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Factitious & Munchers

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Factitious & Munchers

Postby Kiki78 » Tue Sep 13, 2016 9:48 pm

I am new to this forum, It's actually my first Forum ever...
I am a bit of a luddite.
I know many exe's call there former partner's crazy in times of divorce and separation....I have been there and done that, its seems to be the way it is, women call men "abusers" and men call women "crazy" its an age old thing....I feel sure. :roll:
I am the very proud step mom of a beautiful bouncing 12 year old boy whom I believe to be the product of a mother with FD or munch.byproxy. in other words this ex really is crazy! I was very careful to stand back and make many observations of my own. I was quite dubious when my partner described his ex as a muncher. Particularly because of my own experience, I had being married to a man who called the first mother of his child "crazy" and I, being naïve, empathic, & taking him on face value fought against this women in court with him, (I did not observe, or take nearly enough time to gather facts) only to find myself on the receiving end of that fight later down the road when he went on a massive witch hunt and called me "crazy"....How's that for Karma? :roll:
So I took much more care and deliberation to observe, gather info, and decide with my own voice what I in fact felt could be the issues with this boy.
Firstly let me state: It is my belief that separations, divorce, bad relationships feeling unloved (especially on behalf of a child) ...ARE and IS crazy! so of course everyone involved can have crazy behaviours! Nothing that time apart, an occasional social outing with those that care, and a therapist to help make sense of it all, cant help you with.
My partner was bang on about this one though...she has a pervasive, permanent condition/disorder that has scarred her lovely child and a wonderful man.
I was very lucky I was only with my husband for a short period of time (hell) however now that I am away from my "sophie's choice" inner struggle... his binge drinking, mood swings and a development of his-very-own personality disorder, BOTH my children are thriving and there seems to be (so far) no permanent damage.

My son pokes me sometimes and says remember when I asked, his former step-father "why you don't love me?" and my ex husband said "because you are not my blood"...
To this day my ex husband has never ever said he made a mistake for anything...I don't think he has owned any responsibility for anything since the 70's.
I made mistakes too, many....I can admit them, and have taken the time to treat, heal, and move forward.
I think the difference between someone being crazy, and behaving in a crazy way, is the ability to heal for you and those around you at a rapid rate once free of the albatross.
For example: if you are behaving irrationally or "crazy" then take away the irritation, the driver, and a huge improvement can happen to you & everyone around you (especially children)
In my case once my relationship with my husband was over and he was away from my son, and I got away from a mother who was very deceptive for years because she wanted custody of my son, to compensate for he lack of maternal instinct with me, she has a sickness and doesn't really see it...etc..etc.. Everyone healed! there was huge turn around immediately....I removed myself from the two major obstacles, and I was able to heal.
Rather than my husband calling me "crazy" and playing into my mothers hands it would have been far better for him to have supported me by showing myself and my child love and standing up to my mother when I was not strong enough to do so or helping me see things in the loving, gentle, kind, communicative way that I needed not the way he thought I needed. Unfortunately he only has one approach, and that's his: officious two faced, adversarial and far too narrow minded, myopic, small, & petty to look at things from a different perspective...that would mean admitting fault remember? None of this helped me, all of this hindered me and my ability to think and see straight. What I am saying is it is very possible for someone to do better once they get away from toxicity, or do their absolute worst when right in the middle of an extremely toxic environment. I understand its highly individualized too.
But this is different.
this woman has actually gotten worse since being away from my fiancé, not better....granted he may not have been perfect....but she is actually worse and my step son went seriously down hill when she and my fiancé separated, once my step son was in her care he actually gained 50 pounds, and became swollen. His speech changed she tried putting him on medication that he did not need....I am also a bit biased I don't like kids taking to much stuff.
I can not tell you the difference and monumental improvement in my step son's progress since he has been spending more time with his father, and since his father has also had time to be away & heal from this woman who would not allow him to parent and ultimately love this beautiful boy without her constant need to control and medically abuse them....they have thrived...we all have truth be known.
This lovely boy who is still not 100% healed, and in some ways may never be, is doing so so much better.
He has been poked and prodded, taken to hospital for everything and nothing,
he has just gotten out of being in "special" class when he did not need to be, he has missed literally without exaggeration half of his entire scholastic upbringing for the past 12 years due to "mock" illness, just sleeping in, and weird confusing illegible illness's for which she is the only one reporting, or even seeing in him. again in typical form of this disease, it seems the child of a muncher can never really do normally in school because the muncher requires the attention from the child failing in order to feel sated.

My 2 kids go to a private school and homework and routine plays an important part of my life. Both my children love school and do very well. there is little to no involvement of all these child "authorities" My step son has enjoyed the peace & seeing what he is capable of too. my step son is thriving being in a structured, predictable environment with my two kids,I would love him to graduate from a private school, or at least be able to achieve good grades on his provincials when the time comes.

I am a proud daddy's girl and although my ex and I don't get along I have never retaliated in the same manner that he was doing to me because, I firmly believe a child needs both parents.
I just wanted my children to thrive, all I have ever wanted is better for them than I ever had.
A muncher cannot see this, they are so wrapped up in gaining glory form the child's pain. My fiancé was so devastated by what this muncher has done.

I am very careful not to throw around the words "Crazy" because it is often over used and just hurtful.
So you can imagine that I have come to this conclusion about my fiancé being spot on about is ex with a heavy and discerning heart.
I can give you all the examples about all the things she does that appear to me to be FD and Muncher, which are too many to count and are all text book examples of this disorder.... I can also share that it very clearly comes from her mother and sister. I worry every time he goes home that something more sinister is happening.

What I need is advice....
How can my ex proceed legally bringing this topic up in court?
How can you prove something like this?
Is there anyway of getting her the help she is so desperately needing?
Is there anything that you recommend I read? do?
I have mixed feelings on contacting the ministry...feedback?

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