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Should I get help?

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Should I get help?

Postby Renderer » Tue Jun 14, 2016 11:18 pm

Hello folks.

This is a take on the recurring 'do I have dysthymia'-threads I guess...

I am quite conflicted about seeking help for a number of reasons.

Most of the time things aren't 'that bad'. Sometimes they are pretty bad, but even then I don't think they tend to get as bad as people tend to experience when they have 'proper depressions'. Then again, I don't really have anything to gauge against as this is what I have felt like for at least the past five years, which is basically my whole adult life.

So until I read about dysthymia I assumed this was just my personality. And I still feel like it must be at the root. I mean, I don't recall ever being very sociable or confident or anything. But I think what has changed over the past years is that I am increasingly giving up hope of things getting better.

I have sought help seven times before, but most of those times I never followed up at all. I went when things were particularly bad, but then when the next appointment was due I wasn't feeling so bad and felt like I was just wasting people's time and resources by going. This is quite likely to happen again if I try again.

For the past month or so I seem to be in a relatively good phase and so most days things roll on. I have a part time job which I think is helping to provide enough structure to help a bit. That seems to be a pattern.

I seem to have three types of days to put it roughly (though it is a spectrum really)

1. Good days - days when I get things done and/or feel happy. These happen maybe 1 - 3 times a month.

2. Normal days - I don't really get much done but I manage to go to work, feed myself etc. and I don't feel terrible.

3. Bad days - I don't really manage to get out of bed or I spend a lot of the day crying for no reason at all. Everything takes a lot of effort, and by everything I mean everything, so long periods of staring into space and doing essentially nothing. These happen maybe 4 - 10 days every month at the moment, though usually more often I think.

Seeing as I only work part time in a job which is not very demanding at all the bad days don't tend to have that much impact. What I wonder is whether my 'normal' days are reason enough to seek help. On a normal day I sleep for 10 - 12 hours and spend the day doing essentially nothing (recovering from the day before) or sometimes going out and getting something done. I rarely have the energy to do more than one thing in a day. If I know I have something in the evening I will typically not do anything during the day. Not because I'm physically tired, I just need a lot of time to recover/prepare mentally. I think. Or maybe I'm just lazy.

I should be applying for jobs, but I don't because I don't have the initiative, apart from on good days, but they are far apart. Also my low self-esteem means I look through tons of adverts and don't feel like I have a shot at any of them. This is partly because I don't have as much experience as most people my age, as I don't have as much energy/initiative/social connections and just haven't done that much.

I guess the job thing is the main reason I feel like I need to do something about this. Also my partner keeps saying he thinks I should get help. I guess he's been around me during a few of my bad days.

Oh and I should say I do have a parent and a sibling with persistent depressions, so I guess it does run in the family.

I think that was all I had in mind.
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Re: Should I get help?

Postby Dark_in_the_Light » Wed Jun 29, 2016 3:19 am

In my experience, when someone wonders if he or she should get help, the answer is usually yes. Think about the description you have already posted about how you're affected. Does this seem like it's having a good effect on you? Do you want to change it?

You also have a partner who thinks you should get help. I hope that also means he will be supportive and become a worthy part of your help network.

How much help and what kind do you need are good questions. I think a therapist would be a good start. If he or she helps you figure out where you want to be and how to get there, that's great. If your issues are more deep seated, you may have to see a psychologist or psychiatrist.
"As a painter, I will never amount to anything important. I am absolutely sure of it." -- Vincent Van Gogh
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