Looking to Share - Young ED Story & Current Situation

Hi all,

Don’t want to ramble so I’ll try to sum up my story.
Started with first real gf when I was 16, she was older and experienced, we made plans for after I got off work and I couldn’t get an erection. This happened for the rest of our short relationship, penetrated a couple times once I was more distracted but would go soft again.
I took a break from dating and did my own thing then got with my current now wife when we were 18. Had no problems for years, maybe just the usual normal every now and then the don’t feel good etc let’s go to bed type sexual failure.
Now we are married, 29, with two small children and my psychological ED is hitting about 95% of the time. It seemed to get bad right around when she was pregnant last so I use my daughters age as a good gauge (3 years). My mind is all consumed by it now, a typical scenario is in bed when the kids are finally asleep. She wants a full rub down, foreplay, etc to get into the mood but my penis wants slam bam right then or I will get into my head and boom erection gone right before I penetrate. She gets frustrated with the situation so now doesn’t touch my penis much maybe she feels it’s something she’s doing wrong. I don’t feel that way, her form hasn’t really changed since we first started. Once in the mood she’s really sexual and engaged.
We are considering therapy, was wondering if people had success stories etc.
On my end I’ve changed my diet (paleo essentially). I go to the gym four days a week. I am starting to incorporate kegal type exercises to strengthen my erections. I never have a problem on my own so I don’t think it’s physical, I have been diagnosed with borderline low T but everyone is different for optimum levels. I meditate on a daily basis as well.
Other avenues I want to start working on this week are visualization, and maybe switching up how we go about having sex to check off that vanilla sex box if that’s happening.
It feels good sharing, please feel free to chime in I could use a friend I could talk to about these problems I’m having. It wears on me and makes me depressed at times.

Feedback welcome
Josh

Since they’re seem to be a lot of viewers on this site vs contributors, I’ll continue my thread by keeping it up to date.
I had a sexual encounter this weekend with my wife as I do at least once to twice a week. Things got hot in bed and we started making out, etc. She grabbed my hard penis and I felt a sense of fear. This was probably bc I was thinking about it, don’t know why still. It naturally started to fade back down to limp. So I didn’t give up, just played it off and started fingering her vigourously while I played with my semi erect penis. She goes down on me and it gets pumped up fast but when I’m in this fear mode of hardon I come extremely fast. She only sucked on it for a minute or so and I came. Afterwards I felt like I let her down bc she wanted to have sex. We didn’t talk about it this time.
I’m trying to visualize sex and what I love so much about it so I can try and counter all the fears I have about it now. We used to be so in tune and sex was great, often and care free. Now it seems rushed, infrequent and not that satisfying aside from those spontaneous times when I can really “get in the mood” and not think about my erection.
Our first therapy appointment is the 27th. I am going to try and open up about all this but naturally it scares the $#%^ out of me to talk about it.
Is anyone in a formal support group for guys?
Josh

Another update for everyone, the other night my wife and I had great sex. How it happened (spontaneous) is the main reason why it was so great. I was totally in the mood “animalistic” mindset needed for good sex. Now I’m trying to record details in my journal about it. More and more good memories around sexual experiences I think helps, and I can visualize more and more good times to come which helps too.

Josh

Another update. A lot has happened since my last post. My wife is pregnant with our third child. I find the no risk sex really hot so my issues now aren’t as bad as they were. I am also going to get a vasectomy which will help curb some of the anxiety around getting her pregnant in the future. I also started taking CBD oil which has relaxed my anxiety. Now if I can’t get aroused spur of the moment we just play with a toy or fool around. It about 99% of the time takes the pressure off my dick and allows me to get a hardon.

Josh

Another update, does anyone have good exposure ideas for overcoming sexual fears? How do I display to my wife bc I’ll need her involvement ? I think to completely get rid of my psyche ED I’ll have to use these techniques to reassure my body that everything is good and I’m good to have sex. The main reasons why I’m not having problems right now are 1) my wife is getting more curvy since she’s progressing in her pregnancy 2) I don’t have the fear of getting her pregnant! ( I do plan on getting cut after this baby, three is enough for us)

Another theory I’ve had is sexual boredom? Maybe it starts out on a subconscious level? I was thinking about introducing more toys, etc in the bedroom and see if we fancy any new things. Luckily with my anxiety calmed I don’t think about these things half as often as I used to.

Josh

Ok this morning I had a setback and my wife mentioned something I haven’t thought of yet. I woke up this morning rock hard, and my wife reached over and started stroking me. This is the trigger point, as I started going limp.
Well worked at it a bit and we had sex, but nothing remotely like our usual sex life. Afterwards she said “it’s only when I initiate sex”. I thought about that for a minute and granted she’s making a blanket statement more times than not if I am not the one trying to get the sex going I freak out inside thus becoming scared vs aroused.

Anybody in the same boat? Anybody willing to share??? Almost at the 500 view mark and still not a single post......

Figure I would update you all with a success story from last night. We went out on a date for dinner/dessert. I had a couple drinks and was feeling good. When we got home she got totally naked and laid down on the couch. I knew in the back of my mind she want sex so my anxiety started to peak some. I told myself that I didn’t have to have sex with her, one thing led to another and I went down on her for quite a while. In my head I’m still thinking (which still shouldn’t be happening) that we aren’t going to have sex. The whole time I’m rock hard, I guess due to the shift in my focus. We have sex the way we typically would have it before the problems started and it was good except at the end I had to pee really bad due to the residual nerves. The saga continues, I have been lax on my meditation practice as of late but I am going to the gym four days a week and starting a kegel exercise program to help with ejaculation control.

Josh

Encouraging! I also have a history of getting too much inside my head ( I feel pressure to perform).

Hey, I read your posts and I want to tell you I am experiencing something similar to you. I am living with my girlfriend together and we have had amazing sex in the past, but since a couple of weeks, I keep having problems maintaining my erection. Is it still so for you or did you manage to cure yourself completely? Did you go to therapy?