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Guilt and hope

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Guilt and hope

Postby stargazer47 » Mon Sep 10, 2018 10:16 pm

When I realized what I had done to myself, I had a panic attack. When I thought about how other people were hurt by what I was doing, I wanted to take my own life.

Doctor said to me, "I want you to forgive yourself."

If I were going to go to jail over any of this, it would have happened by now.

Forgiving yourself takes time, and it not easy. I was watching a video on repentence, and the man said when he began going back to church, he found God's forgiveness. And that was when he was able to forgive himself. I always thought if this was what I was doing then I was a lost cause. God doesn't create lost causes.

For me, my addiction is medical treatment. But nevertheless that anyone was hurt, if I could say anything to them, it would be, "I hope that you can forgive me." I have asked God to help me forgive myself, which has helped. And today, I am going to take all the guilt that I feel over this, the fear of anyone finding out ever that I did anything of the sort, and put it in my God Box, ask Him for His protection and care.

"RARELY HAVE we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest....Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked His protection and care with complete abandon.

--Alcoholics Anonymous, Big Book, 4th Edition, p. 58

There is always hope. And it does get better. In going back to church, I increase the likelihood of falling back into a life of sin.

"God, I have sinned, I know you have forgiven me, help me to forgive myself." Take it out and burn it. It does work. Over time.

This is my last post. I am done putting myself out there like this.
Diagnosis: Human
Meds: The Word

"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me." -2 Corinthians 12:9
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