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poison of Factitious disorder

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poison of Factitious disorder

Postby xiw » Mon Jan 13, 2014 1:44 pm

Hi all,

i'm another person who doesn't seem to be able to stay above FD. Every time I let it consumed me, lying to selective people who's shown true care and concern for me. It's amazing that I managed to get away with my lies this far. It started since 15 years ago, and it comes in waves, sometimes with a gap of 5 years. I thought I was back to my normal life, then I met someone, who I have really come to like, and I found myself going back to the loop of lies.

It's now been 2 years since i started lying to this person. Then my lies got ahead of me and soon I have to lie to her family members and friends. I have to create stories after another to get the love and attention that I longed for from a specific person. I think of this person almost everyday of my life, yet I can't do anything about it. I won't call it an obsession, but i just feel happy everytime I'm around her.

I think i know the underlying problem--I just wanted to feel superior and cared for. This feeling is so addictive. 2 years passed, my lies are still going on, but i can tell that this person is getting tired of it. Also, she's facing a difficult time herself, so now she's shunned herself from me, not wanting me to worry about her as she thinks that I am going through a very tough time myself. Now my lies have come back to bite me. I can't seem to connect to this person anymore. I feel that I soon will lose her. Just the thought of this is so miserable that I feel like running deep into the jungle and disappear from everyone. It's the shame that's building up inside me.

Then I looked back, and realised that all my previous lies have come to the same bottom line -- distance. Distance from the ones who were the victim of my lies. I feel that there's an invisible wall betwen me and all of my close friends whom I once was close to. This terrible outcome is even worse than coming clean with my lies. But having said that, i'm far too much of a coward to owe up to what terrible lies I have told. I just let it dies down as I move on with life.

So, to all out there who're struggling the similar fate as mine, i guess we all need to act upon it somehow. I don't really know how, but something has to be done. For me I can never admit this to anyone, so I will have to find my own ways to get through this. I think now we are all bitten by such poisonous venom that if we don't find a solution out of it, it will soon come back to destroy your lives.
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Re: poison of Factitious disorder

Postby CrackedGirl » Thu Jan 16, 2014 6:57 pm

Hi

I am having a bit of a difficult time personally just atm but I wanted you to know you have been herd by me and I will reply ASAP

Cracked
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Re: poison of Factitious disorder

Postby CrackedGirl » Tue Jan 21, 2014 7:22 am

Hi

Thank you for your post - it is brave to post honestly about what is going on for you. I know you said you cant tell ppl but I do wonder whether it would be a good idea to seek some help for this as trying to deal with it on your own to heal will likely be very difficult because it is so complex what is going on for you in all likelihood. Please think about telling a therapist for example as they might be able to help you. I do understand this is scary to do tho.

Take good care

Hugs

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So long and thanks for all the fish

Now we are out of the sea and we're keeping away from the sharks

We don't delete posts on demand

The Rules

When all else fails, hug the CAT



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CrackedGirl
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Re: poison of Factitious disorder

Postby Veritatem » Sat Feb 18, 2017 1:22 pm

You can stop but you need to replace it with whatever you are gaining from the deception

It is possible but I understand it's very hard. I'm sorry your struggling so much and haven't had much response
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