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Am I an abuser or am I being abused

Open Discussions About Domestic Abuse.

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Am I an abuser or am I being abused

Postby Aiodbne » Tue Oct 23, 2018 11:07 am

Trigger warning domestic violence I guess

Im an adult first of all. In my early 20s. I lived out of home for a while but atm im living there for financial reasons but lately my dads been getting really abusive again and he’s telling me that it’s me and I don’t know why I can’t leave I feel like such an idiot because I already hurt so much but I think he brainwashes me

My father constantly puts me down, yells at me, throws completely out of the blue comments at me that catch me completely off guard and he knows exactly what to say to hurt me. A few weeks ago I was lying on the floor and he ran up and started kicking me and yelling curse words at me. He never said sorry because I ‘deserved it’. He completely denied it even happening at first. He constantly pushes past me, comes up behind my shoulder and just stands behind me. When I have people over he will stand at the window and stare at us. He manipulates me and can make me feel whatever he wants me to. And it’s dangerous. He can hit me one night then the next day he’s smiling and happy and expects me to be the same. He yells at me for things like using the hairdryer, talking too much, nor cooking him dinner, yeah. It’s ridiculous. He tells me that I am the one abusing him. But HE MAKES ME BELIEVE IT. I feel like I am going insane. I’m having panic attacks all the time lately.
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Re: Am I an abuser or am I being abused

Postby ambermarie123 » Sat Dec 08, 2018 9:56 am

Oh, honey. I am so sorry you find yourself in such a tricky spot. I would like to make it abundantly clear to you that in no way, shape, or form, are you the abuser. You are a victim, plain and simple. The way your father is acting is manipulative and wrong, and he has absolutely no right to do so. You have done nothing to warrant emotional or physical abuse; he is the abuser and he must be held accountable and responsible for what he is doing. I know it must be really hard because you live with him and feel that you can't escape due to financial reasons.

I'd like to let you know that depending on where you live, there are many programs that you can get into for domestic violence, because unfortunately it is a very common thing. Places like this will give you a safe place to live and help you with everything, and usually they'll provide counseling as well. So the good thing is that if you do some research and make some phone calls, I think you'd be surprised with how much help is available. If the abuse gets to a point where you genuinely fear for your life, please call the police. Also, do you have any friends or other family that you could stay with?
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