Can't Do This On My Own Anymore...ED

Hey all,

After each time I've experienced this problem, I find myself on this site reading other people's similar issues. While this topic comes up all the time, after last night, I wanted to make my own personalized post to maybe get some help from others.

So my background, 23, good health, I do take 1mg of Klonopin and idkmg of Zoloft before bed, so anxiety is already an issue, but not crippling. I have no problem maintaining an erection on my own, during foreplay, oral sex...etc.

I've been having ED problems with my girlfriend recently. As many other people state, that erection is there, but goes away when it comes time to put the condom on and penetrate. I know this has to be performance anxiety because I have had sex in the past. I've also had sex with her if she blows me then we quickly put the condom on and she gets on top. Even then, since I put pressure on myself, I feel myself losing it while inside her because I think too much. I think I get nervous when it's time for me to be on top because my past sexual partners always end up on top and I don't have as much experience. I can get hard and finish with oral, but not when it matters.

While it's great that we've done it before, it's so embarrassing and each time it happens, I put more pressure on myself. I just want to get rock solid, throw her down and give her a good time because she deserves it. She's been more than understanding, but I can't imagine it not secretly being frustrating for her.

Since I'm on such a small dosage of klonopin, knowing it's a blood thinner, I thought if I popped one before sex last night, it would negate the anxiety and let me just be normal, obviously it killed all blood flow. I haven't watched porn or masturbated for 2 weeks because I read too much porn could desensitize you (not that I ever did too much).

I know it's in my mind and I know the usual recommendations; try listening to music, be open and communicative (which I am), just calm down...etc. It's just SO frustrating, I'm having a real hard time, it feels impossible to not think about it and take the pressure off.

If you've read this far into the post, thank you. If you have had this issue yourself or can help me at all, I'd love an open discussion because I feel lost.

Unusual recommendation, then. I'm no expert. I don't even have a penis. Just a random idea.

Watch some porn with man on top. Do not masturbate. Try and envisage yourself in his position. Do not think about his / your penis. Think about the view you'd have. And the pace you set. Imagine / remember how the position feels in the rest of the body. Particularly chest and up. Then leave the porn alone. And try imagining your partner in the scene. Visualise all the detail. DON'T let yourself get caught up in worrying. If that happens. Remember your mind is the sky. The worry thought is just a passing cloud. The sky remains once the cloud has blown past. Go back to imagining the perfect bang.

I'm thinking about how visualisation works in sports. So I appreciate it might seem rather hokey here. But I think perhaps the point could be to practice body awareness in a wider sense. Your arms and chest. Whatever you can see of your partner. Rather than homing in tightly on your already pressured erection.

I like your advice, Ada. I've been struggling with the same stuff too. And that sounds like something I could see working. Good advice. I'm going to try it!