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How do I start standing up for myself?

Open Discussions About Domestic Abuse.

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How do I start standing up for myself?

Postby Crawling » Sat May 29, 2021 11:46 am

Last relationship was severely abusive the arguments would go on for days if I dared stand up for myself I was punished mercilessly I left 5 years ago however I still get frightened when anyone displays any kind of aggressive behavior, even if it’s just raising their voice I get terrified but it’s time I started standing up for myself again I just don’t know how to get my voice back?
you cannot choose the hand you are dealt, but you can choose how you play the hand.

Diagnosis
schizoaffective bipolar type
Psychopathic tendencies
Haldol 10mg
Lamotrogiene 200mg
Mirtazapine 15mg
clonazepam 2mg
Diazepam 5mg
Diazepam 2mg
Zopiclone 7.5mg
Crawling
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Re: How do I start standing up for myself?

Postby lilyfairy » Sun May 30, 2021 12:50 am

I'm really glad you're out of that situation now. I understand the fear. I get frightened by raised voices and aggressiveness too. People raising their voice makes me feel like I shrink down really small and want to hide- or run away.

I have a long way to go to get my voice back, but something a past therapist said made sense to me- it was about boundaries- I have a lot of trouble knowing where they are, because people have always trampled them. He pointed out that if someone makes me feel uncomfortable, they've probably crossed a boundary- the first one I recognised was when I was involved in a music project with a (much older) guy. I eventually stood up to him and said "I don't want to continue with the project". Took me weeks to actually say it, but every interaction with him was creepy/uncomfortable. There'd been red flags from the start.

I'm a long way off being able to stand up for myself in an abusive situation, but practicing saying "no" to people in some more everyday situations where people usually walk all over me is helping. Getting my head around the idea that I can say no and trying not to cave to people's insisting- however trivial the requests are. Practicing it at work when being asked to take extra shifts that I don't want or where I'd have to rearrange my week for have been something I've been getting better at saying no to- once upon a time I would have felt obliged to just do whatever they want- I don't anymore- I struggle to straight out say no still, but will work my way around it to say "I'm busy and I can't". Start with the more mundane everyday things to work at saying no to.

Sending hugs if you'd like some.
First rule of mental health: Learn to distinguish who deserves an explanation, who deserves only one answer, and who deserves absolutely nothing.

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Re: How do I start standing up for myself?

Postby Crawling » Sun May 30, 2021 6:31 am

Lily fairy you describe me very accurately I too am like you the hugs are much appreciated but the advice even more so I shall practice saying no in normal everyday occurrences as like you I too struggle with this.
you cannot choose the hand you are dealt, but you can choose how you play the hand.

Diagnosis
schizoaffective bipolar type
Psychopathic tendencies
Haldol 10mg
Lamotrogiene 200mg
Mirtazapine 15mg
clonazepam 2mg
Diazepam 5mg
Diazepam 2mg
Zopiclone 7.5mg
Crawling
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 709
Joined: Fri Nov 12, 2010 1:21 pm
Local time: Tue Jun 22, 2021 8:00 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


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