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the aftermath

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the aftermath

Postby GIVEUP2019 » Sun Aug 18, 2019 6:53 pm

ok so this is a first for me ... disclosing this part of my life...I just wanted to know if anyone else out there feels the way do..

so I am a dv survivor. I have experienced It for ten years of my life before fleeing.
You all know the ins and outs of these type of relationships...but what I have found I have struggled the most with after everything is dealing with it .... getting over it

I hate myself. I have lost all of me and no matter how much soul searching and trying I cannot get it back. I have now resorted to binge eating and self harm and if im honest I dont want to be alive

Im still picking up pieces from the relationship now...the biggest pieces being mending my eldest sons heart after what he witnessed... he is struggling and I have to look him in the eyes and know I never put him first and the destruction surrounding him is my fault

I am broken does anyone else feel the same
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Re: the aftermath

Postby quietgirl2538 » Mon Aug 19, 2019 1:12 pm

I fled my home and was homeless. I lived in a shelter in a different state, living through manic and hypomanic and depressive states during this time. Very ill. Wounded inside still. I felt free of the torture I felt like life was in my own home where I should have felt was my safe haven.

For a long time, years, the aftermath, was just as you described. Broken. No self-esteem, fear of not making it in the real world alone. Really being alone. I offer you hope with what you deal in seeing your son hurt. Time for us, does help tremendously, to heal. Understanding oneself and really knowing what our choices we truly had and what we lived through allows you to see how things were for you. VERY hard. Be easy on yourself, please. You are a good person. Hugs, if wanted.

“There’s an Asian expression that ‘a burden shared is halved.’"

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Re: the aftermath

Postby Terry E. » Tue Aug 20, 2019 3:38 am

So much to say, .. where to start.

Firstly congrats on having the courage to do what you have done. Try not to be a glass half empty person. Yes, if only you could have left earlier, but you did leave, and that is so very hard. Give yourself some credit and respect for that. Unless someone has been there they have no idea how hard it is.

Easy now to look back and beat yourself up. In hindsight so many things you could have done. I think socially there is enormous pressure to stay. Society does not welcome DV mothers and their children with open arms. It makes it even harder to leave when so much unknown is in front of you. So give yourself some credit.

Now onto your son. You did not give us his age, but you would be surprised how resilient children can be.
Be open to him and love him. I am hoping there is some extended family around. If not it is harder.

But we are very resilient.
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Re: the aftermath

Postby MarB6711 » Sat Dec 21, 2019 7:39 pm

I have actually been struggling with a very similar feeling. Technically, my boyfriend and me are still back and forth. Although we are so newly "apart" the thought of staying apart longer than a few weeks is very stressful to me. Even though I am an adult/professional, starting at the career (of my dreams), all these new and exciting things going on in my life but still, the thought of going through life without this man who abuses me is uncomfortable, oddly. The psychological connection I feel to him in reality makes me sick. I read your post and want to also tell you how brave you are to have left and are now focusing on your son's healing (and your own). YOU are so brave! I saw you, too, that you wrote this in August, now that it's mid/late December, I wonder how the last few months for you have been coping with the loss of that part of your life?
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