BF says He has not been doing drugs

He has had a cocaine problem for 10y. Usually can stay a month clean no longer. Has been for the past month it seems. Two days ago got his hands on some Money. Got distant phone ocasionally off. Note usual unless he goes to "those" places. Spent the following day in bed All day. More annoyed than usual by small things. Day after swollen reddish baggy eyes still slightly off but less agitated. Is this normal when quitting after some time or maybe He has done drugs again? I know its diferent for everyone but if anyone can shine a little light i would appretiate it. He always lies when He does it so i dont always know what to believe. Thank you.

Welcome !

It seems as if your gut is telling you he's using again . Is this something you're prepared to live with as the relationship continues ?

hi. thanks for the reply. he's about to undergo a treatment in a clinic for about 7mo. but his doctor says relapses are still to be expected and only about 1% of cases actually kick the habit. i'm unsure of whether there's hope or not.

Hugs , if you want some . There is always hope !

Yes , relapse happens . So does getting back up and fighting again . Relapse isn't failure . It's a set back . Completely giving up the fight is failure . Deciding " I can't do it, so there's no use in even trying ." is failure . But even those feelings of total hopelessness can be overcome . Human beings have an incredible survival instinct .

If possible , please find yourself a Nar-Anon group ( Narcotics Anonymous ) . They also offer support for family and friends of people who are going through drug addiction and recovery .

You can also look into your BF's treatment center and see if they offer resources to help you understand what he's going through and how you can help .

It is a brave and scary thing he's embarking on . I wish him ( and you ) the very best . You are always welcome here to ask questions or just vent if you need to . None of us are professionals but we can tell you our experiences and perhaps you will find something useful from that .

I was told early on by counselors that "Relapse is not a requirement". In fact, it becomes more difficult to recover each time one relapses. Some never make it back.
The statistics of recovery are dismal, yes, but you have to want recovery more than anything. There is nothing bad that could possibly happen to me that a drink or a drug would make better. It could only get worse as I would lose 'me' if I returned to the old way of relief.
It is kept "One day at a time" (AA) or "Just for today" (NA) for good reason. It keeps recovery in bite-size, manageable chunks of time, whereas not drinking or drugging 'forever' might seem overwhelming or unmanageable to those in early recovery.
They talk of 'baby steps' for the newcomer. Engaging with others in recovery is critical as is getting a sponsor for clean support and spiritual/moral guidance.
COVID has put a damper on meetings and going out for coffee afterwards, but things are coming back.
I would isolate when I drank or used. I was ashamed of it. I didn't want you to see how much I drank or used or what I had become.
Recovery turned the hopelessness into hopefulness.
I was still shaky and awkward at first, but that first sober laugh I remember well. I thought I would finally have a chance of getting well.

This was 30 years ago. I now trust myself with money. I have a drivers license. I have a good job. I got married. I own a house. Probably most importantly, I have self-respect and the respect of others. I can feel feelings and make good decisions again.
I still can have difficult days and still can make mistakes, but not the stupid, drunken, poor judgement mistakes of the past. I am human. It takes awhile.
I like 'How it works' and the 'Promises' read in the meetings. I was made the coffeemaker so I had to get to the meeting early and stay for cleanup. I handed out the literature when others showed up. I learned names and I kept coming back.
Best of luck to you.
https://na.org/admin/include/spaw2/uplo ... 0Works.pdf

https://www.12step.org/references/commo ... -promises/