch?

Postby kilmarnockoradea » Sat Oct 20, 2012 4:52 pm

Im done with my mother, Im done with her for good. Ever since I can remember, there was suposedly something always wrong with her health, she didnt work cause she claimed to be too ill and had seen every specialist in town and beyond for her "debilitating" problems. It was only slowly, reaching into adulthood I have realised most of those could have not been true. I started reading medial books myself, catching her out on lies, talked to her doctors who had either told me there was nothing wrong with her, or there was some minor ailment people live with and dont think about it twice again.
Truth is, I have had enough of listening to her moaning (literally because of the slightest thing), to her lies, her attention seeking, her obsession with health issues that take over our lives every time we have contact with her. I cant do this anymore, I dont want to do this anymore. After the last time she had made a big case out of a (dunno if existent) leg cramp! screaming the house down as if she would've been shot for ten minutes, ordering me around for a drink and pain killers, I have kicked her out my house and have absolutely no intentions of talking to her ever again. I have humoured her to some extent for my father's sake while he was still alive, but I am not taking it anymore, she is not doing this in front of my children.
I only feel bad about it cause my brother is still playing the game, driving her from one doctor to the next, buying her the nth health suppement, all on his own now because I refuse to help. Its up to him to draw the line of course.
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Re: am I a heartless bitch?

Postby iloveit03 » Sat Oct 20, 2012 7:53 pm

NO your not , that is all I feel comfortable saying about your situation unfortunately.
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Re: am I a heartless bitch?

Postby CrackedGirl » Sun Oct 21, 2012 7:03 am

No you are not. Someone with FD can be really hard work esp if they dont want to get better. It sounds like you have had enough and that is fair enough. I hope you can move on with your life now. As for your brother - you are right he has to draw the line himself.

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Re: am I a heartless bitch?

Postby TheFatCat » Mon Oct 29, 2012 3:59 am

No, I would not call you heartless. I get tired of myslef a lot. Well, it's weird because most of the times i say something hurts something ends up being wrong and I feel like I deserve the pain. Not really for attention all the time, but for the pain.

My mommade me resent her because every time i was sick, she would compare (and she was always worse off)
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Re: am I a heartless bitch?

Postby alecat28 » Mon Oct 02, 2017 6:18 pm

I realize this is an old post but I have struggled my entire life with a mother who does the same and I feel lost. Has anyone found a way to maintain a relationship and not ruin their own life while trying? Despite my love for my mother I have distanced myself by moving my family two hours away and only talking to her when it's not about her health (if she starts about health problems I change the subject or tell her I have to hang up for some reason). I rarely call and always ignore her text messages when it's about an illness/pain/dr visit. I quit college because she told me she was dying of cervical cancer and I lived accross the country. I wanted to be there for her. That was 25 years ago. Since then it's been a slew of different cancers, diabetes, bleeding disorders and I just can't even list it all. The final straw was a few years ago when I took off work and took my kids out of school for a few days to be with her when she had "open heart surgery". Turns out it was a standard heart stress test performed routinely on women her age. I was suspicious when the doctor commented on how dedicated I was for being there with my kids, 2 sisters, and a family friend. He said he'd never had so much family to talk to after the test. I guess after writing this I feel my hurt and anger again but on a daily basis I feel extreme guilt for avoiding her. I don't want my girls growing up worrying about her or having to deal with what I have and I fear she'll recognize my avoidance and move on to one of them eventually. She's also never wrong and never exaggerates so trying to talk to her is impossible. I don't know what I'm looking for here. Advice? Reassurance that I'm not a horrible daughter? Kindred spirits? TY for listening.
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Re: am I a heartless bitch?

Postby Selfless74 » Wed Jan 10, 2018 4:22 pm

No.

I have an FD, but am in recovery (from that and from an "drugs").

If your mother has an FD-don't give it any oxygen (so to speak), and sure as one thing-do not give her money for it. She may talk about you "don't care" becaus it's "for treatment" or whatever other rationalizations she makes.

You're acting in her best interest. You can even tune it out, if you have to. You probably do.

It makes you someone who loves her mother.
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Diagnosis: Factitious Disorder, recovered (1 year on 1/17/2018)
PTSD

Medication: Lamotrigine (100mg twice daily)-indication, nerve pain, helps mood too.
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