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Tempted to move in with verbally abusive woman

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Tempted to move in with verbally abusive woman

Postby Cleancut » Sat Aug 11, 2018 11:44 am

I was raised by a domineering mother who was verbally abusive. She was always yelling at me, talking down to me condescendingly and saying hurtful things to me. I'm not sure if it's considered being physically abusive but she frequently spanked me..often for no good reason..she would just fly off the handle. She was a high functioning alcoholic and yes she was all the meaner after a few drinks.

So here it is a couple of decades later and I am close friends with a lady who has anger issues. Yes she reminds me of my mother in many ways. It's not all the time but she has gotten really angry at me and said cruel things.

She has been pressuring me to move in with her. My gut reaction is that it is a terrible idea that would bring me much sadness. Yet sometimes I get tempted to do it. Strangely this often happens hours after she verbally abuses me. When she does it I don't like it and think of cutting off the friendship. Then we part ways for the day and a few hours later I romanticize the idea of living with her, her yelling at ms and being verbally abusive (I knownit would be all the worse if I lived with her) while I am stuck with her...i won't be able to leave and go home because.I'll be home. The concept of being captive gives me a tingling feeling of excitement. I am sure this is because it reminds me of the captive feeling I felt with my mother. I also realize the reality would be much worse than the romanticizing of it that I'm doing.
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Re: Tempted to move in with verbally abusive woman

Postby quietgirl2538 » Sat Aug 11, 2018 12:44 pm

Please don't move in. I think as victims of abuse, we are vulnerable to being mistreated by others because we don't know how to defend ourselves in situations such as these with this verbally abusive woman. We were verbally abused as kids and didn't know how to defend ourselves as we were kids, so it's like we have to relearn it as adults. Don't move in with this toxic person. And it's not a good thing for you. Now or later. Sending hugs, if wanted.
“There’s an Asian expression that ‘a burden shared is halved.’"

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Re: Tempted to move in with verbally abusive woman

Postby Cleancut » Sun Aug 12, 2018 8:24 am

quietgirl2538 wrote:Please don't move in. I think as victims of abuse, we are vulnerable to being mistreated by others because we don't know how to defend ourselves in situations such as these with this verbally abusive woman. We were verbally abused as kids and didn't know how to defend ourselves as we were kids, so it's like we have to relearn it as adults. Don't move in with this toxic person. And it's not a good thing for you. Now or later. Sending hugs, if wanted.


My mind's telling me one thing, but
I guess I should listen to my heart
Right?

Thanks for your concern. Actually I am a logic oriented person and am leaning towards not doing it. Why would my heart tell me to move in with her? Well, when her temper isn't blowing up she is very enjoyable to be around. I am closer to her than anyone I have known in my life. I feel living together would make us even closer. Staying with her even when she is verbally abusive towards me shows I love her...it shows I accept her with all her flaws. But yeah I know it wouldn't be a good idea.
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Re: Tempted to move in with verbally abusive woman

Postby quietgirl2538 » Tue Aug 14, 2018 1:21 am

I try to listen to my gut feeling and then try to reason too. If that's possible to do. It can feel tricky, though. And I understand that. Some people can be so nice and some can definitely change for the better...but then there are those who will never change. Where this person falls under is something I would take into consideration. I just worry, but of course I am just sharing my worry for you. I don't want you to be mistreated.
“There’s an Asian expression that ‘a burden shared is halved.’"

Dx: Bipolar I and ADD
Lamictal 300mg
Wellbutrin XL 300mg
Vraylar 6 mg
diazepam p.r.n 10 mg twice a day
Elavil (Amitriptylin) 20mg for insomnia
Methylphenidate (Ritalin) 10mg

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