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Serious trouble with performance anxiety

An open discussion on Erectile Dysfunction.

Serious trouble with performance anxiety

Postby MarvtheParanoid » Wed Oct 28, 2015 5:57 pm

I’m looking for someone who has made similar experiences with ED. I seem to suffer from a quite serious case of erectile dysfunction ever since I’ve been sexually active (which has now been a couple of years). I’m 27 and I’ve still never had “proper” sex, meaning sex where I could finish. I should probably mention, I’ve only ever have ED when having sex. Further below I try to list a number of possible reasons. I’m hoping someone could share his experiences and, ideally, how that problem was solved.

The cause of my ED seems to be exclusively mental as I never have trouble getting it up otherwise, with or without visual stimulation through porn etc. I’m able to maintain hard and long (45min+) erections. Whenever I’m with a woman, I suffer performance anxiety as I am indeed quite nervous every single time. Knowing that I probably won’t get it up obviously adds to the pressure.
Recently I started taking Viagra, which I ordered online, but still seems to work as it helps getting it up during foreplay. But as soon as I enter a woman, it goes flaccid despite the Viagra. I’ve also tried it with a penis ring in addition, but the result is the same. I enter her and the erection is gone. I also don’t feel much during penetration which may be due to the fact that I always have a condom on. No idea. Sometimes it felt like my penis has simply disappeared and there was no feeling left in it. With a flaccid or semi-hard penis, thrusting becomes really awkward and I have no clue what I’m doing there, so I’m forced to give up. I never know how to explain it to a woman. Why would I be hard during foreplay (thanks to Viagra) and lose it as soon as I penetrate?? Can you fake an orgasm? Should I just give up on Viagra and penis rings etc. altogether? Or is there another, perhaps mental, ‘trick’?

So there are a couple of causes I’ve been thinking about. Firstly, is it possible that a condom has a negative effect? Should I try a bigger size condom? I’m only a little above average in size.
A reason that probably contributes to the ED, next to me being nervous, is most likely the fact that I’ve never had feelings for any of the women I’ve been with. Although I’m 27, I’ve never had a girlfriend because I’m to ######6 shy and nervous. The women I did end up in bed with weren’t women I particularly cared about, but one or the other was really hot. Also, the atmosphere was never romantic or anything and I am a sucker for romance. Despite my various (about 7) sexual encounters which all ended with ED, I still find it difficult to imagine that I couldn’t get it up when I’m finally (fingers crossed) with a woman I care about. But I would still be nervous; probably a million times more nervous than previously because I would really want that one to work out.

I’d be really grateful if someone could tell me if they’ve made similar experiences.
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Re: Serious trouble with performance anxiety

Postby josh0745 » Mon Nov 13, 2017 5:57 pm

Right here buddy. I’ve been dealing with this issue since my first time at 16 then a good stint until present day, 29 and it’s back bad.
It’s psychological yes, I don’t have to deal with condoms since married for 7 years now. Condoms do suck and when we used them I had to get the big ones just to be able to have sex feel something and ultimately come.
Please seek help and check out meditation if you haven’t yet. Some of the best things that helped me were either “tricking” my mind or telling it I’m safe and the girl I’m with wants me badly. Sounds weird but it helped, let me know if you have found other ways.
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Re: Serious trouble with performance anxiety

Postby daney » Mon Aug 20, 2018 8:05 pm

Unfortunately my prior reply timed out and my submission went into the digital abyss :( While this is the case, I'll try to rewrite an abbreviated version :) I found that my long term masturbation caused two things, desensitization due to firm grip and vigorous motion, and also less reliance on my pelvic floor muscle to maintain an erection. The desensitization resulted in not being stimulated by a vagina, whereby the grip and motion of masturbation was what my physiological desire was pretty much dependent on. Basically, the vagina is not going to be as satisfying physically, so wreaked havoc in my mind because in my mind I wanted intimacy. The pelvic floor issue was a result of not needing to use it as much to maintain an erection because the firm grip and motion of masturbation caused my arousal sensory to deliver a continued supply of blood to my penis, one that would overcome the return of blood from my penis to my body. Basically, if I started to lose it during masturbation, I'd just masturbate more vigorously or in a way to produce more blood flow in. The pelvic floor muscle, responsible for pinching off the blood return (resulting in a greater degree of firmness in an erection) was seldom used, likely just during ejaculation. When it's needed to perform it's job during intercourse with a partner it is pretty weak and cannot keep the blood in place in the penis.

How to (possibly) fix? 1) reduce or eliminate masturbation. If you find you need to masturbate, do so using a lube and light touch, so as to regain the light touch stimulation that is comparable to a vagina. 2) pelvic floor exercises. This will strengthen the muscle that helps to maintain an erection. Pretend you're trying to hold in a fart and trying to stop peeing mid stream, hold it for three seconds and then relax for three seconds. Do this over and over as much as practicable.

Now there are some more things you can do to help which include 1) wearing boxers - this will help to increase testosterone since the testicles are supposed to hang and be cooler than the rest of the body, resulting in (more) testosterone generation, 2) eat beets and spinach, which provide great a source of Nitric Oxide needed to aide in blood flow and produce an erection, 3) take an ED med before intercourse (though by practicing the other remedies described here you'll decrease your need for ED meds over time), 4) find a partner that is willing to help you get through the challenges of ED.
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Re: Serious trouble with performance anxiety

Postby fouried96 » Sat Jan 02, 2021 9:31 pm

I have been having the same issues. I'm turning 25 in 8 days and I have never finished during sex. For me it is all mental and I never used to have this issue when I was back in high school dating girls (not having sex but doing other stuff). As my mental issues grew over the years, my performance anxiety has increased. I have gone to psychologists, done meditation, taken viagra/cialis etc (which always gives me bad headaches which suck), but I have still yet to finish with a girl.
I've only been inside a girl once, and I also didn't have much sensation. I don't know how much longer I can go on like this.

Has anyone done those pelvic floor exercises with sexual success?
Thanks
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Re: Serious trouble with performance anxiety

Postby Flavio » Tue Feb 23, 2021 1:28 pm

MarvtheParanoid wrote: [...] A reason that probably contributes to the ED, next to me being nervous, is most likely the fact that I’ve never had feelings for any of the women I’ve been with. Although I’m 27, I’ve never had a girlfriend because I’m to ######6 shy and nervous. [...]


Yes, that's possible.

When I was your age, I also suffered from sexual performance anxiety (coital anxiety) and I barely had any sex in my 20s. I was only able to get hard and penetrate with a stable partner because I felt more confident and relaxed. Casual sex was an impossibility: I was able to attain an erection but always lost it just before penetration.

When I turned 30, everything changed. I did some research and reading on this subject, I found out about the infamous 'fight or flight response' and finally realised that I wasn't a freak and this is, in fact, an extremely common and easily treatable medical condition.

The #1 thing to do is go see a doctor. It's no shame to seek professional help and even if this is just psychological, a urologist will be able to help you. Self medication is always a risk.

Step #2 is research. Read books (I strongly recommend anything written by the brilliant American urologist Tom F. Lue), visit good websites, share knowledge. The more you know about sex, the less stressul it will be.

I hope this helps. Keep us posted on your progress.

-- Tue Feb 23, 2021 1:37 pm --

daney wrote: [...] Now there are some more things you can do to help which include 1) wearing boxers - this will help to increase testosterone since the testicles are supposed to hang and be cooler than the rest of the body, resulting in (more) testosterone generation, 2) eat beets and spinach, which provide great a source of Nitric Oxide needed to aide in blood flow and produce an erection, 3) take an ED med before intercourse (though by practicing the other remedies described here you'll decrease your need for ED meds over time), 4) find a partner that is willing to help you get through the challenges of ED.


Lots of great advice from Daney.

Oral meds may help but these are prescription drugs and you should always consult your doctor (urologist) first. I'm currently taking udenafil (brand name Zydena) and oral phentolamine, 1 hour before sex.

Boosting NO levels is essential, of course. Pycnogenol and other anti oxidants are usually very effective. I take 2 pills of *mod edit* Pycnogenol complex every night before going to sleep.

As for masturbation, I hate it with a passion and I am convinced it may even cause or worsen ED. Same thing with porn. This is, however, a controversial subject and I don't want to offend anyone here.
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