I was told early on by counselors that "Relapse is not a requirement". In fact, it becomes more difficult to recover each time one relapses. Some never make it back.
The statistics of recovery are dismal, yes, but you have to want recovery more than anything. There is nothing bad that could possibly happen to me that a drink or a drug would make better. It could only get worse as I would lose 'me' if I returned to the old way of relief.
It is kept "One day at a time" (AA) or "Just for today" (NA) for good reason. It keeps recovery in bite-size, manageable chunks of time, whereas not drinking or drugging 'forever' might seem overwhelming or unmanageable to those in early recovery.
They talk of 'baby steps' for the newcomer. Engaging with others in recovery is critical as is getting a sponsor for clean support and spiritual/moral guidance.
COVID has put a damper on meetings and going out for coffee afterwards, but things are coming back.
I would isolate when I drank or used. I was ashamed of it. I didn't want you to see how much I drank or used or what I had become.
Recovery turned the hopelessness into hopefulness.
I was still shaky and awkward at first, but that first sober laugh I remember well. I thought I would finally have a chance of getting well.
This was 30 years ago. I now trust myself with money. I have a drivers license. I have a good job. I got married. I own a house. Probably most importantly, I have self-respect and the respect of others. I can feel feelings and make good decisions again.
I still can have difficult days and still can make mistakes, but not the stupid, drunken, poor judgement mistakes of the past. I am human. It takes awhile.
I like 'How it works' and the 'Promises' read in the meetings. I was made the coffeemaker so I had to get to the meeting early and stay for cleanup. I handed out the literature when others showed up. I learned names and I kept coming back.
Best of luck to you.
https://na.org/admin/include/spaw2/uplo ... 0Works.pdfhttps://www.12step.org/references/commo ... -promises/