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I need advice for this situation

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I need advice for this situation

Postby Kathisofy » Mon May 06, 2013 11:58 pm

my mother works for this elder couple where the wife had a stroke and is unable to walk. She's been pulled from two nursing homes because her husband doesn't trust them. He's very military. Her daughter is also being payed for taking care of her but recently she's been acting strange. About a week ago, she stopped giving her mom her pills. The other day after she was done yelling at her kids, she came into the house and started screaming at her mom that she was sick of taking care of her and just wanted her to die. Her husband ignores her when she says that she needs to use the bathroom and but he yells at her when she messes her briefs. They just don't understand that she can't do anything herself. Her daughter, without talking to her father, stopped giving her the pills and even told my mom that she was hoping that that would get her out of here sooner.

I'm so conflicted. I know this is wrong, but this is my mom's only job after our dad's death. They would hate us if we ever said anything about her condition. I'm worried about the daughter's children as well since they are also being neglected but that's for another forum.
What should I do since it's my mom's job?
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Re: I need advice for this situation

Postby fiftysix » Tue May 07, 2013 4:50 am

It sounds like the family is simply not able to cope with the demands. Its your mothers responsibility to make sure the woman is being properly treated and cared for. She should report the situation to the authorities.

but if she won't you should perhaps. Obviously you've tried to talk your mother into reporting them?

Anyway its conflicting for your mother because she needs the job. But your mum can find another job. Its not the end of the world for her. The abuse is far more problematic than your mum losing her job.

I would hope that the authorities understand the stresses involved here and would only take action that would improve the situation for the family, not try to punish them.

another thought is that if the family could afford it, they should employ a second nurse so that the woman can have full time care from a professional. Do you know if they could afford that. The nurse could suggest this to the family saying that stress of looking after the old lady is too much and it would be better for her if all the caring was done by professionals. If the husband really does care for her, which he might do since he didn't trust the hospitals, then he might be willing to consider that option. but i bet they can't afford it.

if not, i would lean towards reporting them.
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Re: I need advice for this situation

Postby Ada » Tue May 07, 2013 5:13 pm

I would agree with fiftysix. It's a very difficult situation for your mother. But if anything happens to this older woman and there's an inquiry, it could easily come out that she knew about the abuse taking place. And that might make her liable to charges of neglect herself. So I think reporting is protecting her own interests longer term.

Most countries / states allow for anonymous reporting of child neglect. So that's the other route, to report the daughter for that, and hope that the resulting investigation prevents her from further parent abuse. But that seems to me a slower and much less certain outcome for this poor woman.

I'm not sure why being hated by abusive people would be a bad thing. I can understand hesitating if would have a serious financial impact on your household. I still don't think either reason should stop you from supporting your mom to do the right thing here and get help for this woman. None of us would want people to stand by while this happened to us. It's not right.
We think too much and feel too little.
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 More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness.


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Re: I need advice for this situation

Postby loise45 » Wed Jan 25, 2017 9:32 am

Kathisofy wrote:my mother works for this elder couple where the wife had a stroke and is unable to walk. She's been pulled from two nursing homes because her husband doesn't trust them. He's very military. Her daughter is also being payed for taking care of her but recently she's been acting strange. About a week ago, she stopped giving her mom her pills. The other day after she was done yelling at her kids, she came into the house and started screaming at her mom that she was sick of taking care of her and just wanted her to die. Her husband ignores her when she says that she needs to use the bathroom and but he yells at her when she messes her briefs. They just don't understand that she can't do anything herself. Her daughter, without talking to her father, stopped giving her the pills and even told my mom that she was hoping that that would get her out of here sooner.

I'm so conflicted. I know this is wrong, but this is my mom's only job after our dad's death. They would hate us if we ever said anything about her condition. I'm worried about the daughter's children as well since they are also being neglected but that's for another forum.
What should I do since it's my mom's job?




Hello Kathisofy,
You may need to meet a good doctor they will helps you.And also you can contact with some NGOs.
That helps many peoples.
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Re: I need advice for this situation

Postby loise45 » Mon Jan 30, 2017 6:17 am

Hello
Whether you can get protection under the Act depends on whether the behavior in question comes within the meaning of "harassment" as the word is defined in the Act. Under the Act, "harassment" means a pattern of behavior directed at you that includes doing to you any "specified act" on at least two separate occasions within a 12-month period.
A "specified act" is defined as:
• watching or loitering near your home, business, workplace or any other place that you go to for any purpose, or preventing or hindering you having access to or from that place
• following, stopping or accosting you
• entering, or interfering with, property in your possession
• making contact with you, whether by phoning you, writing to you or in any other way
• giving offensive material to you, or leaving it where you will find it or where it will be given to you or brought to your attention
• acting in any other way that causes you to fear for your safety if a reasonable person in your circumstances would also fear for his or her safety
Last edited by Ada on Mon Jan 30, 2017 2:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Spam link removed.
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